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Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248616 times)

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Eleven!
« Reply #660 on: October 18, 2012, 11:46:30 am »

I believe Iawas bought one for The grail too.
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Eleven!
« Reply #661 on: October 18, 2012, 01:59:12 pm »

Lawas donated to the development of Dwarf Fortress and asked for that as a reward.

Yes.

Ah- didn't know if it was a request or if one of the Brothers Adams liked it.

Apologies for the truth not being quite so awesome...
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Eleven!
« Reply #662 on: October 29, 2012, 07:04:08 am »

Arg. I will be doing my best to update in the next two or three days. Sorry but I can't promise any better than that right now...

Stupidly I had fifteen minutes spare earlier but spent them working out a bit more of a system for Yogic Power Melee.
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #663 on: October 31, 2012, 05:52:38 am »

TURN TWELVE!

Delay-related recap…
Somewhere in the jungle, on a different Earth and in a different Time, the four bowienauts and, for some reason, Erwin Schrödinger, are all but drowning in cats and vomit as they fight half a thousand foot tall dinofrogcat god. Their mission? To assassinate DinoHitler’s mum, and thereby save the other Earth from a nightmare of eternal Evil. Obviously.



Somewhere in the jungle…


Erwin mumbles to himself about the incompetence of vomit while stroking a white kitty, his sleeves slowly eating it up. And then shooting it at the abomination that isn't a cat!

Activate Master of Uncertainty

"Get in the box ye damned frog..."



"Bloody blazes, can't any one of you do anything right?" shouts Erwin Schrödinger, covered in god-vomit. "Damn this incompetent vomit!" He surreptitiously strokes a nice fluffy white kitten, who doesn’t seem to notice he is disappearing up Schrödinger’s sleeve.

"If you want something done right," he exclaims, pointing the aforementioned sleeve in the air towards the enormous Terry’s enormous face, "I've got to do it myself."

The kitten blasts out, smacking the thousand foot tall abomination right on the cheek but barely scratching the surface!

"Balls," mumbles Erwin, preparing himself for the inevitable counter-attack. He quickly looks about in one of his science tomes for something appropriate, realises he might not even be there, and lets a little gasp of joy escape when he sees that in fact he might be three feet to his left. Or just over there! Who knows! Not Erwin!

The bowienauts look on in surprise as three Erwin Schrödingers suddenly stop what they are doing and become all pensive.

Oh… emos Schrödinger, My boxes used to be such lovely things… That bloody Hitler…
 
Remember that my Left arm is made of water, and therefore unbreakable. Find robes, and deploy the solar laser.



Remembering that his left arm is, in fact, made of water, and therefore unbreakable, Archimedes uses the considerable power of his intellect to will his broken arm into unbrokenness. Feeling quite pleased with himself about vanquishing matter with his mind, he searches about for his clothes!

But alas! He merely manages to run as fast as he can through the cats and vomit, sprinting in a great circle around the giant angry half-god, waving his arms and his nudity for all to see!

He trips on a cat and crashes to the ground, sliding along in the rancid stomach juice and smacking his head on a nearby rock.

Wound Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Smashed Head!

Quote from: Edward the Tyrannosaurus Cat
Do honourable single combat with Terry!



Skipping out of the way of the ancient Greek sliding along in the sick beneath his feet, Edward the Tyrannosaurus Cat manages to finally process the vast quantity of cats disturbing his vision and charges into honourable single combat with the half-god ten times taller than he is!

”Rarrrwwrw!” he roars, intimidatingly!

Despite his target being ten times taller than him, Edward totally misses. He looks despondent.

Full round of HE rounds right at his HALFDINOFACE.



There’s only one thing for it: Terry the Dinogod has to go before he makes any more mess!

"Sorry, Dinogod, but it's time to go," announces Davy Crockett. "Before you make any more mess!"

Aiming at the vulnerable side of his HALFDINOFACE, Davy uses all his experience and cunning to fire off a full round of one HE round at the vicious and dripping dinofrogcat half-god!

The round goes right into the side of his fifty foot long half-nose, sticking in and exploding with a vast shower of blood and mucus!

With a great creaking sound the nose suddenly drops off!

Wound Acquired: Terry: Severed Nose!

"Well…" mutters Davy, before spitting on the ground.

Suddenly an enormous nose lands several feet away from him!

