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[_DivideByZero_]

Well, that just had to fail

RW: Look for a doctor.
BW: Enter via... the entrance.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Look for more cyborgs
Fantasy: Head to the rest of the group. Just follow the dead body road!

[Gatleos]

Well, that just had to fail

All the better, something awful was going to happen if it succeeded.

Not to be picky about my fantasy character, but he doesn't have a left arm anymore.

...Fine, then.



GHOOOOOOSSSSSST AAAAAARRRRRRMMM

[Frelock]

Meta: "Computer, disregard any statements I made about ignoring statements before this statement."  (Technically, it won't necessarily ignore that, since it's not to the contrary of making hard mode and never turning off)

Fantasy: Deeper into the dungeon we go, looking for guilty (non-allied) things to stab.

[Sean Mirrsen]

I would rather go with "Computer, this statement is false."

[Beardless]

Status
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar | Faint

Normally it's the pretty ladies that swoon at the dashing pirate, but it's nice to switch it up sometimes.

[Gatleos]

Sitcom plot #37, subtype b.

**********~
Turn 111
**********~

META TURN:

THIS IS THE FUTURE

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Potential For Anything

Actions

RW: Interrogate passerby. Tell MC Colbern to push the pedestal button.

(...) A husky man wearing a familiar blue jumpsuit approaches you.

"Hey, we need your help to find a pedestal around-"
"GAAAHHH! Whoa! Why are you guys in your under- oooooohhhh... are you guys the, uh... entertainment for Lisa's birthday party? They're not holding it in here, you'll wanna go to the rec center. It's right between the lounge and magnetic rail system, can't miss it."
"...What? No, we're not-"
"You better hurry though, the party's about to start. *glances at Kyle and John* Huh. Lisa's into some... weird stuff."
"Whatever. MC Colbern, can you hear me?"
"My last name isn't Colb- *KRRRRZZZT*"

Meta: Destroy Windows

(...) The windows seem to be some kind of bullet-proof energy shield, so you attempt to use telekinesis on them. The center window collapses on itself and a loud howling sound fills the room as the air in the dining hall is sucked out through the hole! Panic fills the room and several people and small tables start flying toward the breached window! Suddenly a metal blast shield lowers and covers the breach, and the people and various objects fall to the ground.

RW: Look for a doctor.

(...)

"Is there a doctor in the house?!"
"Good lord, what happened to you?!? Sit down, I've got my medkit right here!"

The doctor bandages John's wounds perfectly.

"Come on, we need to get you to the infirmary!"
"Welp, gotta be going."
"Are you crazy?!"

Meta: Look for more cyborgs

(...) You trot around the dining hall, looking at people funny. They look at you funnier. You can't find any cyborgs.

Meta: "Computer, disregard any statements I made about ignoring statements before this statement."

(...)

"Computer, ignore any future statements which contradict past statements."

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: Space, Holodeck
Currently: Failing to communicate.
Inventory: Underwear | Jeans | T-shirt | Watch
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG | Aptitude for Guitar Shreddage
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: Space, Holodeck
Currently: Filling in logical loopholes.
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds | Hangover
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: Space, Holodeck
Currently: Inexplicably trying to kill everybody.
Inventory: Underwear | Balloon Animal | Watch | M16
Wounds: Light Bleeding
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: Space, Holodeck
Currently: Creeping people out.
Inventory: Watch | Ashcraver | Gauss Rifle | Pants
Wounds: Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps | Blind | Missing Tooth x3
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance | Hangover
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: Space, Holodeck
Currently: Rejecting medical attention.
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Very Heavy Bleeding x2 | Pierced Lung
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The quest for The Keystone has begun.

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!
Establish diplomatic relations with the Goblins! Failed Miserably
Brave the depths of Bistökmafol and deliver the package.

Current Soundtrack
Marsh Land

Actions

FW: Rest a while.
Rats: Explore nooks and crannies and bring back something interesting.
Mutie: Assimilate dead thing.

