Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 ... 45 46 [47] 48 49 ... 60

Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248617 times)

Tiruin

  • Bay Watcher
  • Life is too short for worries
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fourteen!
« Reply #690 on: December 03, 2012, 05:24:00 am »

"I missed!" Erwin said as he reloaded another kitty into his sleeve.

He squinted to correct his vision as he surveyed the manlings. They seemed to be against Hugh, for some reason. He couldn't blame them, that was one dashing fellow...

But back to the matter, why were they doing that?

"You, calculate the blood pressure at the carotid artery. You, go distract anyone wanting to hit me. Me, let's finish this..." the scientist said to his clones...

"Attack, my pretties, attack!"

Use {Master of Cats}

> Heal Davy Crockett!
> Fire Catsploitator at Hugh!
Logged

freeformschooler

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fourteen!
« Reply #691 on: December 07, 2012, 09:27:02 pm »

((HOW DID I NOT POST))

"Oh, bugger," Paul McCartney mutters. "My eye! I do hope I don't have to replace that with a speedo too. Er, right, Hugh Grant."

Paul McCartney, bruised and bloodied, walks slowly out of the thorny bushes. He stumbles up in front of dinoHITLER's mum, and upon seeing the battle going on around him, gains a sudden epiphany.

"Come on, now, boys. Is this really what we're going to do now? We got a who knows how many foot tall halfdinofrogcat chasin' us, and an enormous dinomom tragically fused with Hugh Grant, a fellow floppy hair enthusiast! I think I hit an epiphany just now about what we're doin', and you all oughtta hear me out. You too, Hugh."

Paul McCartney wields his clayboard, lifts it high in the air... and drops it to his feet.

"You tell me: what are we? Well, we're Bowienauts, jumpin' through time and fixin' the timeline. But more importantly, we're fighting violent, terrible critters like the Chairman and Speedostalin. We solved all our problems up to now by chopping off their heads and hoping for the best, hm? And whadda we do when we find a new problem like this? We're conditioned. Conditioned to start hitting it with beams and blades and guns and arms in faces."

He holds his guitar around his chest and strums strumming.

"I ain't sure that's right. At the very core, we're just one of many groups, fighting for their place in time and space. Others like the commies and the socialists enslave their populations and take over through violence. Is that really what we wanna do to poor ol' Hugh Grant? Because now I'm not so sure. The way I see it, either I die here or go back to my hometown eventually and try to carry on the Beatles legacy without Lennon. No matter what happens, I don't wanna be known as the guy who lost his heart to senseless war. I'm a peace loving hippie, feck it all."

He hums the start of a tune, then looks up at Hugh Grant!

"And ol' Hugh, you sure you wanna fight us? Is that even worth it? I mean, we could help you. We could get you quantum disconnected and back to England where you belong. I've got a feeling. I've got a feeling that death isn't the only way this could end."

I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside
 Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's right
 I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide
 No no no, oh no, oh no
 Yeah yeah I've got a feeling yeah

"I don't know about you guys, but I ain't fighting anymore. Do what you need, but I'm just going to stand right her and play my guitar."
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #692 on: December 13, 2012, 11:39:41 am »

TURN FIFTEEN!

Delay-related recap…
Somewhere in the jungle, on a different Earth and in a different Time and nearly a month ago, Archimedes of Syracuse, Archimedes of Syracuse (or did he just bump his head?), Davy Crockett, Paul McCartney, Steve Irwin and, for some reason, three two Erwin Schrödingers, are outside Schrödinger’s box filled lair, facing off with Hugh Grant, partially DinoHitler’s mum. Their mission? To assassinate Hugh Grant, and thereby save the other Earth from DinoHitler’s evil reign! There are also some frogs.



Somewhere in the jungle…


The megafrog is confused. One minute he was tearing at Davy Crockett’s guts. The next minute Davy Crockett’s face was flying off. And then both Crockett and Crockett’s face disappeared in a whirling tornado of smoke. And the minute before that he didn’t even exist.

He sat and croaks to himself for a few seconds. It usually helps him think.

…   …   …   …   …   …

Davy Crockett is confused, staggering from the nearly-knock-out face-severing blow of Schrödinger’s cat. Hiding in the smoke billowing up from his feet he is safe from further attack, but what about his blood? It’s escaping at tremendous speed, spewing forth from his face and his arm. Medicine isn’t his thing – it’s not really manly enough to cure severed arms, it’s far more practical to turn his wounds against his enemy in some probably repulsive manner – but even he can guess that he’s close to passing out like some kind of… some kind of foppish East coaster? Northerner? European? Non-Texas-lover? Who knows. He needs a plan. Fast.

