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[monk12]

Let's see how many Meta-s we can get in this thread.

Meta: Search for the Periclase

Fantasy: Name my new rat friend Bloodbeard, then ride him into the trap hallway along the same path taken by the orb

[Gatleos]

There's always at least one guy in the party who immediately attacks every NPC he comes across, hostile or not. This time, he's in the majority.

**********~
Turn 107
**********~

META TURN:

THIS IS THE FUTURE

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Potential For Anything

Actions

RW: Attempt to contact MC with the helmet I still have in RL.

(...) You focus as hard as you can to get a signal through to MC.

"I -an -ar--y --ar -ou! W---'s ha--eni-g?!"

RW: Throw something at the men in dark uniforms to distract them, allowing the civilians to strangle them from behind!

(...) Throwing your sword always works, so you lob the plastic blade at the closest uniformed officer! It whacks him on the head and he spins around to face you.

"AAAAAAHHHHH! Cyborgs! Open fire!"

The uniformed officers start firing on you!

John is a dumbass!
Derek: You leap out of the path of the spray of bullets and start scrambling across the tarmac!
Frederick: You advance on the guards while dodging their projectiles and grab one from behind!
Monk: You run up to one of the officers and punch him in the stomach, then take his weapon!
Kyle: You dive to the side, holding your gauss rifle at the ready!
John: Several bullets perforate your chest, piercing your lungs!

Meta: Heal myself

(...) You don't really have any wounds that require intervention on your part to heal. Nevertheless, you attempt to use your underwear as a bandage for your lightly bleeding gums. You rip your sole article of clothing to shreds, failing to accomplish anything.

Meta: Get that thermometer out and heal myself.

(...) Attempting to phase out the simulated world, you move your hand toward your eye. As you do so, you feel a long, glass rod in thin air before your face. You jerk the thermometer out of your eye and faintly hear it drop to the floor in the holodeck. You rip an invisible bit of cloth from your real jumpsuit and use it to soak up some of the blood.

Meta: Search for the Periclase

(...) You jog around the tarmac, looking at the various ships scattered around. None of them are anywhere near as large as the S. S. Periclase. Hell, about six of them could fit in the hangar bay. These ships look more like light civilian transport vessels. What are all these people running from, anyway?

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Trying not to stare at Kyle.
Inventory: Underwear | Jeans | T-shirt | Watch
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG | Hangover
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Clutching his (visibly fine) eye.
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds | Hangover
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Taking stock of the situation.
Inventory: Underwear | Balloon Animal | Watch | M16
Wounds: None
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis | Hangover
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Hoping no one makes an over-compensation joke about his gauss rifle.
Inventory: Watch | Ashcraver | Gauss Rifle
Wounds: Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps | Blind | Missing Tooth x3 | Light Bleeding
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance | Hangover
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Cursing in Dwarven. Wait, this is getting confusing...
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2 | Pierced Lung
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now | Hangover

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The quest for The Keystone has begun.

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!
Establish diplomatic relations with the Goblins! Failed Miserably
Brave the depths of Bistökmafol and deliver the package.

Current Soundtrack
Marsh Land

Actions

FW: Summon a horde of small rats. Go into the fortress with them in the lead.

(...) Five rats appear by your side and follow you and Mutie into the fortress! You descend a ramp at the end of the drawbridge and emerge into a large entrance hall. The hall has no windows or openings other than the entrance you came through, and yet it is illuminated by a dim yet iridescent light. You are flanked by rows of statues, leading to a trade depot at the center of the room. You can see spiral staircases on either side of the trade depot.

FW: Shout loudly while wildly swinging war hammer, axe, and leg-chucks with my three beard-appendages. Then make Rhesus Pieces.

(...) You charge the pack of Macaques swinging your assorted weapons! (...) You smack the first Macaque in the chest, shattering its ribs! (...) The second Macaque leaps onto your head, blinding you! (...) Despite your obscured vision, you manage to slice the third Macaque clean in half with your axe! (...) The fourth Macaque pops off your stone arm and runs off with it! (...) The last Macaque leaps around your leg-chucks and jabs you in the crotch! You fall to the ground in pain and the two remaining Macaques stand over you, kicking and biting!

Fantasy: Find a Mirrorclan person to fight.

