Turn Seventy TwoConcentrate on unbreaking Whiz's important bits if this is possible. Then wonder if a ribcage counts as a severed limb in this crazy world we currently inhabit. If so, reattach Medha's ribcage with available supplies.
With the debris of massive damage scattered all about, the party takes a second’s pause.
"That certainly went quite swimmingly aside from all the horrid and possibly lethal injuries,” points out Gervedder,
"I should probably make myself useful somehow.""Pff, those were weak little Dragons! Totally anti-climactic!""Yes..." muses the Messenger.
"Whiz is still under one though. He doesn’t look that comfortable."Gervedder pushes idly at the dragon corpse with his foot. It doesn’t budge.
Lady Foxglove lands, after mocking the rather hideously deformed Medha, and gives the dead dragon a bit of a shove. It doesn’t move.
But then, in a heart-warming collage type scene of coming together and cooperation in the face of adversity, Tackov comes to help; the grotesquely mangled Medha stumbles across; and finally Bukkar rolls back over in his stenchbarrel.
Pooling their strength together in some kind of metaphor for something, the five brave adventurers heave and pull, push and tug, until, finally, a miracle is bestowed upon them! The dead dragon rolls over, revealing a rather flat and broken wizard underneath.
"Whiz! You did the very thing I ordered you not to do!" greets Foxglove fondly,
"You know, it seems to have done your figure a world of good. You look almost tolerable."”Mnnggg.”Use a Gee Whiz, use Red Carpet to create a carpet that spews out healing potions, and drink one of my Minor Health Potions.
With the great help of various medical experts, Gervedder looks Whiz up and down. He diagnoses the poor man with a broken head, possible broken brain, broken chest, and acute flatness – only two of which can be addressed with a great quantity of bandages, although, of course, acute flatness can be cosmetically fixed with bandages in the right place, he reflects. As Tackov holds down his colleague’s legs and Foxglove offers helpful advice regarding the best colour of bandage to complement Whiz’s severe bleeding, Gervedder wraps bandage after bandage around the groaning mage.
…They immediately flood with dark crimson and become warm and soggy to the touch.
"Hmm. I’m afraid that broken bones aren’t entirely my area of specialism, my dear Whiz. How does it sound if I sever your head and chest and then reattach them?"At this kind offer, Whiz seems to perk up.
”Mnnnnggggg!”Crawling to his knees he casts some kind of spell which seems to enable him to groan twice as fast. He downs a healing potion and, although no one can see it for the blood-sodden bandages wrapped around it, his head immediately ceases to bleed.
He looks down forlornly at his smashed chest, and with a painful wave of his hand summons… a rug?
…It appears at his feet, and appears to be leaking: Whiz lets himself fall over and starts licking the rug, slurping up the lovely sweet goodness before it soaks into the ground beneath.
Gervedder and his assistant surgeons are too moderately repulsed – although not terribly surprised – by this behaviour to notice the blood in Whiz’s bandages appear to seep back into the poor crushed casualty.
They certainly notice him get back to his feet though.
Healing potion dribbles all over his chin as he speaks.
”Mnnnnnnnngggggggg, gnnngg!”"Don’t er… don’t mention it?"The barrel clanks about, and a voice is heard within shouting in joy. Then a hand pops out of the barrel and begins gathering up dragon bits.
Gather up dragon bits, regret nonexistence of slo-mo replay.
Meanwhile a rather distracted Bukkar is rolling about the field of battle in his barrel, here and there stopping to stuff a bit of dragon into his black hole.
He hates
everyone, because
they got to see him being amazing, and
he didn’t.
He thinks back, in his mind’s eye seeing his magnificent barrel fly through the air, flung by his magnificent Mexican peasant Roñardo’s magnificent muscular arms, flying with his fist outstretched protruding from the barrel, the barrel of joy, death, and bodily fluids, flying
right through the fiendish dragon of death and annihilating it in one magnificent blow!
Tremendous.
Go ahead and try to help ribcage fixing up attempts because there's fashionable and then there's overdoing it.
Bukkar’s reminiscing is suddenly interrupted when he hears a tiny tiny voice from somewhere and uses a temporary joy bonus to locate its source – the unfortunate Medha. Out of friendship, pity, and joy he fishes a nice glass bottle out of who knows where and fills it with some nearby dragon blood. He manages to carry it to Medha without instinctively drinking it, and offers it.
”Thank you, Bukkar. I haven’t told many men this before, but you were awesome. Thank you.”Deep within his stench, Bukkar blushes.
Just as Medha is about to faint, Tackov suddenly appears and stops her from falling.
”Medic!! We need a doctor over here! Quick!”Gervedder appears, stares with horror at where Medha has been transformed into a ruined barbecue, and strokes where a beard might be if he were ever scruffy enough to grow one.
"Hmm. Now, tell me," he says, addressing the woozy patient,
"Is this a burning type of wound, or a severing type of wound? You know," he says,
…unfortunately thinking too much,
"It’s a burning kind of wound, isn’t it." He shakes his head.
"Terribly sorry old chap. Nothing I can do for you. Perhaps we should just get to yon kobold cave before you do anything else silly?"Current Players:Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: -1 to gut defence. +1 missile defence. -1 to melee. Dressed!
Health: [HP: 60/60] |
The Vomiting! |
Severed Guts!Abilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of:
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, bits of guts (own), You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 1 Green Farthing.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing. +2 to defence (one turn left). Stuck under a dragon. -1 to dodge. -1 to head defence. Summoned Carpet (leaks healing potion) for four more turns.
Health: [HP: 48/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! |
Broken Chest! |
Broken Head!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros, Fancy Clothes,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x4, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2,
Middling Health Potion x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted).
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. -1 to chest defence. -1 to dodge.
Health: [HP: 05/85] |
Severed Rib! |
Severed Rib! |
Severed Ribcage!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 73 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 211 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood.
Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 2 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Cureall,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Extra-presentable! +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid,
Lance, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x5, Live eel x700,
Grenade of the Fool x1.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status:Health: [HP: 85/85] |
The Vomiting!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, Dragon Body Parts Covered in Bodily Fluids (quantity-small).
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 193228 times)