Mediarm sprinkler*2 + heal self. Also, double power of maths.



Archimedes is confused. Or possibly Archimedes is confused. He’s not sure. These are dire times, thinks the famous mathematician. Some of his friends are dying, and Archimedes can do nothing but watch. Twice. Probably. Not that he is able to see anything, with all the smoke and blood and frogs and such. He needs a plan. Fast.

Luckily he has one!

”Hey, Archimedes, you take that side!”

”Ok, Archimedes! And you take that side!”

”Ok! Prepare arm for firing!”

”Arm prepared!”

”Ready? Aim at the smoke, I think Crockett’s in there somewhere! This is totally guaranteed to save him! Fire!”

There’s a bit of a whooshing sound.

”Ooh. Hmm. This feels interesting. Gosh.”

As one of the Archimedes aims and fires his water/bandage elemental armcannon at where he imagines Davy Crockett to be, so does the other time travelling (or merely fictional and head injury-related, who knows?) Greek.

One blast of water sucks inwards.

And the other sucks outwards.

And suddenly they join!

A towering column of wet bandages shoots right up into the jungle sky. Suddenly the water disappears with a tremendous bang, showering bandages over many square kilometres of jungle! The bandages float gently down to the ground, catching here and there decoratively on the jungle canopy like a mad doctor’s Christmas.

The smoke enveloping Davy Crockett seems to have disappeared. Instead, he is now hidden in shadow.

Giant crotch-shadow.

The giant crotch-shadow of MEGAMEDES, DRESS WEARING WATER ELEMENTAL OF SYRACUSE!


”Crikey, mate!”

The sudden change seems to have caused Archimedes and Archimedes, now become one great big Megamedes, to totally forget about all that other healing stuff he/they wanted to do.

Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Tackle Hugh!



”Crikey mate!” crikies Steve Irwin, nonchalantly smacking his giant frog into the ground with his manly fists. ”Well, that’s the power of maths, eh?! Crikey! Now behold the terrifying power of the Flying Emu!”

Not even stopping to take a run up, Stevo launches himself directly at Hugh Grant’s jaws, hoping to clamp them shut and disable the hideous Englishman!

Alas! Steve Irwin flies straight into Hugh Grant’s face, piercing the skin and tearing the muscle and penetrating the bone! He looks totally stuck in Hugh Grant’s face, mate!

”Crikey mates!” comes a muffled cry. ”Help me out there, will you? I think I’m bloody well stuck!”

There’s a few brief seconds of indistinct grunting.

”Oh well, I may as well try to tackle the feisty bugger whilst I’m in here,” yells the intrepid professional Aussie. Wriggling around inside Hugh Grant’s face, Stevo manages to completely split the face into two! On one side of the neck there is suddenly the head of Hugh Grant, and on the other, the head of DinoHitler’s original mum!

Steve Irwin falls down the crevice between the two separated heads.

He totally slices the terrible beast in two as he falls towards the ground! Suddenly, through the power of quantum physics and Australia, not one but two beings stand before the astonished bowienauts.

On the left, Hugh Grant, Master of Floppy Hair!

On the right, DinoHitler’s mum, Mother of the Most Evil Fiend the Universes Have Ever Known!

Stevo is lost for words as Hugh Grant runs towards him, arms outstretched and upper lip quivering.

”Stevo, you bastard! For once I was happy! For once I felt like I had found my place! I er… the… um… I say…”

Suddenly a cat smacks Hugh right in the face, knocking him sprawling to the ground!

Use {Master of Cats}

> Heal Davy Crockett!
> Fire Catsploitator at Hugh!




"I missed!" says Erwin, as he reloads another kitty into his sleeve and takes aim. "Pow! Yeah! Take that, Hugh Grant, you floppy-haired devil!"

Hugh Grant falls to the floor before he can violently assault the semi-naked Australian.

"Right. So. Um. What was I doing? Oh yes! Cats! Oh, but first! You, calculate the blood pressure at the carotid artery. You, go distract anyone wanting to hit me. Me, let's finish this... Wait… are there three of me? Or two? Or… um…"

Erwin Schrödinger looks distractedly about him; he looks up at the sky and down at his feet. He looks at the newly separated Hugh Grant and DinoHitler’s mum.