Paul McCartney did that thing he was going to do before the ten bajillion foot tall halfgod paralyzed him with fear!



"BOTHEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!" cries Paul McCartney, testing out his new battlecry. "OH DEAR!!"

He flees as hard as he can to the north west…

RUUUUUNNN!



…and is closely followed by Steve Irwin, getting to his feet as fast as he can and not even bothering to half-heartedly wipe the catsick off his bronzed naked body. He soon overtakes the running Beatle.

Quote from: The Spirit of Terry, Half-God
STOMPATRON! STOMPATRON THEM AAAAAAAALL!

”Nooooooo!” screams Terry the Half-God in a furious rage. ”Paul McCartney is getting away!”

STOMPATRONNING the ground in his anger, he STOMPATRONS Edward the Tyrannosaurus Cat into a mixture of Tyrannosaurus Cat and Tyrannosaurus Cat paste, sending hundreds of kittens flying into the air with the ground-shaking shock waves, and storms off as fast as he can towards the north west.

”McCartney!!” he shouts, raising his one arm above his half-head. ”MCCARTNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY!!”

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
All characters except for Schrödinger slowed by the catsplosion until it is culled – the cats are following you all (Schrödinger effectively has double turns).
Bowienauts have +1 maths bonus to hit (one turn).
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #664 on: October 31, 2012, 10:13:54 am »

DemiDeathTongue McCartney!

HE MUST NOT GET AWAY.
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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #665 on: October 31, 2012, 11:31:55 am »

This was it.  This dinohalfgod's rampage had to stop.  It was now or never.

"Time to die, false halfgod!"

Rocketleg jump to DINOHALFGOD and activate the Bowie Knife!
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #666 on: October 31, 2012, 11:38:32 am »

Fix Edward. Again. Also grab cloak.
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Tiruin

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #667 on: October 31, 2012, 12:17:58 pm »

My Goodness, this is a travesty to my work.

This does not matter. Quantum suicide matters.

That is not my construct. It is theirs.

Eliminate the opposing variable. Affix the integer of i.

Alpha Strike.



Catsploitate any attack that wishes to harm the other humanoids! Meaning hit Terry!

Smite Terry, if not dead, using a time-proven passage from The Second Volume of Quantum Mechanics.

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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #668 on: November 06, 2012, 07:39:30 pm »

((AUGH I forgot about this. Looks like Talarion did too?))

Paul McCartney looked in horror as Terry the Half-god came rushing after him. He felt connected to the Action Heroes of times past. Harrison Ford. William Shatner. Marcus Aurelius. But he wasn't a fighter, man! He instead imagined himself as Harrison Ford running from a large, rolling stone. One slip and that was it! The exit: DinoHITLER.

: "I need a song for this!" McCartney took out his guitar as he ran, strapping one end around his back so he play on the go. "But which one? Hmmm..."

Paul McCartney's thoughts traced back to that girl at the concert he'd gone to just before the band broke up. What was her name? Linda. Sounded right. He never met her since, but he knew if he got back to Liverpool, he'd have to meet her again. Maybe start a band with her. Maybe something more. But this guitar, his teammates and the memory of Linda were all he had.

"Don't let me down," he strummed, staring down at his instrument at Terry tore after him. Don't let me down indeed.

"Don't let me down, don't let me down
Don't let me down, don't let me down

Nobody ever hate me like he does
Oh, he does, yeah, he does
And if somebody hunt me like Terry do
Oh, he hates me, oh he do"



McCartney unstrapped his guitar from his shoulders!

"Don't let me down, don't let me down
Don't let me down, don't let me down

I'm alive for the first time
Don't know if it's gonna last
And this chase won't be forever
And this chase may be my last"



He pointed it at Terry as he ran, preparing to inundate him with PURE LOVE!

"And from the first time that he saw me
Oh, he hate me, he hate me good
I guess nobody ever should summon frogs
Oh, they scary, they scare me good

Don't let me down, hey don't let me down
Heeeeey, don't let me down"
« Last Edit: November 07, 2012, 08:23:28 am by freeformschooler »
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Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Twelve!
« Reply #669 on: November 07, 2012, 10:26:15 pm »

Turn around.

"What am I doing, running? Crikey!"