(...) You run into the vertical complex, leaping at the first person you see! He screams for mercy, but you beat him brutally until he can't move anymore. Mirrorclanshelter scum. Wait... this suit you're wearing... you ARE a Mirrorshelter clan member! This can't be right! Just then, the front door bursts open and a group of adventurers sprints into the room! The one at the front looks familiar. It's...

"Freeze, Mirrorshelter scum!"

...You?

Fantasy: Advance into the fortress continuing to sacrifice the (non-allied) guilty ones.

(...) You run along the drawbridge ahead of Edgar, approaching a ramp at the end. Ahead, you can see a large entrance hall.

Fantasy: Name my new rat friend Bloodbeard, then ride him into the trap hallway along the same path taken by the orb

"Come on Bloodbeard, let's- WHOOP"

You slip off the drawbridge and land on your back below, nearby a couple of monkeys beating on a Dwarf.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Looking over the entrance chamber.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Mutie (Commanding) | Sword | Armor | Rat x5 (Commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Missing Left Hand
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Tentacle Arm | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod | Bonesalve The Savior of Mending
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Approaching the entrance chamber.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes
Wounds: Asthma
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion | Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Laying on his back.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze | Mysteeeeeeerious Package | Giant Rat (commanding)
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Moat, Bistökmafol
Currently: Slightly confused.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x18 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Heavy Bleeding x2 | Unconscious
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact | Best Death EVAR
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Hating those Rhesus to pieces.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Robe | Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod | ≡Silver Warhammer≡ | Legchucks | Rat Bone Splint | Chunk of Steel
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Crooked Toe | Stunned | Heavy Bruising
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard
Name: Mutie
Description: A giant mass of biological matter with a cat head sticking out of it. It takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: None

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Loot an ally of his clothes.
Fantasy: Beat myself and take his musket.

[Frelock]

Meta: Using uncanny prediction, pick up the thermometer, and throw it at the "off" button on the control panel.  Tweak the odds to help me.

Fantasy: Continue exploring, looking for sacrifices.

[Dermonster]

RW: Attempt to convey our need to press the pedestal button and our current situation.

FW: Go up to and inspect the trade depot closely.

Status: Gain +1 summoning skill because of 5.

[_DivideByZero_]

RW: Why did I have to fail?
Regenerate through sheer willpower.
FW: Cleave last two remaining monkey, catch the thief and butcher it to make Rhesus Pieces.

[monk12]

Meta: Hijack Shuttle

Fantasy: Ride to Urist's aid

[Gatleos]

Hooray for peg legs!

**********~
Turn 108
**********~

META TURN:

THIS IS THE FUTURE

Goals
Find the keycard stations.

Current Soundtrack
Potential For Anything

Actions

Meta: Loot an ally of his clothes.

(...) You leap at Derm and try to rip off his pants, but he casually steps aside and lets you pratfall in front of him. Your shame remains exposed.

Meta: Using uncanny prediction, pick up the thermometer, and throw it at the "off" button on the control panel.  Tweak the odds to help me.

(...) You clutch at the thermometer, only causing it to roll further away.

RW: Attempt to convey our need to press the pedestal button and our current situation.

(...)

"We're in space inside a simulation and also another simulation and you're not real and you have to help us push a button on a pedestal thingy PLEEEEEAAAAASE"
"...What?!"
"Just let us on the damn ship and we'll explain!"
"Stop... choking me... first!"
"Oh, right. There."

A screeching army of robots emerges in the distance, and begins sprinting across the tarmac!

"Quick, everybody inside the ship! That means you too! MOVE IT!"

RW: Regenerate through sheer willpower.

(...) You continue to bleed profusely.

Meta: Hijack Shuttle

(...) You suddenly go berserk, spraying the crowd of soldiers and civilians running onto the closest spaceship with a torrent of M16 rounds and flaming pyrokinetic death!

"JAAAAAAKOOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The smoke clears, revealing close to a hundred bullet-riddled and immolated corpses.