"Hmm. Very interesting. Right. Cats. Here, kitty kitty kitty! Attack, my pretties, attack! Here, kitty kitty kitty!!"

Suddenly Erwin Schrödinger summons the cats. All of them! Cats fly towards him from every direction: quantum cats, possibly real cats, interdimensional cats – all the cats! Small cats. Fat cats. Black and white cats.

"Oh bother.”

There’s a strange inwards sucking of noise and cat as the flying vortex of cat creates a miniature black hole and then –

"Miaow.”

In Erwin Schrödinger’s place there is suddenly a superdense quantum cat!

"Miaow!”

He ambles over to Davy Crockett and rubs himself against the terribly wounded man’s leg.

"Miaow!”

"Say! Are you… Are you Erwin Schrödinger? Or… his cat? ”

"Miaow!”

Paul McCartney wields his clayboard, lifts it high in the air... and drops it to his feet.

He holds his guitar around his chest and strums strumming.

He hums the start of a tune, then looks up at Hugh Grant!



"Oh, bugger," Paul McCartney mutters, in his cheery Liverpool accent. "My eye! I do hope I don't have to replace that with a speedo too. Although it does sound like a cracking idea and one that is very much likely to come to pass. Er, right, Hugh Grant. Is he still dinoHitler’s mum? He certainly doesn’t seem too pleased with our Steve."

Paul McCartney, bruised and bloodied, walks slowly out of the thorny bushes. He stumbles up in front of the suddenly separated Hugh and dinoHITLER's mum, and upon seeing the battle going on around him, gains a sudden epiphany. He plants his feet apart and addresses the confusing melee.

"Come on, now, boys. Is this really what we're going to do now? We got a who knows how many foot tall halfdinofrogcat chasin' us, and an enormous dinomomma tragically defused from Hugh Grant, a fellow floppy hair enthusiast! I think I hit an epiphany just now about what we're doin', and you all oughtta hear me out. You too, Hugh."

Paul McCartney wields his clayboard, lifts it high in the air... and drops it to his feet. The resounding clang puts a stop to the sound of battle probably still going on all around him. Everyone turns and stares.

"You tell me: what are we? Well, we're Bowienauts, jumpin' through time and fixin' the timeline. But more importantly, we're fighting violent, terrible critters like the Chairman and Speedostalin. We solved all our problems up to now by chopping off their heads and hoping for the best, hmm? And whadda we do when we find a new problem like this? We're conditioned. Conditioned to start hitting it with beams and blades and guns and arms in faces."

He holds his guitar around his chest and strums strumming.

"I ain't sure that's right. At the very core, we're just one of many groups, fighting for their place in time and space. Others like the commies and the socialists enslave their populations and take over through violence. Is that really what we wanna do to poor ol' Hugh Grant? Because now I'm not so sure. The way I see it, either I die here or go back to my hometown eventually and try to carry on the Beatles legacy without Lennon. No matter what happens, I don't wanna be known as the guy who lost his heart to senseless war. I'm a peace loving hippie, feck it all."

He hums the start of a tune, then looks up at Hugh Grant!

"And ol' Hugh, you sure you wanna fight us? Is that even worth it? I mean, we could help you. You’ve been quantum disconnected by Stevo and now we could get you back to England where you belong. I've got a feeling. I've got a feeling that death isn't the only way this could end."

I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's right
I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide
No no no, oh no, oh no
Yeah yeah I've got a feeling yeah

"I don't know about you guys, but I ain't fighting anymore. Do what you need, but I'm just going to stand right here and play my guitar."

Paul McCartney successfully plays his guitar!

”I say, Paul,” says Hugh, suddenly, his voice breaking a little with the emotion of the moment. ”You’re totally right, old chap. There I was, all taken over by my maternal instincts but, you know, we don’t need to fight! I don’t even know if I’m still DinoHitler’s mum anymore!”

”Hugh!” says DinoHitler’s mum. ”You can try all you want, but you can’t deny the truth, Hugh! You can try to forget, but you can’t erase the past! You know what we had! You know the happiness we shared in that box! You know how warm and lovely it was to be fused together as one! You’re a parent now, Hugh! DinoHitler’s part of you! And you’re part of him, Hugh Grant! We’re both a part of DinoHitler!”

Hugh Grant drops to his knees.

”Noooooooooooooooooo!”

He sobs, covering his hands with his face.