Tackle Terry, wrestle him into submission, and ride him... to face DinoHITLER's mother.
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Fate/Stay Night: OOC thread - Serious talk about the canon characters' bisexuality, gravity rape, Noble Phantasm balance, Tiruin's character level of dumbness versus naivete, how sick and tainted my mind is, linguistics and much more.

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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #670 on: November 12, 2012, 08:50:25 am »

TURN THIRTEEN!

Delay-related recap…
Somewhere in the jungle, on a different Earth and in a different Time, the four bowienauts and, for some reason, Erwin Schrödinger, are all but drowning in cats and vomit as they fight half a thousand foot tall dinofrogcat god. Their mission? To assassinate DinoHitler’s mum, and thereby save the other Earth from a nightmare of eternal Evil. Obviously.



Somewhere in the jungle…


Fix Edward. Again. Also grab cloak.



Somewhere in the jungle, there sits a philosopher. An ancient Greek philosopher. A wise and knowledgeable man. A man so learned in the ways of mathematics that he can manipulate the very fabric of reality itself. A man who has quite literally invented the art of medicine singlehandedly. A man who, after several minutes of busily bending over the pureed lower body of Edward, the brave and loyal Tyrannosaurus Cat, realises that there is nothing further he can do and, straightening up next to the bandage-wrapped dino-fiend, suddenly leaps to his feet, running around entirely naked yet again, gyrating his groin in a suggestive manner at several scandalised ferns, stepping over the cats and vomit that litter the ground, flailing his arms this way and that before, once more, tripping over a nearby furry obstacle and diving head first into a tree.

”Gngnngggngngg!” groans Archimedes to the tree.

The tree ignores him.

Wound Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Gashed Head!

Quote from: The Spirit of Terry, Half-God
DemiDeathTongue McCartney!

”MCCARTNEYYYYY!!!” screams the wrathful Terry. ”YOU WILL PAY!” he shouts, lumbering after the fleeing Beatle. Suddenly he spies the lovely liverpudlian through a gap in the jungle foliage.


”HE MUST NOT GET AWAY!” he blasts, in a suddenly strange voice.

”No!” realises Erwin Schrödinger, the nearest thing present to a demi-god expert. ”Not the voice that signals the impending release of the demi-god demi-death tongue! NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

Catsploitate any attack that wishes to harm the other humanoids! Meaning hit Terry!

Smite Terry, if not dead, using a time-proven passage from The Second Volume of Quantum Mechanics.




Before the endless tongue can finish coiling up and shoot out of Terry’s mouth, Erwin Schrödinger hurriedly aims his sleeve at the thousand foot tall monstrosity and shoots a kitten right into his eye.

But just at that second Terry blinks! The kitten bounces off his half-godly eyebrow, tumbling a thousand feet to the ground.

 ”MCCARTNEYYYYY!!!” comes a voice like thunder once more. ”TURN AND FIGHT, YOU HEATHENOUS DAMN HIPPY! TURN AND LET ME EAT YOU LIKE THE PRAWN CRACKER YOU KNOW YOURSELF TO BE!”

Paul McCartney stops. He cannot help himself. He turns. He faces Terry.

Suddenly a gigantic tongue shoots out towards him, lashing itself around a hundred foot tall tree next to the terrified Beatle and ripping it out of the ground. The ground McCartney is standing on suddenly whips into the air! Tree, ground and Beatle fly helplessly towards Terry’s enormous mouth a thousand feet up!

”My Goodness,” mumbles Schrödinger to no one in particular. ”This is a travesty to my work.

This does not matter. Quantum suicide matters.

That is not my construct. It is theirs.

Eliminate the opposing variable. Affix the integer of i. Cast down the enormo-deathtongue.

Alpha Strike. Time… TIME FOR PHYSICS.”


With McCartney nearly five hundred feet up in the air, flying towards Terry’s terrible mouth, Erwin starts searching about his layers of clothing.

He pulls out a book.

”The… Blimey. This one looks suitably complicated,” decides the black belt quantum physicist, hefting the book in his hand. He wangs it straight into the air.

Quantum Mechanics, Vol. II smashes Terry right in the mouth! Blood streams forth! It is, even from the ground far below, very clearly fractured!

Wound Acquired: Terry: Fractured Mouth!

Quote from: Edward the Tyrannosaurus Cat
Do more honourable single combat with Terry!