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derek L.
Occupation: Video game Developer/designer.
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Rambling.
Inventory: Underwear | Jeans | T-shirt | Watch
Wounds: Heavy Burns
Abilities: Code Expert | Neckbeard | NERD RAEG | Hangover
Player: Frelock
Name: Frederick Stephonavich
Occupation: Actuary (Knowing probabilities of things)
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Fumbling around ineffectively.
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Missing Arm | Heavy Bleeding
Abilities: Uncanny Prediction | Actuary's Lament | Tweak the Odds (...) | Hangover
Player: monk12
Name: Monk
Occupation: Troper
Description: Characteristically wears nice hats. Top hats, pirate hats, fedoras, you name it. Hopefully still has one in his possession.
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Utilizing the flammability of MANLY RAGE
Inventory: Underwear | Balloon Animal | Watch | M16
Wounds: None
Abilities: Applied Phlebotinum | TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life | MacGyvering | Telekinesis | Pyrokinesis
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: Kyle Hammers
Occupation: Janitor
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Wallowing in SHAAAAAAAME
Inventory: Watch | Ashcraver | Gauss Rifle
Wounds: Missing Legs | Triple Head Bumps | Blind | Missing Tooth x3 | Light Bleeding
Abilities: That's The Power of Pinesol, Bitch! | Clean Freak | Custodial Might | EMT | Digitigrade Legs | Telepathy | Clairvoyance | Hangover
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: John Freeman
Occupation: Drill Sergeant
Location: ?, Holodeck
Currently: Bleedin'.
Inventory: Underwear | Watch
Wounds: Heavy Bleeding x2 | Pierced Lung | Faint
Abilities: Major Payne | Fullmetal Jacket | Apocalypse Now | Hangover

Group Attacks
Impromptu Singalong
Spur of Conflagration to Giga Lazor

Locations
The S.S. Periclase
Main Deck
Deck 2
Maintenance Deck 3, Main Elevator
Maintenance Deck 3, Living Quarters
Maintenance Deck 3, Engineering Lab
EARTH!
Elevator Controls
Interrogation Room 7E-365 (Deck M3): You were all shackled to chairs in here when you woke up. The door has been dropkicked off its hinges. There's circuitry on the walls, a row of monitors, and a row of 5 chairs.

Spoiler: INITIATING RTD ROUTINE (click to show/hide)

FANTASY TURN:

The quest for The Keystone has begun.

Goals
"KIDNAP THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN AND ESCAPE" Complete!
Throw Ogomspoxom into the fires of Mt. Helmath! Complete!
Establish diplomatic relations with the Goblins! Failed Miserably
Brave the depths of Bistökmafol and deliver the package.

Current Soundtrack
Marsh Land

Actions

Fantasy: Beat myself and take his musket.

(...) You leap at HEN and try to rip off his pants steal his musket, but he casually steps aside and lets you pratfall in front of him. The adventurers stare at you, then Frelock pulls out a flaming rapier and jams it into your back! You sit up. You're sitting by the fortress' moat.

Fantasy: Continue exploring, looking for sacrifices.

(...) You trip and roll down the ramp into the entrance hall! The noise seems to wake up something in the dark corner at the other end of the room. A pair of glowing red eyes opens and stares at you, then an enormous creature leaps out of the darkness and starts charging toward you!

FW: Go up to and inspect the trade depot closely.

(...) You walk up to the trade depot and examine it closely. There doesn't appear to be anything remarkable about the depot itself, but there are spiral staircases extending into the ceiling and floor on either side of it. You hear a sound behind you, and spin around to see Frelock tumble down the entrance ramp. Suddenly, a huge hairy beast leaps out of the darkness and begins running in you and Frelock's direction!

FW: Cleave last two remaining monkey, catch the thief and butcher it to make Rhesus Pieces.

(...)





You leap high into the air, spin around and land facing the Macaques! You then toss your battleaxe with all your might and then some at the two of them! (...) The first macaque gets his leg cut off, (...) And the second screeches and jumps out of the way! The battleaxe keeps going and flies straight at Edgar! (...) The battleaxe heads straight for Edgar and is about to decapitate him when Bloodbeard leaps in front of the battleaxe and deflects it! With his face! Bloodbeard's head is vaporized by the flying axe blade, but it still manages to remove both of Edgar's legs in passing! The battleaxe continues to fly through the air and catches up to the fleeing Macaque thief, impaling and pinning him to the wall!

But you're not done. You strangle the other nearby Macaque to death, then run over to Bloodbeard's corpse and tear out its spine like a greasy rope! You then run over to the impaled Macaque and use the spine like a scourge to slowly and painfully flay the Macaque down to a skeleton with repeated whippings! You then construct a tanner's workshop, forge and smelter on the spot and begin a mysterious construction!

...