”WHAT HAVE I DONEEEEEEEEE?!”

Fire the White Speedo at Hugh!



And just like that Davy Crockett is no longer confused. He’s hit by the bright white light of clarity. The artefact from Stalingrad! The bright white Speedo of Lumithos that he’s worn faithfully since that fateful day in the filth-ridden ruins of communism’s dream! It could help. It must help.

He wonders how to work it.

He realises he knows, deep down and instinctively.

He wonders how to pull his trousers down with no arms.

He realises he doesn’t need to. Some deep and inner part of him knows he doesn’t need to reveal it.

It can reveal itself.

It is the white Speedo of Lumithos.

He just needs to get to his feet.

He just needs to find the strength…

He just needs to ignore the pain, and the bleeding, and the frogs… just long enough… just long enough to activate the Holy White Speedo of Lumithos…

Suddenly Davy Crockett straightens up on both feet. He thrusts his crotch directly at Hugh Grant with all his might!

His trousers disintegrate with the sheer holy force of Lumithos!

His groin begins to glow!

Soon nothing is visible to the naked eye for miles around except the atomic glow of Davy Crockett’s Holy Speedo-clad Lumi-crotch!

It fires!

A beam of Lumi-joy shoots forth, smacking Hugh Grant to the ground, and a crack in the heavens seems to open apart, from whence speaks the seeming voice of a mighty god!

”HUGH GRANT! BE HAPPY! FOR THE BOWIENAUTS HAVE SAVED YOU FROM A LIFE OF DINO-HELL! YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE FIT IN! YOU WOULD ALWAYS HAVE YEARNED FOR THE CHIC AND LEAFY PARTS OF LONDON! YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER AGAIN SEEN THE GREEN AND ROLLNG HILLS OF LOVELY ENGLAND! YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN DRIZZLED UPON BY INCESSANT RAIN FOR DAYS ON END UNTIL YOUR DYING BREATH! HUGH! I, LUMITHOS, SPEAK THUS! BE HAPPY!”

Davy Crockett sinks to his knees with the blood loss and blinding light.

”CROCKETT! I AM NOT FINISHED! LISTEN UP! STOP BLOODY BLEEDING! YOUR TIME HAS NOT YET COME! YOU ARE DAVY CROCKETT! KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER! YOU CANNOT DIE FROM MERE BLOOD LOSS! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF FOPPISH EAST COASTER? NORTHERNER? EUROPEAN? NON-TEXAS-LOVER? CRIKEY, MATE! NO! HERE, LET YON WOUNDS BE HEALED BY THE MIGHTY HOLY POWER OF THE HOLY SPEEDO OF LUMITHOS! AND NOW! ARISE, SIR DAVY CROCKETT OF LUMITHOS, HORROR-KNIGHT OF THE WILD FRONTIER! ARISE AND STOP BLOODY DYING!”

”Er… Ok then!”

Davy Crockett, newly knighted Horror-Knight of the Wild Frontier, Chevalier of Lumithos, Wielder of the Blinding Crotch, gets to his feet. He feels remarkably well.

He looks down to his severed arm.

It’s stopped bleeding!

He tries to look at his severed face.

It’s a bit tricky to look at his severed face, but he can at least feel it’s stopped bleeding!

Quote from: Hugh Grant
The… er… um… I…



”Wow! Gosh! I say. You know, that god thing there was right! Paul, you were right! I should be happy! No longer fused with my beloved dinosaur, I can finally leave her and return to my blessed native England! I can revel in the drizzle! Lounge in the luscious damp greenery! Drink proper beer!”

Hugh seems momentarily lost in silent and joyous reverie.

”Oh wait. I say, chaps. I think DinoHitler’s got away! Bugger!”

”Oh, crikey mates!”

”Hahahahahahah!” laughs DinoHitler’s mum ”Hahahahahahah!”

There’s a fizzle and a buzz and a short burst of static before David Bowie comes online in the bowienaut’s bowie-earpieces.

”Um. Dudes. There’s just been a transinterdimensional jump. DinoHitler has escaped. My evilometer is overloading! We’ve got to get you out of there! Bring Hugh and Schrödinger’s cat with you! Get to the TVC15 that’s deploying half a click to your south!”

”No!” cries DinoHitler’s mum ”I can’t let you go! I can’t let you destroy DinoHitler! My son!!”

