I just feel so sick with myself, so disgusting, so angry and frustrated with myself..
What I did tonight was breakdown and go to a strip club, just cause I wanted any female contact. I regret it now, so much. I couldn't relax at all, I feel so guilty when I waste money frivolously. There weren't any girls I found genuinely attractive, I kept being distracted by how lifeless and mechanical their nude dancing was. And when there was one girl that I found attractive, she wouldn't pay any attention to me.
It really does feel like I drag around an aura that says 'Don't Talk to Me', and even when I'm willing to let go a lot of money just to feel like I'm dispelled of it, it's so evident that the aura's clutched onto me and won't let go.
And so I broke down even further, and did something I internally swore to never do: I started flipping through old texts on my phone that I'd been saving for months, written by the last girl I dated so long ago. I wanted to read them again cause she was so sincerely calling me cute and handsome, she was so playful and nice and smart, I just wanted to feel that kind of good attention again.
I had to walk out of the club when I started welling up right there, before anyone noticed. I cried a little driving back home. Pulling into my driveway and turning the ignition off, I was just so upset I sat in the pitch blackness of my car for twenty minutes or so trying to put my head together.
I'm losing all hope in my life. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Relax man, seriously you are not a terrible person or anything and I can tell you with certainty that you would not be the first person to go to a strip club and leave feeling depressed. Sure, you've got some problems but so does everyone else out there. Some people are just better at covering them up. You don't need to beat yourself up over the things that are wrong with you. Just look at them and try thinking realistically about what different things you could do to self improve yourself and be happier.
Regarding the attractive stripper, remember for them it's just a job. They're trying to make money and it's not personal. Even if they were showering you with attention, it wouldn't be personal, it's about money. Regarding the old text messages; okay, you had something special once and you can get it again. It might be a pain in the ass to get but you can certainly get it.
Attitude is a big key, I won't lie about that. If you feel shitty about yourself all the time that shows and people, being what they are, will probably treat you differently because of it. Look more at the things you like about yourself. Everyone has a redeeming quality somewhere in there. If you can't find it, congratulations on being humble, there you go. Seriously though, look for things you like about yourself and if you're having trouble finding some, go make some. Maybe get a gym membership and start working out or go jogging. Take it easy and take your time, everyone has to start somewhere. It's a pain but over time, it'll build you up physically which can lead to your self confidence being built up. Instead of going to a strip club, maybe try yoga classes. It might sound stupid but it can actually be very relaxing and help you relieve stress as well as making you feel healthier and happier. Realize that for all the issues you have, other people have issues too. It may sound like a crappy thing to do, but start looking at other people's faults to make yourself feel better. Don't elevate others to god like positions where what they think has so much power over you. When you can realistically see all the things wrong with other people and contrast that with yourself, for me at least, it helps put things in perspective. You don't want to be mean about it with other people but just for yourself, realize that you actually have good qualities and other people have problems even if they aren't the same ones you have.
All the stuff above would hopefully make you feel happier with yourself. Being happy and self confident is a big step towards getting people to like you. Another big part, as was alluded to on the other part of the thread, is that people are selfish and like feeling good. So make other's feel good. Find a group of people who have similar interests and humor to you. Bring up a topic you know they like talking about and
let them do most of the talking. People love others who listen to them and make what they're saying sound important. If they aren't good at talking, try a little bit by bringing up a topic they know and love and if that doesn't work just talk about it yourself and maybe make a couple jokes. There's a good chance people will love you for it. Talk about your flaws to others. Not in a whiny way but in a joking story teller kind of way. Relate bad things that happened in a funny way and it'll make people feel more confident and good around you. Just don't be whiny about it. Be funny and be confident. Realize that bad things happen to everyone and that when it happens, it can be a funny story to tell but that it doesn't make you a bad person. Don't try too hard to get others to like you. I know that might sound weird given this whole paragraph about people liking you but it's important. When you interact with others, it shouldn't be to get them to like you but to have fun. You're in it to have fun and get a laugh out of what others have to say or to talk about stuff that interests you. If being around certain people doesn't make you feel good, then respectfully keep your distance and look for another group of people but don't give up.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9765066 times)