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[zacen299]

Yeah where is USEC I want to see my flaming broken pole plan either fail spectacularly or get the luckiest roll ever and have it do a lot.

[USEC_OFFICER]

Open the secret door and have a look behind it. Make sure to stand to the side of the thing before opening it.

Spears launch out of the door and kill you. The secret door opens into a short, twenty-foot corridor that turns south down a flight of stairs. As you investigate the corridor, you start to hear a distant rumbling...

Name: MaxClone2
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Class: Fighter
Equipment: Two-handed sword, heavy armor, as many healing potions as he can get his hands on.

MaxClone2 wanders into the entrance to the Tomb of Horrors, looking to avenge his clone's death.

Malaken shall head to the fight, and cast Summon Ancestral Spirits, using them to distract the lich. While the spirits are busy doing their thing, he shall try to pimp-slap the lich with the mummified hand.

You cast Summon Ancestral Spirits.

[13] They're not particularly pleased at being summoned, especially since you never talk to them anymore. And would it kill you to send a votive offering now and again? Eventually you convince them to go after Acererak as a distraction while you wail at him with the mummy hand.

[16 + 2] You whack the lich with the mummy hand, yelling something about wanting your money. 1 damage Sadly as a Lich Acererak is immune to mummy rot, but at least you got to pimp-slap the shit out of him.

Find a way to light the ten foot pole and fire and then before lighting it on fire break it into little chunks and throw them after lighting them on fire at the lich hoping to light him on fire.

[1] ...

You accidentally light yourself on fire. Oh, and you burn what's left of your 10-foot pole as well. I have no idea how you thought that this would be a good idea. Liches aren't particularly vulnerable to fire, or at least the kind you get by burning a 10-foot pole.

I'm going to cast Mage hand to pick up the mace and beat the Lich with it. Immediately after the attack, the hand passes the mace to the nearest fighter.
pleaseletthisworkpleaseletthisworkpleaseletthiswork...

[10] Using your Mage Hand ability you scoop up the mace...

[3 + 2] but you fail to hit the lich with it. Whoops. Maybe somebody else will have more luck next time.

Start stabbing at Acererak with my sword.

If magic starts happening, back up.

[13] You viciously stab Acererak with your sword. Hah! Take that, you vile fiend! 1 damage

Radzak will try to cast Create Anvil on the ground near himself.

[10] You summon a small anvil next to yourself. I'm pretty sure that the first anvil you summoned is still around, so I have no idea why you need to summon another one.

Attack Again

[1] You fail to skew Acererak with your rapier. Probably because you tripped on the anvil that Radzak just summoned.

I shoot the motherfrakking Lich and HIT HIM THIS TIME!

[8] Jesus, you just can't hit anything today. Did you train at the storm-trooper academy or something?

Liberally apply Spear in general direction of Lich

[13] You liberally apply the pointy-end of the spear to the Lich's stomach. It's super effective! (I guess)1 damage

I'll avoid the magicks, and try to track down that Trueseeing Gem that rattled away. Want to see if this lich is what we think it is.

[7] You kinda fail at avoiding the lich's magicks. And his magics too. Maybe Definitively next time.

I the tank shall ram the lich to  grab the mace and give it big welcome to the lichs brains

You rush forward and snatch the mace up from Tarmik the Magnificent's mage hand, before leaping on the lich's shoulders.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[AUTOSUCCESS] You viciously swing the mace around, hitting Acererak all over his body, smashing bits off of him left and right. Finally you take a pause from your vicious barrage and back-flip off his shoulders, using your momentum to shatter its jaw and knock its head clean off of its body. 5 damage

Hell. Yeah.

As the lich's body hits the floor it withers up and collapses into a pile of Acererak dust. The mace, it's job complete or something, shatters into tiny little mace fragments. Oh, and one more thing...

The room begins to shake and stones rain down from the ceiling. A tremor shoots from north to south through the room, and something grinds in the ceiling. More hunks of stone fall from the ceiling, and the rumbling noise begins to grow, and grow . . .

(Yes, even Kazard feels the room shaking and the stones falling)

10

Spoiler: Brave Adventurers (click to show/hide)

Name: Tybar Whurthic
Player: Azthor
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter

HP: 3/3

Items: mining equipment, waterskins (water), rations, torch



Name: Midna
Player: Solifuge
Gender: Female
Class: Ranger (Fighter)
Race: Dwarf

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Brace of Handaxes, Mirror Shield
Armour: Ringmail, Saffron-Yellow Cloak, Goggles of Nothingness

Items: Bottle of Brandy, Torch, Smokesticks


Name: Tank
Player: killerhellhound
Gender:
Class: Fighter
Race: Minotaur

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Battle Axe/Throwing Axes (5 Axes)
Armour: Orkish Steal(en?) Armour, Dwarven Shield.

