Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Execute/Dumbo.exe]

Another acquaintance of mine announced they were pregnant. My first (internal) reaction was "You're not going to think it's such a blessed miracle when you swell up like a balloon, you're vomiting and nauseous every other morning and all of your life goals slip away one by one". This was a cause of great mirth for me.

It was then that I realized I might be a pretty fucked up person.

I should point out those little thought bubbles in your head that detail quite ungood actions or thoughts are actually a real thing that real people say pretty much everyone has, they're called intrusive thoughts and because it's late and I can't be arsed I'll just give you the Wiki link without further comment.
Apart from the fact that whenever I see a kid with their parents I instantly think about the fact that they had to have had sex to get that little kid which is just about the most off putting thing I can think of when introduced to a kind and loving family.
OH, also, on the note of studying, I actually have a whiteboard in my room, it helps a lot, surprisingly, I really wasn't expecting it to.

[scriver]

Make flashcards, or an index card, or something.

I never saw the appeal in flash cards.

Flash cards? I imagine that's something like a dick pic, right?

I usually try to avoid commenting on other people's sadness because I have a fear of making things worse. That said...

What sort of world would it be if we could literally punch each other's bad feelings to make them go away?

You might not be able to punch them, bit you can squeeze them to death with hugs. Kinda.

Another acquaintance of mine announced they were pregnant. My first (internal) reaction was "You're not going to think it's such a blessed miracle when you swell up like a balloon, you're vomiting and nauseous every other morning and all of your life goals slip away one by one". This was a cause of great mirth for me.

Hey, better that happening from baby baking than just from age like it'll do to the rest of us.

[Arx]

Make flashcards, or an index card, or something.

I never saw the appeal in flash cards.

Flash cards? I imagine that's something like a dick pic, right?

It's an entertaining thought, but no. You represent a nugget of information on a card, and then flip through the deck to study them. Or something like that.

[Tawa]

Ah, yeah, flash cards. You write the question or a word or something on one side, then the answer or the definition on the other. Then you come back a few hours later or switch your deck with a friend's or something then flip through the deck and answer questions or define words one by one. My elementary school teachers were obsessed with the concept but I never used them; I much preferred to just reread the information I needed a couple of times.

[smirk]

I usually try to avoid commenting on other people's sadness because I have a fear of making things worse. That said...

What sort of world would it be if we could literally punch each other's bad feelings to make them go away?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T041HnskeIk
Kinda obvious, but it had to be done. Inasmuch as that intro makes me happy, it really does punch away bad feelings.


Most recent sad: unexpected strain while doing some heavy lifting for the garden has rendered walking difficult. This is ridiculous. I still plan on living forever, and how is that going to happen when my body starts giving out? This whole aging thing is a bum rap. "Mortality", my ass.

[itisnotlogical]

brb gonna waste another nine hours of my life at a job that i hate and doesn't pay enough lol

[chaotic skies]

It's taken the entire weekend for ESO to get to 86% downloaded and I can't play it till it's at 100% :C

[Shook]

Ach, can relate to that all too well. Memories flash back to the days where exceptionally large downloads could take an entire week to finish. :I

In other news, without even taking my constant bowel problems (that you're all tired of hearing about) into consideration, i'm getting increasingly stressed out by my inability to go look for a damn job. I get anxious just THINKING about going somewhere and asking about employment, and my online options are starting to be spent. I also get anxious about thinking of other ways to break out of this rut, i.e. actually devoting a certain amount of time to drawing, setting up livestreams, advertising commissions and my Patreon page, et cetera. It's this annoying wombo combo of feeling like i shouldn't, while also feeling like i want to. Kind of like a delicious forbidden fruit to a hungry man.

. .

Fuckin' internal conflicts. Won't ever get anywhere in this life if i can't even come to a consensus with myself.

[TheBiggerFish]

*pats Shook*

Good luck I guess?

[Shook]

Thanks. I do have a safety net of sorts (my parents are willing to help me pay the tuition if i fail to earn enough dosh), but i'm kind of tired of always falling into whatever safety net i may have. I'm also tired of STILL being ruled so much by anxiety, even after group therapy (though it did help), but it's not like i can just decide to not be anxious or afraid any more. One of the most nerve wracking experiences i've had recently was to let my physiotherapist look through my sketchbook on his own. I am fully aware of how silly that may sound to most of you (it looks silly to ME when written down like that), but i was visibly trembling afterwards.

Also, i am extremely skittish about people looking at what's going on on my monitor, so for the most part when people (especially my confused moth of an older brother, who spends a disconcerting amount of time standing in the middle of the room while "contemplating") are looking, i bring forth a sufficiently non-descript screen that they're probably not going to take notice of and/or make comments to, and stay there until they go elsewhere. A crucial step towards living with my anxiety would be to let people look all they want, without reflexively pausing, minimizing or whatever. It feels really unpleasant, but i know i'll have to if i am to get anywhere. I also feel like i should probably tell my brother that the reason i am so goddamn jumpy about his floundering around is that my anxiety is fucking with my head. That, and i really don't care much for explaining everything on the screen, nor do i care for him backseat browsing when he has a computer literally two meters away that he could be browsing on.

[SalmonGod]

Ach, can relate to that all too well. Memories flash back to the days where exceptionally large downloads could take an entire week to finish. :I

Yeah... I remember spending a whole week download a music video from a friend in little chunks... those were the days.

[Solifuge]

Shook, I still reflexively do the monitor thing too. I still felt that way when my folks dug up an old and embarrassing notebook of mine at the house I grew up in, too. Old habits die hard.

But yeah, anxiety blows. I've sorta been there, and I'm sorry that's a thing you're working around. Among other things, it got in the way of living the way I wanted to live, against the current of what I felt everyone else wanted me to do. They mostly just wanted me to be safe and successful, but I was letting that overwhelm my own feelings, and getting really confused and overwhelmed in the process. Same for expressing myself honestly, rather than through saying what folks wanted to hear, or through constant jokes and living ironically. For some folks, it can take effort to build up the courage and will and chutzpah to just be as you are. You can do it if you're diligent about it, and honest with yourself.

Or I've completely misinterpreted what you were saying, and am just projecting. That happens too. 9_9;

[Truean]

Again, please no quoting, it will be quite obvious why this time:

It seems one of my old clients has gotten out of prison and is threatening all of his old lawyers. I got him probation so I don't know what his problem with me is, but whatever. Evidently, he's quite dangerous after all. Hum. I ... I don't know, but I'm starting to think he may just have done it.... This means I'm disappearing for a bit, and does not help me with job hunting one bit. Yet another complication.

I don't need him seeing any kind of activity, whatsoever, so hiding I go.

I think 12 bay is safe enough, but still. I'll probably be on here somewhat, at least.

This is unfortunate and I'm just going to go through the motions as best I can. It is another lovely setback I will work through as best I am able.

Again, please no quoting, it will be quite obvious why this time:

[Bauglir]

Shit, good luck, friend.

[TheBiggerFish]

Good luck.