”No!” cries Archi Megamedes, punching his watery fist through DinoHitler’s mum’s face. ”I can’t let you stop us! I’ve had enough of this DinoBollocks! It’s time to put an end to DinoHitler once and for all! Let’s go, men!”


A few minutes later…


”Right chaps!” says the Magnificent Timelord, in the warm safety of the Orbital Space BowiePod. ”I’m glad you’re safe. Shame DinoHitler got away, but it was always a risk. Unfortunately defeating DinoHitler with time-shenanigans didn’t work, so there’s only one thing for it.”

”No!”

”Yes. I’m afraid so, men! You’re going to have to storm DinoHitler’s DinoNest in person. But the evilometer is getting dangerously high readings! You’re gonna have to go fast.”

”Well, what are we waiting for! DinoHitler + (Archimedes*2) = (Archimedes*2)!”

”Not so fast, Megamedes, dude!” says Bowie. ”The DinoNest is the most dangerous place on Earth! Even though with every passing second DinoHitler gets stronger, I can’t risk sending you in in your current state! You must all let my medics see to you. You must all level up. And you must give me time to start summoning further bowienauts for replacements reinforcements for when you die in case you need them.”

”Crikey mate!”

”Exactly Stevo. Exactly. Now, let’s head to the medical bay. Please tell the medics exactly what you want healing – and be precise, we’re only gonna have time for one shot at this. Any uh… enhancements you want to keep, or any full body transformations you want undone, please be very clear. My medics can get a bit carried away at times.”

The Timelord and the bowienauts head over to the medical bay to get patched up before the final showdown.

”And oh!” adds David Bowie, handing each of you a brown envelope. ”Here, take these – make sure you choose a new level up before you go! I don’t know if it’ll help, but you can probably expect to find a lot of DinoNazis and cunning traps down there, but so far our scientists haven’t been very exact on the intel. Sorry. All we know for sure is that so far no one who’s gone in has come out. Except in, you know, squishy bits.”

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
None.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Hugh Grant (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
Logged

Toaster

  • Bay Watcher
  • Appliance
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #693 on: December 13, 2012, 12:36:51 pm »

Oi!  What about Boone?
Logged
HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

10ebbor10

  • Bay Watcher
  • DON'T PANIC
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #694 on: December 13, 2012, 12:59:47 pm »

I'd like to get rid of my stone leg. And get a more functional replacement.

Though this megamedes thingy does pose the problem. How can Archie go back to help himself if he doesn' exist anymore? Let's hope the universe doesn't notice that one.
Logged

freeformschooler

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #695 on: December 13, 2012, 02:42:06 pm »

Oh man. MISSION FAILED: DINOHITLER'S MUM. Luckily we get to take part in the BONUS MISSION: DINOHITLER'S NEST!

I guess we'll be seeing the level ups in PM?
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #696 on: December 13, 2012, 02:54:17 pm »

I might post them here, just haven't had time yet...
Logged

freeformschooler

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts and DinoHitler's Mum. Turn Fifteen!
« Reply #697 on: December 13, 2012, 02:57:12 pm »

Positively excellent turn, though. Will say that.
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #698 on: December 14, 2012, 09:41:44 am »

As the bowienauts walk down the corridor to the medbay, they open their brown envelopes…

Stevo takes out the neatly written letter within, and suddenly remembers some of his secret crocodile mastery techniques from back in the bush!



Davy walks along, reading his manuscript, and the special words help him recall his time spent talking to the god Lumithos!


Paul McCartney reads the lyrics contained in his envelope, and suddenly remembers his musical dreams from before!


Megamedes tries to gently open his envelope, but his hands are made of water! He soaks the fragile paper and accidentally tears it into tiny wet bits and then, totally enraged and not paying attention, walks into a pole! It’s a very sharp pole which splits his watery body into two, and suddenly there is no longer Megamedes, but Archimedes once more! And also Archimedes once more!

”Oh yeah,” shouts the Magnificent Timelord over his shoulder, ”Look out for my specially sharpened interdimensional bowiepole, dude!”


edit: misspelled a couple.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2012, 10:02:52 am by lawastooshort »
Logged

Toaster

  • Bay Watcher
  • Appliance
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #699 on: December 14, 2012, 10:14:15 am »

Arrr.  I really want Butter His Head, but Knight of Lumithos looks to make me damn near invincible...


Choices, choices!  Can vomit substitute for butter?


