I decided to make up for the lack of screenshots in the last couple updates. And with great timing, too, because the last summer at Mightygrips was
awesome. Probably my favourite update to write thus far. Also the longest, be warned.
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23rd Malachite, 17~The orcs were back. But this time we were not going to give in to their tactics of fear and intimidation. We would bring the fight to them.
Angron had spent the last week berating me for not letting him engage the beasts in melee combat. “I am a knight!” he shouted at me, over and over. “Let me protect my people! Do not let those cowardly archers defend our walls!” The other knights, though not so direct, had expressed the same sentiment to me over and over. They were getting fed up with standing around idly during each siege, safe as we were, and had gathered around to try and pressure me into changing my mind.
Ubik was with us as well, though Angron was noticeably facing away from her. The grand archer had garnered a reputation for silence, especially after the tragic death of Sparta. Now she rarely spoke unless discussing military tactics, and even then her sentences were short and sharp. So it was a surprise when she opened up into a tirade on Angron, saying twice as much as she ever had at the fort.
“Cowardly archers? You believe us cowardly archers? Very well then, mister Big Strong Knight. Go ahead and go out there alone. Face the spiders, with their webs thick enough to hold a caravan in place like a buffet. Face the orcs, twice our size and triple our strength and numbers. We cowardly archers shall be waiting here, feasting upon biscuits and wine!” She stormed out of the room, leaving a wake of silence behind her.
Eventually Angron, stunned, mumbled “Well, yeah, that’s kind of what I was going for…”
I sighed, annoyed at all this tension. “All right, you know what? Fine. But on the condition that you take Ingish and the recruits with you.” The sound of objection filled the air. I waved my hands around to quiet the knights down. “No! There is no discussion on the matter! Everyone will be in full plate armour and will move together as one, only attacking one squad at a time!
Is that understood?”
Mumbled, reluctant assent.
“Good! Now go get ready. The humans have been behind our walls for weeks. We don’t want to keep them here forever.”
Amused grumbles. Keeping the humans locked in with us as guests had tested all our patiences.
We parted ways to prepare for the following day's battle.
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24th Malachite, 17~The battle was first joined by miscommunication. When the matter was discussed later, it was realized that ‘by the bridge’ was perhaps too generic a choice of words for telling the troops where to congregate. The knights, having had plenty of experience, waited where they always did by the north courtyard bridge. Ingish’s squad of trainees waited by the outer moat bridge and immediately got into a scuffle with the orcs.
Of the 12 beginner swordsdwarves, 15 orcs, and 15 giant wolf spiders, four of Ingish’s squad survived, incapacitated, while a handful of orcs and spiders lay alive but too badly injured to attack. It was a bloodbath.
Sulvor saw what was happening first, and ordered the knights to charge just as a second squad was approaching. For his bravery, the last of the recruits were spared, and to my amazement no knight nor squire suffered a single wound. The orcs and spiders did not have that blessing.
We sent runners to grab the wounded, making sure nobody ran too far from the gates. But the siege was not over. Atop the mountain, two squads of snipers sat, waiting, while by the east walls a third squad of axe lords approached. Shymyro Lurchhated, a warlord, was among them.
Sulvor spoke. “They are right beside the moat. There is no room for us to maneuver. Facing them alone would be foolish; with a single misstep one could drown. We cannot do this alone.
“Alone?” scoffed Angron. “We won’t be alone, we’ve got the…” he trailed off, remembering the previous day’s exchange.
“You know what you must do,” said Sulvor. Lowerinng his head, Angron walked away very slowly. The knights retreated into the courtyard for him to return.
Kadzar, Gale, and Ferret, Angron’s, Sulvor’s Nalar’s squires and page respectively, sat down with their high boots in the water. Having begun their training together, the three were close friends, especially as the knights had a seriousness to them that did not allow the younger apprentices time to relax. “You know, I bet he likes her,” said Kadzar.
“What? Who?”
“Angron and Ubik. I bet he likes her.
Likes her likes her.”
Ferret chuckled. “Uh, hello? He’s involved with Nalar. We spend, like, all our time with them. Did you seriously not notice?”
Kadzar blanched. “Whoa, seriously? I didn’t catch that at all. I thought Nalar had a thing with Sulvor?”
Gale’s face went red. Ferret gave her a look, trying not to chuckle again but ultimately failing. “I don’t think Sulvor’s on the market right now, actually. He’s too busy, uh, ‘mentoring.’ Incidentally, Gale, we
all knew except for Sir Observant here.”
“What… but…” Kadzar shook his head a bit, trying to follow the conversation. “Well then who does Ubik like?”