Fantasy: Ride to Urist's aid

(...) KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW

Status
Player: dermonster
Name: Derm Hell-binder
Occupation: Elemental Mage/Summoner.
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Screaming like a little girl.
Inventory: Robes | Spiffy Hat | Keyring| Mutie (Commanding) | Sword | Armor | Rat x5 (Commanding)
Wounds: Heavy Burns | Missing Left Hand
Abilities: Gift of the Magi (...) | Squishy Wizard | Summoner (...) | Tentacle Arm | Water Blast | Superheat | Tectonic Shift | Lightning Rod | Bonesalve The Savior of Mending
Player: Frelock
Name: Frelock Von-Heisenberg
Occupation: Luck-o-mancer (Manipulating probabilities of things)
Location: Entrance Hall, Bistökmafol
Currently: Laying on his face.
Inventory: Gold Coin | Peasant Robes | Golden Pocket Watch | Map of Westport | Long Sword | Armor | Spring Shoes
Wounds: Asthma
Abilities: Smooth Criminal | Accident Waiting to Happen | Befuddlement | Legsplosion | Greater Legsplosion | Armsplosion | Lich Curse
Player: monk12
Name: Edgar
Occupation: Sky Pirate
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Making a plaintive gesture.
Inventory: Sleeveless Long Coat | Grappling Hook | Harpoon Gun | Bloody Arrow | Case of Booze | Mysteeeeeeerious Package
Wounds: Right Forearm Missing | Left Arm Missing | Missing Leg x2 | Very Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Booze Power (...) | Terraphobia | Side-quest Radar
Player: HighEndNoob
Name: HighEndNoob
Occupation: Ninja Sniper
Location: Moat, Bistökmafol
Currently: Stretching.
Inventory: Robe | Throwing Dagger x18 | Musket | Musket Ammo x18 | Sword | Tattered Shirt | Leaf Barrel
Wounds: Missing Tooth | Heavy Bleeding x2
Abilities: Immaculate Aim | Clumsy Fighter | 'Splode On Impact | Best Death EVAR
Player: _DivideByZero_
Name: Urist Anvilsmasher
Occupation: Soapmaker
Description
Location: Courtyard, Bistökmafol
Currently: Pleased with himself.
Inventory: Cave Spider Silk Shoes x2 | Monkeytear the Fanciness of Wearing | Bar of Kitten Tallow Soap | Battle Axe | Bamboo Pegarm | Stone Arm | Ozurlidod
Wounds: Missing Arm x2 | Crooked Toe | Heavy Bruising
Abilities: Dabbling Surgeon (...) | Meager Social Ability | Martial Trance | Prehensile Beard | Legendary Leatherworker
Name: Mutie
Description: A giant mass of biological matter with a cat head sticking out of it. It takes orders from Derm.
Inventory: None
Wounds: None
Abilities: None

Locations
Ashiorid
Hellfire Cove
The Borealis
Condition:
Sunk
Westport
Mayor's Ogomspoxom's Former Manor
Forest Retreat
Nolsmustul, Goblin Fortress

[Dermonster]

RW: GET TO DA SHUTTLE COCKPIT! Tell MC about situation.
FW: Tectonic Shift. ROCK SPIKE!
Rats: Attack!
Mutie: Pwhn'guul i ghawl'fwata ryiu wgah uul'gwan h'iwn guu'lal.

[_DivideByZero_]

I killed bloodbeard! Opps....

RW: Continue to try and regenerate.
FW: Don the tuxedo while healing Edgar!

[monk12]

Meta: Pilot the now empty shuttle

Fantasy: Ask the dwarf for healing. Mourn Bloodbeard (the rat, not the prick), and put my severed legs in my bag. (if that is too many, I'll skip the bereavement.

[HighEndNoob]

Meta: Loot the corpses of their clothes.
Fantasy: Heal my wounds.
Also, I woke up but I'm still un-consis?

[Gatleos]

Also, I woke up but I'm still un-consis?

Nope, you were supposed to be consis. State of consisniss fixed.

FW: Don the tuxedo while healing Edgar!

It's surprisingly hard to draw pixel-tuxes, let alone ones made of monkey leather and adorned with silver plates and jewel-encrusted chains. But I'll do my best to accurately represent its majesty.

[monk12]

Better be pretty damn majestic, considering it incorporates the bones from BOTH OF MY LEGS.

[Gatleos]

Better be pretty damn majestic, considering it incorporates the bones from BOTH OF MY LEGS.

Actually, those were Frelock's legs. Not sure what happened to yours...