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[Trapezohedron]

If only my choice in girls wasn't shit and I wouldn't be derided at for choosing "poorly"

I might have had someone to support me.

No matter. I am still smiling after all. Everything will be fine

[Amperzand]

The main problem seems to be largely with your current, somewhat toxic, social group. Don't assume that because others say everything you do is shit, it's shit, though making sure they don't have a good point is a good idea.

The nap thing is also pretty smart.

[Trapezohedron]

Problem is, my social group IS my family.

[TheBiggerFish]

Oh.
...Find a D&D group or something?

[Yoink]

Problem is, my social group IS my family.

I can relate to that. I can also say that, one day, you will be able to either reconcile with them or distance yourself from them, as you prefer. I used to feel like there was no escape from the constant onslaught of emotional torment caused by my own family, but nowadays I am living two states away and happily removed from all that bullshit. And suffering from new emotional torment caused mostly by my own wretched self, but meh, that's besides the point.
So... I know it doesn't sound particularly helpful, but: hang in there. That sort of situation is one you can definitely escape from given time.


And yeah, hobbies are always good. And music.

[Tiruin]

Hello self-anxiety {Hi social anxiety. Hi fear of judgement~. Yo unproductivity, sup!}
Hello another vacation with little done. .-.

* Tiruin brushes away anxiety and looks at the time. 8:06pm, 22nd of December. Much time to get something done...

* Tiruin gives Trapezohedron and the rest a big hug. ♥

Supports will always help.
But don't give all your attentional and conscious focus into demeaning yourself--or moreso, into the thoughts that demean yourself.
Remember what represents the qualities you judge yourself by: Sometimes we judge ourselves by what we usually hear by those around us [esp. those in authority, or in a profession we look up at, or the commonly heard thing all around]. Balance it with discernment--you being threatened and demeaned does not constitute the behavior of someone who can represent your actual merit. Do not follow the labels that slow your growth, or make you get the mindset of a 'lesser' ideal. When threatened in your context (since he's your bro), there's always a better way of response than physical. Match it with a suggestion on what can be a better response. It's not going to their level of demeaning others--and that's not a level that you should get to [because it brings everyone and yourself down once both parties go there].
Don't off yourself. That denies you any chance of being a better person.

Problem is, my social group IS my family.

I can relate to that. I can also say that, one day, you will be able to either reconcile with them or distance yourself from them, as you prefer. [...]

Err, it's a Filipino thing, but it's "very different" when you say 'distance yourself' ._.
We rarely have D&D groups here...and many many things.
I'd suggest Trapezohedron for going for aid that his college(?) may provide or such (since he mentioned a thesis), because that will be of great help [ie School counselors and such] but mmph
Just don't give up. Do not die, too. (Because I'll be losing one more friend if you do, amongst many other things to mention. >_>)
Kaya mo yan, kabayan...

[Trapezohedron]

The thesis is honestly sound to me. Competitive analysis.

But since there's no one biting it, and effort = F--, that's wasted effort and thus absolutely wrong and useless.

It's hard to distance myself from family - Tiruin knows that that much, since there's a thing called utang na loob, in which you are indebted to the people who supported you, even when you didn't ask for it. And typically, in Philippine cultures, those debts can last as long as your life and you're expected to know that debt and its implications. With an IND score of 32 compared to Western standards of 80-90 (see Geert Hofstede), this means Philippines is veeeeeeeeeery familial.

It's hard not to demean yourself when you try doing things to please your family, and then every single instance of it is wrong with no consideration for effort. And the word 'useless, dumb as a fuck, imbecile' gets drilled to the very definition of your Psyche.

Something something adage remind a caterpillar how to walk it will fumble instead. That happens to me every time. I wonder even if it's their fault or mine because either way something will go wrong because of self-doubt, or if not, "corrections".

...i'll probably go find a hose. Something gardening would do fine, I bet.

[Yoink]

I can relate to that. I can also say that, one day, you will be able to either reconcile with them or distance yourself from them, as you prefer. [...]

Err, it's a Filipino thing, but it's "very different" when you say 'distance yourself' ._.

Do you mean very different from "reconcile yourself", or does distance yourself have a different meaning?
Of course they have different meanings, but they both put an end to the current situation of a person with family troubles. 'Distance yourself' = move away, escape, cease interacting with them, etcetera.

[Shook]

I honestly didn't think i'd ever say this due to how much of a caveman i am, but i kind of miss the sun. Pretty much the entirety of December so far has been rainy and/or overcast, and the few bits of sunlight that do show up (provided that the sun is on the right side of the planet) tend to be while i'm asleep or in the process of waking up. Plus, due to winter and a somewhat northern latitude, the sun goes down at around 15:30 (damn you winter solstice). Hell, it's 15:15 now and it's already looking like twilight outside. All the rain makes the local forests muddy as all hell and thus undesirable to walk around in, but it's also getting seriously repetitive to go for walks in the neighborhood. I look forward to spring already. :I

[TheBiggerFish]

Timezones.  Ugh.
(not in relation to any of the sads here but yeah.)

[Amperzand]

@Trapezohedron: While I, with the many "advantages" of living in a country with often-traumatically-low median levels of familial spirit, don't really have the experience or knowledge to deal with that problem, I do feel that finding friends outside of your family is likely very important. Somebody trustworthy to talk to about your current situation.

[Furtuka]

Worst finals of my entire life. I just. I just. AGQHSBEQBNq3O{NHOQ

I hate this. I so goddamn pissed at myself. I just wanna lie down and- I don't even know. This is horrible

[miauw62]

Ugh, why did I even look at facebook today. It's my crush' birthday so I knew there would be posts from them and I knew they would make me feel that I should just give up.
Just, bleh. Why do I even still check facebook anyway. Everything I see I interpret negatively and makes me doubt harder. I guess I'm looking for that confirmation of my suspicions so I can give up...
It's going to be a long Christmas break >.>

[Rolan7]

I was... am an enormous coward.  I knew I couldn't do the thing, but I should have *said* I couldn't do the thing.  Instead I got paralyzed, physically recoiled every time I started dialing, and made everything so much worse.

This is my fault for not getting proper help, I thought I was getting better - I *am*, much better, but not enough this time.  I even got some decent advice and just didn't follow it.

This'll blow over for everyone else fast, but I'm going to be struggling with the shame of this cowardice and failure for weeks.  And I only got out of like half the event, so I have to look them all in the eye on Christmas Eve while I'm feeling all this.  It's going to be so awkward and tense, which is going to cause a fight between two certain people.  I'm supposed to be helping them reconcile but instead I'm just standing by and making things worse.

If it wasn't for Star Wars, or rather my friends wanting to see Star Wars, I would just completely skip this Christmas altogether

...  And I can't do my JOB which makes me feel SO MUCH LESS SHITTY because the physical offices, hundreds of miles away, are "closed" for the "holidays" argh sorry I just want to blame anything but myself right now.

[Wolfhunter107]

I just learned that my great-grandfather is in the hospital with pneumonia.