“I don’t think Ubik likes people in general.”
With perfect timing, Ubik entered the courtyard with Angron and Macedon. “I have considered your cohort’s sentiment,” she spoke, “and I have resolved to aid you in this battle. Let the joining of marksdwarfship and swordplay mark a new era for Mightygrips. I take my leave.” With that, she headed out of the courtyard with Macedon and up on the walls.
“Oh man. She’s pretty dramatic, eh?” commented Ferret.
“Everyone’s dramatic. It’s war. Not much time to sit around and talk, you know?”
From the circle of knights, a number of calls rang out to the apprentices. Kadzar was right – there was never time to relax. The trio got up and returned to their masters, who were in the midst of their prep talk.
“…will show them mercy in the form only of a swift death!” shouted Sulvor. “We are Mightygrips!”
“We are Mightygrips!” shouted the knights back, and they began their charge.
As they ran, Nalar prayed to Rithol under her breath, while Angron clanged both swords together over his head, the only knight to forego a shield in favour of a second weapon. Grath turned to Randall, noticing her smile. “What’s so amusing?” he asked.
“What do you think about the moat? A little grey, isn’t it? A bit plain, I think.”
“And what did you have in mind?”
“I thought we’d redecorate,” she said. They both grinned, and slid their faceguards down. The battle had begun.
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Editor’s note: if anyone has awesome music at hand (preferably rock), I suggest you play it now
---From above the walls, Ubik and Macedon began firing. Though the orc squadron was composed primarily of carvers with axes, there were three snipers taking aim at the knights down the long approach. “There,” pointing Ubik, and they fired, their bolts cutting through the wrists of the orc archers. The knights, safe from ranged fire, raised their weaponry and let out a joined war cry.
The battle was bloodier than the first – these orcs were much better trained and equipped. The knights, however, acted as one unit, cutting the thick, hairy legs fom the spiders and knocking their riders down.
Randall was quickly beset by two orcs at once, but Grath intervened, knocking one into the moat. Randall quickly thrusted her sword under the second’s helmet. “Thanks,” she said as the carver fell to its knees, blood pouring down its crude iron armour.
“Just redecorating,” he said. She grinned.
On the far side of the battle, Kadzar had lost sight of Angron as well as the other knights. Behind him, he heard the familiar scuttle of a wolf spider sneaking up on him. Whipping his sword out behind him, he embedded it deep into a spider’s skull, the creature dying instantly. He went to pull it out, but found it stuck. The squire began to panic, now prressing a foot against the giant beast’s body, but having no luck.
“You are having trouble see,” growled a voice from atop the spider. Kadzar looked up to see Lurchhated, the warlord in charge of the siege, standing atop his dead mount. In crude Dwarven, he spoke again: “I help fix your problem.. for good.” The monster began to laugh, holding out his steel battle axe already glistening with blood, then jumping down beside it. It was wearing a tattered cape, Kadzar could see, and in its masterwork armour it was an intimidating sight. The squire could feel fear beginning to overtake him, knowing he was outmatched.
“Kadzar!” shouted a voice behind him. Ferret was now at his side again. “C’mon, we can take this guy. He’s not tough, just ugly!”
Kadzar nodded, though he was not completely certain, and the two spread out around the orc warlord, trying to flank it. Lurchhated swung his axe around in circles, keeping the two back, all while laughing. “You think I ugly?” he snorted. “Everything ugly. Only death beauty. I will help see you this beauty!” It suddenly reversed the swing of its axe, knocking the blade against Ferret’s chestplate.
“Ferret!” shouted Kadzar, ducking to avoid another high swing of the axe.
“I’m okay!” his friend shouted back, though he was clearly badly wounded. “Armour’s… just dented. You go get him for me!”
The axe circled around again and Kadzar moved to block it with his sword, but the orc’s strength was far greater than his and he lost his grip. His sword went flying off into the moat.
“Ha! Ha ha!” laughed Lurchhated, clearly enjoying this. “You now have no weapon! I make short work of you.. by cut off your knees! Then YOU are short work!”
The air whistled, and a bolt dug into the orc’s iron glove and through its hand. It screamed, dropping the axe. Kadzar turned his head quickly to see Macedon nod to him from the wall. Apprentices looked out for each other. The squire turned back to his opponent, his will renewed. “You say death is beautiful,” he said, picking up the orc’s axe. It hissed back at him, its good hand holding its wounded wrist. “Well, I think you’re ugly. Why don’t we give you a makeover?” The squire swung.