Many feet below, Edward the Tyrannosaurus Cat sees his ally Paul McCartney fly upwards towards his doom, and acts in desperation. He bites Terry on the knee!

Terry collapses to the ground in pain, his knee entirely severed!

McCartney continues to fly upwards towards his doom!

Wound Acquired: Terry: Severed Knee!

Rocketleg jump to DINOHALFGOD and activate the Bowie Knife!



Sprinting after the half-god chasing down his floppy-haired English friend, Davy Crockett has had enough!

This was it. This dinohalfgod's rampage had to stop. It was now or never.

"Time to die, false halfgod!" he screams, just as Terry falls to his one knee. Crockett blasts into the air, powered by the roaring rocketness of his rocket-powered Segway-leg and with his broken right arm dangling limply by his side. He has just enough time to think that this is ridiculous before finding himself level with where he imagines Terry’s heart must be. He reaches for his trusty bowie knife. His beloved bowie knife. The bowie knife that he used to fight his way out of the Alamo and into this dismal future.

Davy Crockett grimaces through the pain.

He grips his bowie knife.

Sorry, Judith, he mumbles, seemingly to no one. I’m gonna have to let you go, girl…

Davy Crockett thrusts his bowie knife into Terry’s chest! Terry roars in agony!

He seems to have fractured the false halfgod’s heart!

Could Terry stumble any further onto his severed knee, ‘tis sure that the fiendish dinofrogcat would. He is most grievously wounded!

Wound Acquired: Terry: Fractured Heart!

McCartney took out his guitar as he ran, strapping one end around his back so he play on the go.
He pointed it at Terry as he ran, preparing to inundate him with PURE LOVE!



Paul McCartney looks in horror as Terry the Half-god’s mouth comes rushing towards him. He feels his deep and undisputable connection to the Action Heroes of times past. Harrison Ford. William Shatner. Marcus Aurelius. But he’s not a fighter, man! He instead is suddenly visited by a vision. A vision of himself as Harrison Ford running from a large, rolling stone. One slip and that was it! The exit: DinoHITLER.

"I need a song for this!" McCartney takes out his guitar as he rises on the mound of earth and tree, strapping one end around his back so he play on the go. "But which one? Hmmm..."

Paul McCartney's thoughts trace back to that girl at the concert he'd gone to just before the band broke up. What was her name? Linda. Sounded right. He never met her since, but he knew if he got back to Liverpool, the old Liverpool, the free Liverpool, he'd have to meet her again. Maybe start a band with her. Maybe something more. A range of vegetarian pies perhaps. But not now. This guitar, his teammates and the shining memory of Linda are all he has!

"Don't let me down," he strums, staring down at his guitar as Terry’s fractured and bleeding mouth bears down on him. Don't let me down indeed, man.

"Don't let me down, don't let me down
Don't let me down, don't let me down

Nobody ever hate me like he does
Oh, he does, yeah, he does
And if somebody hunt me like Terry do
Oh, he hates me, oh he do"


Suddenly McCartney unstraps his guitar from his shoulders! From somewhere drums seem to play!

"Don't let me down, don't let me down
Don't let me down, don't let me down

I'm alive for the first time
Don't know if it's gonna last
And this chase won't be forever
And this chase may be my last"



He points it at Terry as he flies helplessly towards the vast dinofrogcat’s mouth, preparing to inundate him with PURE LOVE!

"And from the first time that he saw me
Oh, he hate me, he hate me good
I guess nobody ever should summon frogs
Oh, they scary, they scare me good

Don't let me down, hey don't let me down
Heeeeey, don't let me down"


Suddenly horns and bass and harmonious backing vocals appear out of the sky as if the music of a thousand angels, and a beam of PURE LOVE shoots out the end of McCartney’s treasured instrument!

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” sobs Terry through his shattered teeth, blood and spit raining down on McCartney like the most hideous monsoon. ”I CAN’T DO IT! I CAN’T KILL WHEN THERE IS SUCH LOVE IN THE WORLD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh Paul! I love you, man!”

Suddenly Terry’s tongue falls limp.

The wad of earth and tree and McCartney falls hundreds of feet to the ground with a crash. McCartney seems unscathed, and walks away from the sobbing and battered halfgod.

Just then Steve Irwin dashes past him.

”CRIKEY MATE!!!!”

Turn around.