Items: Steak, Spare Axes (5 Axes), Rope, Torches


Name: MaxClone2
Player: MaximumZero
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter
Race: Human

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Two-Handed Sword
Armour: Heavy Armour

Items: You can't take healing potions with you!



Name: Redd T. Shir
Player: OREOSOME
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Rapier/Crossbow (30 bolts)
Armour: Leather Armour

Items: Rations for 2 weeks, torch



Name: Kazard McDermeth
Player: Zako
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Crossbow (28 bolts)
Armour: Studded Leather, +1 Ring of Protection

Items: Rope, Pouch of Chalk Sticks, Torches, Ten Foot Pole



Er... Wrong picture.


There we go.

Name: Hans
Player: Hanslanda
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Short Bow (26 arrows)
Armour: Studded Leather

Items: grappling hook with rope attached, lockpicking/assorted thievery kit, Healing Potion x 2


Name: Cairn
Player: zacen299
Gender: Male
Class: Ranger (Rouge)
Race: Human

HP: 1/2

Weapons: Dagger/Throwing Knives (10 Knives)
Armour: Leather Jerkin

Items: None.


Name: Karas Sirenna UNIT-003
Player: Kestel_6
Gender:
Class: Rouge

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Rapier/Hand Crossbow (30 Bolts)

Items: Rope



Name: Gramjir
Player: Lich180
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Silver Mace/Wizards Staff (20 charges)
Armour: Silver Chainmail

Spells: Cure Wounds, Dispel Magic, Frostbolt, Ethereal Walk, Feather Fall

Items: Food/Drink for a week, torch



Name: Dr. Malpracteece
Player: Geen
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Dagger/Generic Wand of Ranged Killiness (20 charges)

Spells: Create Undead, Fire Wall, Detect Magic, Dispel Magic, Magic Missile

Items: Torch, Bottle of Oil



Name: Naj
Player: TaiwaneseRedneck
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spiked Mace/Needle Crossbow (40 needles)
Armour: Red Mage Plate

Spells: Long Light (No one thought of this?), Lightning, Cause Wounds, Detect Invisibility, Remove Invisibility

Items:  Liquid Pitchblende, Rope


Name: Malaken
Player: Vorthon
Gender: Male
Class: Mage Shaman
Race: Tabaxi

HP: 1/1

Weapons: CudgelCeremonial Whoop-ass Stick, Pimp-Mummy Hand (+2 to hit, MUMMY ROT)/Blowgun (15 Darts)
Armour: Loincloth

Spells:  Summon Ancestral Spirits, Heal, Floating Light, Bane, Fireball

Items: Tribal Totem


Name: Corvus
Player: Myroc
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spear/Wand of Summon Pointy Implement (8 Charges)
Armour: Trenchcoat

Spells: Detect Magic, Light, Teleport, Stoneskin, Mage Hand

Items: 50ft Rope, Shaving Blade


Name: Tarmik the Magnificent
Player: greymountain_Sage
Gender: Male
Class: Mage Stage Magician

HP: 1/1

Spells: Mage hand, Magic Missile, Heal, Detect Magic, Tricks of the trade(Produces a trivial magic effect, such as summoning a rabbit from a hat.)

Items: Spell components


Name: Razdak
Player: Kadzar
Gender: Male
Class: Shaman (Mage)
Race: Awakened Mouse

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Cuteness (25 D'awww)
Armour: Head Feather, Body Paint

Spells: Create Anvil, Anchor Objects, Animate Object, Gust of Wind, Dumbfire Magic Missile

Items: Cheese

Also, you seemed to have mixed up the race and class between greymountain_Sage and myself in the list of adventurers, So that it looks like Tarmik the Magnificent turned himself into an awakened mouse wearing magicians clothes, and me into a human wearing nothing but body paint. Quite an impressive feat of prestidigitation, considering our size differences.

Welp. Fixed.

Now if only USEC_Officer would updoot this already. I want to see if Malaken succeeds with his plan to epically pimp-slap the lich. Like, I really want to see it.

Yeah where is USEC I want to see my flaming broken pole plan either fail spectacularly or get the luckiest roll ever and have it do a lot.

Damn it guys, I had to get groceries and play some actual D&D!

(Highlights include:

-Druidic Bear Calvary
-Pointless Criticals
-Goblin Rave Party
-Concubine Pile
-Shape-shifting into a hallucinating Goose
-The final, uber, fashionable, over-the-top boss tripping and killing himself.)

[Tsuchigumo550]

You know it's bad when you didn't even NOTICE that you died. Even worse when the GM dosen't either. That, or you're playing the Tomb of Horrors.

