TONIGHT on DWARF NEWS
Urist McMayor's plans to prevent unemployment by starting vast building projects grind to halt with the lack of expendable stone. The Mayor has sent forth an excavation team to retrieve more stone from the caverns. "Economical growth is the biggest issue we have. We can't thrive on wood forever - the surface is home to dangerous creatures and goblins! Down there, there's nothing dangerous - only stone, metal and space to be exploited, without any risks at all!"
Militia Commander Urist McBraveButStupid has protested the dangers of his work. "It's not fair, really. The amount of caught goblins has grown too rapidly, and we'll have to execute more than five at a time! Even without weapons, they do have sharp teeth, you know. The prison populations have grown really fast this year, so eventually we'll need new ways of exterminating convicted goblins en masse. I've talked with Urist McCourtEngineer about the situation and he has presented me with interesting schematics for various mass execution methods. They revolve pretty much around the conclusion that goblins can not fly or breathe in water. They also, according to his calculations, are not magma-safe, whatever that means."
The price of barrels and fuel is finally starting to fall as the massive wood harvesting campaign is successful. "The situation will be normal within a few months", Urist McEconomist comments. When asked about the impact of the mass harvesting on the trade relations with the elvish tribes, Urist stated: "Well, there may be some diplomatic problems if too much wood is harvested too quickly. But that's what our army is being paid for - to protect our economy!"
The Minotaur captured by the excellent cage traps of the fortress has complained about indwarfane prison conditions, specifically about not being allowed to see his solicitor and being forced to stay in a small cage without food, drink or exercise. He has also complained about his upcoming punishment, death by a hail of crossbow bolts: "Those so-called marksdwarves are half-blind! Could you at least provide me a swift death at the arena instead of having those idiots fire at me for ages before one of them actually hits my head?" The requests have been denied, but the possibility of commuting the sentence to lethal impalement is still valid. The Dwarven Commitee for Dwarfane Executions considers the case not to be critical for their cause. "Well, we don't want people being executed in over-the-top fashion, but on the other hand, everyone enjoys a good show every now and then..."