TURN TEN!
Patch up Edward, trying to unsever his body.
Deep in the jungle,
Davy Crockett stands over his fallen comrade, Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex as bullets fly overhead and the sound of battle rages.
“Tell me man,” whispers the hideously wounded dinosaur.
“Is it bad? Am I gonna die?”“Er… no, soldier,” confidently announces the frontiers veteran.
“It’s just a severed body, son, you’re gonna be alright! My pal Archimedes is the finest… er… the… least bad physician I’ve ever set eyes upon!”“Ahghr… it hurts, Davy, good God it hurts…”…“Don’t worry, Edward, I’m just gonna… Oh. I… er… Blast. Oh well. I guess you didn’t really need that foreleg either, eh?”Wound Acquired: Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex:
Severed Front Leg!Er!
“Oh, no, don’t worry about that, Davy, they’re all kind of deformed and short and useless anyway! And, you know, since my body was severed, I seemed to have kind of less control over my limbs than before anyway. Oh God, hold me, Davy!”Davy Crockett crouches down to comfort Edward the Tyrannosaurus’s head with his one good arm. He feels moderately uncomfortable.
He instead played a GENTLE-LOVING CHORD at Peter the DINOCAT SHAM, boosting the emotional weakening with a quick refrain on his KEYBOARDLEG!
Meanwhile, mere feet away,
Paul McCartney is hit by a startling realisation!
"Dude," he says to no dude in particular.
"Why am I swinging around this far out hoversword like a character in a history book? I'm a musician, not a barbarian!"
With his acoustic guitar in one hand and his KEYBOARDLEG in the other, Paul McCartney starts playing a lovely song! He aims his guitar at Peter the Dinocat Shaman!
”I give her all my love
That’s all I do
And if you saw my love
You’d love her too…”…The effect is immediate!
Break down and cry!
Peter the Dinocat Shaman, filled with remorse, flings a half hearted furball of energy
…at
Steve Irwin, and then suddenly remembers all the loves he left behind to follow the Path of the Dinocat Shaman! He wonders what might have happened if he had settled down with Mary all those years ago… perhaps the world would be a happy, sunny place, filled with dozens of little Peters? Perhaps if…
”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he wails,
”Josephine! WHY DID I NOT ASK YOU TO THE PROM?!”Peter the Dinocat Shaman starts to cry! He starts to groan! He starts to tear out his hair with grief and nostalgia for what may have been! ‘Tis the worst variety of nostalgia. He throws himself to the jungle floor and rolls about with melancholy.
There is one last thing we must do. Aim for the weak spots! A swift kick to the genitals should be the best option. Aim at the Shaman.
Just then
Steve Irwin walks over!
“Alright there, fella! Crikey mate, I thought you lot were meant to have a stiff upper lip, or something like that, eh? You are English, right? Anyway, sorry about this, but there’s one last thing I really gotta do…”Steve Irwin kicks Peter the Dinocat Shaman in the nads!
…The severed parts fly off in an arc, severing the brain! Both severed parts fly directly into the air, leaving a trail of vapour as they enter the lower atmosphere!
Peter the Dinocat Shaman stops wallowing in despair on the floor.
“Crikey fellas, I think he’s dead! Were you filming that? Oh shit,” adds the Aussie, looking upwards.
“Is that what I think it is?”Suddenly some dinosaur organs fall from the sky at tremendous speed!
Blazing through the sky, they strike
…Davy Crockett in the
…face, breaking it apart! Blood gushes out, flowing all over Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex!
Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Broken Face!Mathemagically blast that cat back into the stone age (Ie, elemental mathematics(Dinocat+ stone))
A short distance away, in a very dark box, a dinocat leaps across the emptiness, determined to chew
Archimedes of Syracuse’s leg off.
An even shorter distance away, Archimedes of Syracuse is determined not to have his leg chewed off.
“Take this, foul dinocat of some fiendish forgotten plane!” he shouts, waving his arms in mathematical concoction.
…”Oh bugger. I… er… Oops.”Wound Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse:
Stone Leg!Suddenly, everything stops being black! Standing, apparently, on top of the great big box, Archimedes blinks and looks around, slightly taken aback by this turn of events.
On one corner of the box he sees his nemesis, the small and lovable dinocat.
On the other corner he sees a man.
”Aha!” says the man.
”Are you in the box?”Everything briefly goes black.
”Or are you not in the box?! Who knows? Not me! Perhaps I am in the box!”Everything stops being black.
”Ah. No. Apparently not.”Erwin Schrödinger points a bony finger towards Archimedes.
”Now. You. Naked man. What are you doing in my box? Or out of it? Hmm?”
INTRODUCING: GUEST STAR: ERWIN SCHRODINGER, QUANTUM PHYSICIST, BOX EXPERT, AND CAT MANIPULATOR!
Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger, Quantum Physicist
Status: Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. II,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. IIIWounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Catsploitator,
Master of Cats,
Theorist of Uncertainty,
Master of Uncertainty,
Sickly Sorry, I need to do a map. You're all in the same position as before, except Archimedes is on a great big black box up the trail a bit with Erwin Schrodinger and an angry dinocat.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:None.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Four Veteran Crocodile Hunter
Status: Naked.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 100/100]Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Four Veteran Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered in blood and sick.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Four Veteran King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Naked. -1 to melee. -1 to legs. -1 to further facial wounds.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmlegface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:61/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Broken Right Arm! |
Severed Leg! |
Broken Face!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll! You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Four Veteran Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick. Naked again! -1 to Leg. -1 to Movement.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:73/75] |
Scratched Guts |
Stone Leg!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger, Quantum Physicist
Status: Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. II,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. IIIWounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Catsploitator,
Master of Cats,
Theorist of Uncertainty,
Master of Uncertainty,
Sickly Edward: 45/100. Severed Leg. Very Heavy Bleeding. Severed Front Leg. Heavy Bleeding. Severed End of Tail. Very Heavy Bleeding. Severed Body. Very Heavy Bleeding.
Lone Dinocat: 10/10
Gosh, Archimedes: that could have been your HEAD.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 247446 times)