Let's just assume that this post happened last turn.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Nikita II
Player: Tsuchigumo
Gender: Female
Class: Ex-KGB Officer
Race: Kitsune

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Sawtana (Katana, with a serrated edge)
Armour: Robes with "Property of Satan" written on them- actually a cheap knockoff, pants
Items: Brimstone Torch, Venom from a HELL SPIDER

"Damn it, they fired me. They fired me IN HELL. How do you even keep an intelligence outfit RUNNING in Hell?

Well, whatever. I still know the exit, and I can still loot the armory. Too bad I'm sort of stuck in a female body again. At least they get the race right."

Attempt to snort the mace dustLook for unopened doors in the lich room, if there's one, escape from it. If not, gtfo the lich room.

[RedWarrior0]

You know it's bad when you didn't even NOTICE that you died. Even worse when the GM dosen't either. That, or you're playing the Tomb of Horrors.

Let's just assume that this post happened last turn.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Nikita II
Player: Tsuchigumo
Gender: Female
Class: Ex-KGB Officer
Race: Kitsune

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Sawtana (Katana, with a serrated edge)
Armour: Robes with "Property of Satan" written on them- actually a cheap knockoff, pants
Items: Brimstone Torch, Venom from a HELL SPIDER

"Damn it, they fired me. They fired me IN HELL. How do you even keep an intelligence outfit RUNNING in Hell?

Well, whatever. I still know the exit, and I can still loot the armory. Too bad I'm sort of stuck in a female body again. At least they get the race right."

Attempt to grab mace before the Lich inevitably does, examine the fuck out of it, then pass it on to someone else before the lich does. Hot potato!

The Lich is dead. And the mace.

[MaximumZero]

Items: You can't take healing potions with you!

Aww...

Anyway, I'll Carefully investigate my way to where the party is/was.

[Myroc]

Exit the room post-haste and join up with Kazard. Ominous rumbling generally means trouble.

[Zako]

((Hang on a sec... I think I read something about this...))

Tap my way down the corridor with my pole and check out what's at the bottom of the stairs. Don't go down those yet until I've searched for traps.

[zacen299]

Wait did I survive lighting myself on fire?

[greymountain_Sage]

Huh... I'm gonna go ahead and loot the room while my fellow cowards adventurers flee the room. First priority is magic items, for instance that trueseeing gem I dropped, then valuables, like the collar Javier had, or that Jade Coffer you mentioned.

[Vorthon]

Malaken attempts to disebelieve the rumbling!

[USEC_OFFICER]

Attempt to snort the mace dustLook for unopened doors in the lich room, if there's one, escape from it. If not, gtfo the lich room.

[18 + 5] Finding no unopened or secret door, you run the hell out of the lich room.

Anyway, I'll Carefully investigate my way to where the party is/was.

You teleport carefully investigate your way to the lich room, where most of the party is waiting around.

Exit the room post-haste and join up with Kazard. Ominous rumbling generally means trouble.

Kazard is actually further from the exit (which could be a problem once the entire dungeon collapses), but okay then. You join up with Kazard.

Exit the room post-haste and join up with Kazard. Ominous rumbling generally means trouble.

[5 + 5] Your pole-tapping finds no traps.

Huh... I'm gonna go ahead and loot the room while my fellow cowards adventurers flee the room. First priority is magic items, for instance that trueseeing gem I dropped, then valuables, like the collar Javier had, or that Jade Coffer you mentioned.

[8] You pick up the true-seeing gem, but unfortunately you can't pick up anymore loot, such as the gem-encrusted collar, the jade coffer, the gem-encrusted crown that the lich was wearing, the surprisingly valuable golden couch, the treasure map and (*gasp*) a bunch of magical scrolls.

Malaken attempts to disebelieve the rumbling!

It's pretty hard to disbelieve the rumbling when a rock hits you square on the head...

9

8

7

Spoiler: Brave Adventurers (click to show/hide)

Name: Tybar Whurthic
Player: Azthor
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter

HP: 3/3

Items: mining equipment, waterskins (water), rations, torch



Name: Midna
Player: Solifuge
Gender: Female
Class: Ranger (Fighter)
Race: Dwarf

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Brace of Handaxes, Mirror Shield
Armour: Ringmail, Saffron-Yellow Cloak, Goggles of Nothingness

Items: Bottle of Brandy, Torch, Smokesticks


Name: Tank
Player: killerhellhound
Gender:
Class: Fighter
Race: Minotaur

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Battle Axe/Throwing Axes (5 Axes)
Armour: Orkish Steal(en?) Armour, Dwarven Shield.

Items: Steak, Spare Axes (5 Axes), Rope, Torches


Name: MaxClone2
Player: MaximumZero
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter
Race: Human

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Two-Handed Sword
Armour: Heavy Armour

Items: You can't take healing potions with you!