Also, Terror Knight is a pretty awesome title.
Logged
HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #700 on: December 14, 2012, 10:23:38 am »

Vomit is probably quite a good lubricant, yes. And don't forget you can also swap out a skill.
Logged

freeformschooler

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #701 on: December 14, 2012, 11:22:34 am »

Paul looked down at the piece of paper. "Aw, Bowie, you didn't have to! What a Christmas present! I've been longing to see ol' Ringo and George for so long now, even if I do have to cause a tiny paradox to play a lil' with them."

Choose BRING OUT THE BAND!

"Oh, right: medics! I want to keep these Speedoguts. Fix my eyes though!"
« Last Edit: December 14, 2012, 01:43:33 pm by freeformschooler »
Logged

monk12

  • Bay Watcher
  • Sorry, I AM a coyote
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #702 on: December 14, 2012, 12:35:37 pm »

I'm really hoping Talarion Does The Owl.

Toaster

  • Bay Watcher
  • Appliance
    • View Profile
Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Prelude to the DinoNest: Level Ups!
« Reply #703 on: December 14, 2012, 01:40:54 pm »

I could swap, yes, but all my original skills are too awesome!

Gonna have to go with Butter His Head.  The White Speedo already makes me hard to kill enough, I think.

And Medics:  Fix the severed right arm, the severed right leg (keeping it Boone-compatible, of course), and fix my face.  You know, the severed bit.  Not the abomination bit.  I like the abomination bit.  Hell, if you could make it more abominable in the process of fixing it, that'd be just stellar.
Logged
HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
The Magnificent Timelord: Assault on the DinoNest: Prologue!
« Reply #704 on: December 19, 2012, 08:20:08 am »

THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: PROLOGUE


The Bowiepod Medical Bay, Space


Paul looks down at the piece of paper as he draws it out of his brown envelope. He gasps with joy as he remembers his old bandmates! "Aw, Bowie, you didn't have to! What a Christmas present! I've been longing to see ol' Ringo and George for so long now, even if I do have to cause a tiny paradox to play a lil' with them!"

He walks along, guided by a bowiesurgeon, repeating the names of his old friends under his breath like a holy mantra. Suddenly a nurse jabs him in the face with a needle and he passes out.


The Bowiepod Bowieshrine, Space


Davy Crockett kneels a little gingerly on his newly attached right leg, mumbling under his breath as he prays to the god Lumithos, god of Healing and Friend-based Joy. The dark blue light of the Bowieshrine sparkles off the giant sequin before him and holograms of stars twinkle in the simulated heavens above him.

”Dear Lumithos,” he whispers, reverently, ”Granter of the Holy Speedo, Lover of the Hideous, God of Light and Friendship, please hear me…”

He pauses for a second, suddenly seeming to feel the pain of an arm that the doctors said could never be replaced. His sadness is swiftly erased by thinking of the joy the new addition to his face brings him every time he sees it.

And retching. Joy and uncontrollable retching.

”Dear Lumithos,” he starts again, ”I have been separated from my dearest friend. A friend to whom I was literally connected. A friend I had to leave behind, on a planet infested with the most hideous of dinosaurs. A friend I coldly sacrificed for the good of the universe. Please, Lumithos, bring him back to me! Please, I swear on my face that I will serve you as a Terror Knight of Lumithos for the rest of my days if you can make this so!”

Crockett remembers the warm feeling of joy that spread through him when he thrust forth his crotch and fired the Holy Speedo of Lumithos at Hugh Grant, bringing good health and order back to his small corner of the universe.

”Please Lumithos, Boone was the brother I never had! I am incomplete without him!”

Suddenly the giant sequin bursts apart! A voice breaks the simulated heavens asunder!

”Davy Crockett!” speaks the voice. ”Davy! I have heard your prayers, and I judge them to come from a pure hearted and noble Knight of Lumithos! I SHALL GRANT YOU THINE WISH! ARISE, DAVY CROCKETT, TERROR KNIGHT OF LUMITHOS! ARISE, AND REALISE MY NOT INCONSEQUENTIAL POWERS!”

Davy Crockett arises, and immediately falls over flat on his face.

”SORRY ABOUT THAT. I CAN’T BLOODY WELL ATTACH A CROCODILE’S HEAD TO YOUR FOOT IF YOU’RE STANDING ON IT, CAN I.”

”But… I… attach? Boone?!”

”INDEED.”

Davy Crockett looks down to his foot.

Boone looks back up at Davy Crockett.