Tackle Terry, wrestle him into submission, and ride him... to face DinoHITLER's mother.




"What am I doing, running? Crikey! There ain’t no reptile that I can’t wrestle! Specially not when he’s sobbing and battered! Don’t worry Paul, I’m gonna save you, fella!” shouts Steve Irwin, running past the already saved Paul, sprinting up Terry’s horrible wet and endlessly long limp tongue, jumping onto his face and punching the thousand foot tall beast to the ground.

"Think you’re a feisty fella, do you matey? Eh?” says Stevo, grabbing hold of as much of Terry’s neck as he can. "Well I’m gonna knock the feisty right out of ya, ya bleeding bastard! Crikey mate!”

Steve Irwin wrestles the thousand foot tall demigod into submission!

He climbs onto its head!

He kicks it in the ear until it does his bidding!

"Come on matey! There you go eh! Thattaway boy, quick sharp!”

Steve Irwin rides Terry the Thousand Foot Tall Dinofrogcat Halfgod towards the north west! He soon reaches a tremendous speed!



His friends trailing dozens of feet behind him, Steve Irwin finds himself alone atop the subdued Terry, suddenly amidst a strange visual cacophony of portacabins and foreboding box-like objects.

Crikey mate, he realises to himself, This must be that bloody European fella’s secret base! The one where… The one where dinoHITLER’s mum is held?

Terry stops abruptly, falling to his severed knee and in need of rest. Stevo pats him affectionately on the head.

”There there… It’s almost over, mate… We’re here. We just gotta find…”

Stevo’s interrupted by a trembling shake of the ground. He looks about hi-

”My God.”

”Stevo?”

”Hugh?” Steve Irwin stares in disbelief. ”I never thought I’d see you again. I thought you’d left for ever, mate. Crikey. YOU’RE dinoHITLER’s mum?”

”I… er… the um… er… It’s a long story, Stevo. It’s a long story. What are you here for, Stevo?”

”I’m… I’m here for you, Hugh.”

”You… You want to be friends again? After all you did?!”

”I… No Hugh. I have to take you down. DinoHITLER cannot be born, mate. I don’t care what might have been between us, for the world to live you have to die.”

”Crikey mate.”

”Don’t Hugh. It’s not the time.”

”I know Stevo. Sorry. But you’re too late, Stevo. DinoHITLER is already born. Hitler and I… we…er… the um… er… It’s a long story, you know. These damn boxes. One thing followed another. First I became DinoHITLER’s mum. Then I…er… we met Hitler. It was all these boxes. These damn boxes. Are you in there? Who knows? Are YOU in there? Or are you and a dinosaur chieftess in there? Are you in there? Or are you DinoHITLER’s mum? And then…”

”Crikey mate. God, I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be, Stevo. I’m happy now. I’ve found myself. I have a son. And you’ve come to take him away. I’m sorry it has to be this way, Stevo, but he has to live. You have to die. Oh right, I see,” says DinoHITLER’s mum, looking over Steve Irwin’s shoulder. ”You have new friends now. Oh. And the box-man.”

Stevo turns round to see Paul, Davy, Archimedes and three Erwins run up, Edward trailing some distance behind.

They look up as one.

”My God.”


DinoHITLER’s mum stares each of them in the eye, one by one. She turns briefly round.

”RUN, DINOHITLER! RUN! SAVE YOURSELF! FLEE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! MUMMY’S HERE!”

There’s the sound of bustling activity somewhere behind her.

”YOU SHALL NOT PASS, STEVO. NOT YOU. NOT YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR STORY ENDS HERE.”

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
Terry has a -2 emotional penalty.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: November 12, 2012, 04:04:58 pm by lawastooshort »
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #671 on: November 12, 2012, 09:09:02 am »

((I cannot stop laughing. Action later.))
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #672 on: November 12, 2012, 10:46:17 am »

Terry uses whatever strength his little arms and might legs can muster to get up off the ground and get Irwin off his bloody head, and DOUBLE TEAM FROGINATOR AND STOMPATRON towards Davy Crockett! And Schrödinger! And, well, pretty much all of them.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2012, 10:48:56 am by Greenstarfanatic »
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #673 on: November 12, 2012, 10:47:19 am »

He can try, but remember Steve Irwin is still riding him on his head.
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #674 on: November 12, 2012, 10:49:07 am »

Edited.
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