It wasn’t a killing blow – it was several non-lethal blows. The knights had a code to kill rather than simply wound. ‘Show them mercy only in the swiftness of their deaths,’ Sulvor often said. But Kadzar wasn’t a full knight yet. He swung again and again, only trying to hurt the creature. Finally he relented, having tired himself out. The orc was lying on its side, bleeding from all over, no longer capable of speaking.
“You hurt my friend,” he said. The orc eyed him angrily from the ground. “That was a bad idea.” Kadzar swung the axe back up on his shoulders, summoning the last of his strength. “You think death is beautiful? Go find out for yourself.” He swung, not with the sharp end of the axe, but with the flat side. The orc flew into the walls, gibs shooting off in all directions, then fell into the moat, floating face-down until the weight of its iron armour dragged it to the bottom.
Kadzar dropped the axe, panting heavily. Far away, in the the thick of the battle, the knights were just finishing up the last of the orcs. The snipers on the mountain had retreated, having watched as their numbers grew too thin for comfort. They had won.
“Kadzar?” mumbled the barely-conscious Ferret from the ground.
“Yeah?” he asked back.
“That was awesome.”
Kadzar grinned, both hands on his knees. He stood up and went to pick up his comrade. “Let’s go home, buddy.”
~
End Chapter 2~
As I sit here in my bathrobe, horribly hung over, I could not be prouder of our little dwarves.
Also, when your enemies spew ichor, blood, and vomit all at once, battlefields get disgusting. The battlefield is red (blood), white (ichor), orange (either red sand or blood AND ichor), green (vomit), light green (vomit and ichor), or grey (blood, vomit, and ichor together in harmony). Yum.
I’m pretty happy about the archers and knights teaming up. I really don’t think the knights would’ve won that one if Ubik and Macedon hadn’t shot down the snipers (seriously, they actually ignored all the other ors until the three snipers were down). Also, when Kadzar dueled Lurchhated (and seriously, they did duel alone; the knights had some weird squad stationing glitch and kept trying to patrol the south side of the moat) I actually switched his weapon of choice to axes so he could pick Lurchhated’s up.
So awesome. My sentiments mirror Ferret’s.
Didn’t get around to introducing the nobles what with writing about three times more about the battle than I had intended, but hell, I’ll get to it next time.
Sidebar: Sulvor is our first legendary swordsdwarf, and having done 100% of his training in combat without sparring (to make champions much rarer), I’m pretty happy about that. I’m making the champion-swordsdwarf title ‘Cavalier’ in reference to the half-warrior-half-nobility royalists of the English Civil War. All the titles I have right now make for a tasty anachronism stew, but hell, I don’t care. Macedon went legendary marksdwarf as well. There’s also a buttload of new titles: Macedon the Strokes of Coloring (apparently he’s considered an artist?), Sir Randall the Slayer of Dipping, Kadzar the Laborious Stalker of Focus, and my personal favourite, Sir Sulvor the Naughty Gorge of Names. In the recruit charge, we lost seven dwarves plus a baby. Momuz, the current leader of the all-wrestler mob squad, lost her husband and daughter (the baby was hers) but at least she managed to save herself by sacrificing the kid. And Bomrek, our full-time chef, is finally legendary, so despite these deaths and the tower accident’s other five-ish deaths, everyone’s still ecstatic (and I’m talking 1400 happiness ecstatic – regular ecstasy hits at 150, fyi).
Kill Count, from this battle only:
KNIGHTS
Ubik: 1 orc, probably a bunch of spiders but can't distinguish between new and old spider kills)
Sulvor: 10 orcs
Macedon: 8 orcs, 14 spiders
Kadzar: 7 orcs, 10 spiders
Ferret: 7 spiders
Angron: 5 spiders
Randall: 4 orcs, 4 spiders
Grath: 3 regular spiders plus 1 named one who killed one of Momuz's guys (named Pulpincest)
Nalar: 7 orcs, 9 spiders
MOMUZ'S MOB SQUAD
Momuz: 1 orc (and her only other two kills are dwarves from sparring accidents... yeesh)
Doduk: 2 orcs
Dodok: 1 spider
Eral: 3 orcs, 3 spiders
THOSE WHO DIED
Mistem Amemsazir: 1 orc, 1 spider
Erush Oslandurad: 1 orc, 1 spider
Mafol Kolvumon (Momuz's baby)
Obok Thocitmuthkat: 1 orc, 1 spider (Momuz's husband)
Pawn (nobody)
Dumed: 1 orc, 1 spider
Ingish II: 4 orcs, 1 spider
Stukos: 1 orc, 2 spiders