He retches with furious and joyful force, showering the Bowieshrine with an ocean of vomit, and spraying Davy in the face with gallons of rancid crocodile digestive juice!

Crockett weeps with happiness, bending down to touch Boone on the nose as if to check he is real, and is rewarded by a miracle! Boone doth speak!

”Jesus Christ, Davy! Get that thing away from me! WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO YOUR FACE?!”

”Oh, that.” says Crockett nonchalantly, trying to hide his considerable pride. He bends down to look at a piece of the shattered giant sequin and gazes deeply and lovingly into it. ”A cat kind of severed my face a bit back on DinoPlanet, and, you know, the doctors did their best... I had this problem with an arm, too, so they stuck that in there as well… I still haven’t thanked Paul for that, actually…”

Crockett realises what he’s staring at.

He vomits profusely over the piece of sequin and both his feet.

”They did say, though, that I should probably keep it bandaged up at all times...”


The Bowiepod Medical Bay, Space


”So… Archimedes… and Archimedes…”

The doctor looks from one bed to the next and then back to his charts. He’s seen this kind of thing before.

”You both feeling fine? A detransformation can be a tricky thing, but all the readings on here seem pretty much optimal. I think we can discharge you right away. I’ll get Nurse Jenkins here just to talk you through your new leg.”

Nurse Jenkins steps up and clears his throat.

”Ahem. Well, basically… We removed the stone legs. We thought they were a little too… useless for a bowienaut of your standing. Sorry, no pun intended hahaha. We’ve replaced them with something a little more functional. I’m quite proud of them actually, my own design. Basically I took some old normal legs we didn’t need anymore, and I… erm… covered them in your mirrors! All you have to do is hoist up your dress, expose your legs to the sun, and voila! Portable and superquick charging solar death ray! David Bowie loved them, very sequiny, he said. Anyway. Take a look whenever you want, I’m sure you’ll get used to them pretty quick. They work just like your old non-stone legs did… Just with a solar death ray now coming out your groin when you point them at the sun… Bye!”


The Bowiepod Changing Cubicle, Space


Elsewhere on the ship, Steve Irwin is trying on a pair of shorts. He lost his trademark khaki shorts on DinoPlanet, and the Magnificent Timelord, distraught at having indirectly led to this terrible tragedy, has been trying his best to make up for things.

Stevo looks himself up and down in the mirror.

”Crikey mate. Whatever would they say back home? That’s amazing!”

Bowie himself is waiting outside the cubicle, impatient to get a look.

”You like it dude?”

”Khaki Coloured Sequin Shorts, Mate? By Crikey I like ‘em!”

”I’ve laser etched an Australian flag onto every sequin by hand, dude, concentrating the power of Australia in every one!”

”I’m… I’m lost for words mate! I’m… Crikey!”

Steve Irwin sinks to his knees in front of the mirror and starts talking in a hushed voice.

”Crikey mates! Look at these feisty fellas! You don’t seem a pair like these very often!”


The Bowiepod Medical Bay, Space


In the medical bay, in the bed next to one of the Archimedes, Paul McCartney sits up. He puts his hand to his face. It feels…

It totally feels totally normal! Just then a nurse comes over, and helps him to the bandage of his face. He can totally see!

He looks over to see the Magnificent Timelord walking down the central aisle of the medical bay. He’s holding a guitar. The shiniest guitar Paul has ever seen. A guitar made from…

”… 100% pure sequin, dude! I got my finest armourers working on it all night, and by gosh it’s pretty sweet! 100% acoustic, 100% loving, and 100% indestructible! Here,” says Bowie, handing it over. ”It’s for you!”


The Bowiepod Medical Bay, Still in Space, But a Little Bit Later


Paul is sitting on the end of bed, staring joyfully around him and playing gently on his new acoustic, humming a new melody. He looks at each of his friends and then finally at David Bowie as the Timelord finishes speaking.

”… so, he’s recce-ing ahead and will infiltrate the DinoNest to try to make your assault easier. I have every faith in Hugh, I have looked deep into his soul and it’s filled with sequins. And a wish to repent. Oh!” he adds, as a cat jumps onto the bed and rubs himself against Paul’s side, purring heavily. ”And Schrödinger’s Cat will be coming with you. You might need the extra firepower, and it seems appropriate. Just don’t put him in a box. Or get in a box with him. Right. You all ready?”

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
None.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: December 20, 2012, 05:54:16 am by lawastooshort »
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 45 46 [47] 48 49 ... 60