I certainly didn't mean to cheapen the pain there, and I do recognize that there's more than one step to dealing with grief like this; people had shared all the condolences I could have, so I just added what I hadn't seen. Dunno if it helps anyone else, but being hopeful and focusing on the long-term has helped me deal before.
I agree with you, and I think we're saying similar things; Parents and close family are some of the first people we love, look to for protection, and all that... and that makes them special. My point isn't about "replacing" parents (which is impossible, as is "replacing" any individual) and more about how to heal; directing your love and energy toward activities that reward you, and people who can reciprocate. You could argue that that's the whole point in posting about the problem online like this; seeking out some form of love when one is suffering from it's absence. But if you sooth the pain like that, but keep going back to the source of it... if the problem is left to just persist and keeps eating at you, you need to take a step back and reassess how you're approaching the situation. And this, in my understanding, has been a repeated source of pain over a long time. It bears that kind of thinking, yeah?
I was raised by absentee parents with abuse streaks, and I understand and sympathize very much with loving parents that don't know how to reciprocate, or who even take your love for granted as an excuse to hurt you. There's a point when you have to recognize when you're in a bad pattern, and keep trying to squeeze blood from a stone. To continue trying just brings even more needless suffering than the pain of not having that in the first place. Along with the comfort of my friends, that's something I needed to hear back then.
That said, yeah. Condolences first, problem-solving later. Always one step at a time.
Just to add, cross-posting something I think may be relevant:
I love her like a friend.
That's higher than family, for me.
Funny thing. "Blood is thicker than water" is a misquote as I understand it. The original goes "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." To step outside the religious context, it means that the bonds we choose (our friends) are stronger and more vital than the ones we're born to.
It might not be historically accurate, but it rings truest to me.