Name: Redd T. Shir
Player: OREOSOME
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Rapier/Crossbow (30 bolts)
Armour: Leather Armour

Items: Rations for 2 weeks, torch



Name: Kazard McDermeth
Player: Zako
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Crossbow (28 bolts)
Armour: Studded Leather, +1 Ring of Protection

Items: Rope, Pouch of Chalk Sticks, Torches, Ten Foot Pole



Er... Wrong picture.


There we go.

Name: Hans
Player: Hanslanda
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Short Bow (26 arrows)
Armour: Studded Leather

Items: grappling hook with rope attached, lockpicking/assorted thievery kit, Healing Potion x 2


Name: Cairn
Player: zacen299
Gender: Male
Class: Ranger (Rouge)
Race: Human

HP: 1/2

Weapons: Dagger/Throwing Knives (10 Knives)
Armour: Leather Jerkin

Items: None.


Name: Karas Sirenna UNIT-003
Player: Kestel_6
Gender:
Class: Rouge

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Rapier/Hand Crossbow (30 Bolts)

Items: Rope


Name:  Nikita II
Player: Tsuchigumo550
Gender: Female
Class: Ex-KGB Officer (Rouge)
Race: Kitsune

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Sawtana (Katana, with a serrated edge)
Armour: Robes with "Property of Satan" written on them- actually a cheap knockoff, pants

Items: Brimstone Torch, Venom from a HELL SPIDER



Name: Gramjir
Player: Lich180
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Silver Mace/Wizards Staff (20 charges)
Armour: Silver Chainmail

Spells: Cure Wounds, Dispel Magic, Frostbolt, Ethereal Walk, Feather Fall

Items: Food/Drink for a week, torch



Name: Dr. Malpracteece
Player: Geen
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Dagger/Generic Wand of Ranged Killiness (20 charges)

Spells: Create Undead, Fire Wall, Detect Magic, Dispel Magic, Magic Missile

Items: Torch, Bottle of Oil



Name: Naj
Player: TaiwaneseRedneck
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spiked Mace/Needle Crossbow (40 needles)
Armour: Red Mage Plate

Spells: Long Light (No one thought of this?), Lightning, Cause Wounds, Detect Invisibility, Remove Invisibility

Items:  Liquid Pitchblende, Rope


Name: Malaken
Player: Vorthon
Gender: Male
Class: Mage Shaman
Race: Tabaxi

HP: 1/1

Weapons: CudgelCeremonial Whoop-ass Stick, Pimp-Mummy Hand (+2 to hit, MUMMY ROT)/Blowgun (15 Darts)
Armour: Loincloth

Spells:  Summon Ancestral Spirits, Heal, Floating Light, Bane, Fireball

Items: Tribal Totem


Name: Corvus
Player: Myroc
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spear/Wand of Summon Pointy Implement (8 Charges)
Armour: Trenchcoat

Spells: Detect Magic, Light, Teleport, Stoneskin, Mage Hand

Items: 50ft Rope, Shaving Blade


Name: Tarmik the Magnificent
Player: greymountain_Sage
Gender: Male
Class: Mage Stage Magician

HP: 1/1

Spells: Mage hand, Magic Missile, Heal, Detect Magic, Tricks of the trade(Produces a trivial magic effect, such as summoning a rabbit from a hat.)

Items: Spell components


Name: Razdak
Player: Kadzar
Gender: Male
Class: Shaman (Mage)
Race: Awakened Mouse

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Cuteness (25 D'awww)
Armour: Head Feather, Body Paint

Spells: Create Anvil, Anchor Objects, Animate Object, Gust of Wind, Dumbfire Magic Missile

Items: Cheese

You know it's bad when you didn't even NOTICE that you died. Even worse when the GM dosen't either. That, or you're playing the Tomb of Horrors.

As the GM, I assume that the players know what they're talking about most of the time... At least it's fixed now.

Wait did I survive lighting myself on fire?

Because I was feeling merciful, yes, so get back to adventuring post-haste.

[greymountain_Sage]

Why would he attempt to disbelieve, unless...
I use the Trueseeing gem! If the collapsing room is real, I run for it, careful to hold my breath in the misty hallway.
If it's not, I call the other adventurers back to this room and make politely ask them to carry my loot.

[zacen299]

Fine grab everything I can carry that is valuable and run but stop about halfway to the entrance. (I have my reasons) Also don't grab the map.

[Zako]

Deciding that enough was enough for now, Kazard books it for the exit.

[Solifuge]

Loot while the lootin's good. I'll go for that fancy crown, then the jade coffer. I'll try for the map too, if no one gets it, and throw them in my bag. Then make it toward the exit.

If things look like they'll fall before we get out, I'll toss my bag out the entryway, grab the nearest beam or strut, and support the ceiling with the strength of the mountains!