(...) You lay down and rest off the concussion somehow. That was convenient!
(...) The rats run out into the blinding dust, and bring back a ≡Plump Helmet Roast≡! Somewhat interesting.
(...) Mutie nibbles on the corpse, but doesn't seem too interested in it.

Fantasy: Turn the chest into peg legs

(...) You gnaw on the chest and hack at it with your harpoon gun, to little success.

BW: Enter via... the entrance.

(...) The ramp can only be accessed from the bridge above, so you look for another entrance. Underneath the ramp, at the back of the courtyard, you find a door! Unfortunately, it's locked. You jog over to Edgar, yoink the key, and turn it in the lock. Success! The key mysteriously evaporates as you turn it in the lock, and the door swings open! Dust wells out from the room ahead.

Fantasy: Head to the rest of the group. Just follow the dead body road!

(...) You prance and skip toward the front gate, up the ramp, and off the bridge. You then stand up, spitting out grass and dusting yourself off. You're in a courtyard with Edgar and Urist. You continue to prance past Urist, entering a large entrance hall. You skip past Frelock and Derm and find a set of stairs by the trade depot. Unfortunately there's a locked hatch on the stairs descending below the depot, so you climb up the stairs instead. On the next floor, you find a dark hallway lined with doors. The stairs continue ever higher, and you can see light at the top. Oh, and there's a huge pile of skeletons there. Not too important.

Fantasy: Deeper into the dungeon we go, looking for guilty (non-allied) things to stab.

(...) You walk past HEN onto the next floor. The floor above the one you're on seems to be the roof. This floor consists of a large, open area broken only by a thick stone pillar and a room with a large breach in the nearest wall. You can hear water rushing overhead, and light mist drifts from the open room.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Shakin' it off.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Mutie (Commanding) | Sword | Armor | Rat x2 (Commanding) | ≡Plump Helmet Roast≡
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Brittle Skull
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Tentacle Arm | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod | Bonesalve The Savior of Mending
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Tower Complex, Bistökmafol
Currently: Exploring.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes
Wounds: Asthma
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion | Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Gnawing on pine wood.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze | Mysteeeeeeerious Package | Ghost of Bloodbeard (Commanding)
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing | Missing Leg x2 | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar | Faint
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Tower Complex, Bistökmafol
Currently: WAIT A SECOND OH GOD THIS HALLWAY IS FILLED WITH CORPSES
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x18 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact | Best Death EVAR
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Unlocking the way forward.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Monkeytear the Fanciness of Wearing | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Crooked Toe | Heavy Bruising | Missing Tooth x2 | Black Eye
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard | Legendary Leatherworker
Name: Mutie
Description: A giant mass of biological matter with a cat head sticking out of it. It takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: None

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[RedWarrior0]

Frelock, next time, try this.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Follow Freeman.
Fantasy: Follow Frelock.

[monk12]

Meta: "We're under attack! Quickly everyone, to the security pedestal!"

Fantasy: Ride the ghost of Bloodbeard

[_DivideByZero_]

RW: Run into the kitchen and fill some canisters with gas to make ammo for my launcher.
FW: Proceed, with three weapons in beard.

[Dermonster]

RW: Ramp up the transmission power and try MC again.
FW: Go down the steps and blast open any locked doors I come across.

[Frelock]

Frelock, next time, try this.

The problem is, my commands are working all too well; I just give the wrong ones.  You know, let's try the dwarves' strategy here.

Meta: Computer, activate super hard mode, DF, with a super-large world and a 1050 year history; embark on a 16x16 ocean map with a natural waterfall with as many cavern layers as possible.  Spend all embark points on cats, and set the ignition temperature for cat's fur in the raws to 10.

Fantasy: Into the lit room, and further down.

[RedWarrior0]

Limiting it to 16x16? Come on.

[monk12]

[1] You are trapped frozen in time for all eternity as the FPS drops off the scale.