Wouldn't it be great if I could ninja Schil's "WHAR'S TEH TURN" with the turn?
Leap off the dragon and face the lich.
You wave goodbye to the wrestler, and then jump to the deck of the pirate ship the lich flew to after the explosion. (1) If by jump you mean fall, and by onto you mean down towards, and by deck you mean surface, and by pirate ship the lich flew to after the explosion you mean lava pit. So: You fall down towards the surface of the lava pit. Yeah. Not good. Not good at all. (luck:1) Nobody is coming to save you. But you still have some time before you hit the surface. It's a long way down.
More fire will do.
Yeah! Now your orc is off of the other orc's dragon, so it's fireball time! (4, 2) (dodge:6, 2) The orc evades one of the fireballs, but the other grazes the dragon's (BP:4) right wing. (damage:4-1) The wing is singed slightly, (luck:3) and doesn't catch fire. Oh, well. You still have a gun. (2+1) (dodge:6) He evades SAM's blast, and swoops towards you! (5) (dodge:3) The orc leaps off the dragon and hits you in the (BP:2) chest! (damage:6) Which explodes. Since, you know, volatile chemicals and all. Your chemistry set is destroyed. (luck:6) And the blast all hit him. Cool. Well, you know, you still got punched by an orc traveling at 30 mph, but at least the blast didn't hurt you. (damage:5) He's blown back as well, and (luck:5) is caught by his dragon. (6) You manage to stay conscious, despite the 170 lb orc to the chest at 30 mph.
seeing as my forge is sentient shouldent it count as an ally? UPGRADE SHIT LIKE A BAWSE
Well, since you didn't specify what you wanted to upgrade, this calls for a sanity check! (SANITY:4) It seems you decide to upgrade something helpful. Your axe, to be precise. (4) (3+1) (2+1) You, Iali, and Iali work on the design of the new and improved Superaxe 9000! (power:1+1) It's about as powerful as your axe is already. But less so. (size:5) Also, it's bigger than you are, so you use it with less accuracy. (usefulness:5+1) Ooh, and it's indestructible! Great. (efficiency:N/A) So. You aehv a peice of shit where your axe used to be. Nice job. You know what? You are so incompetent you gain new incompetence powers. And lose those stupid ones you had.
"Uh, look, girl, everything's fine. Let's just have some pie when this is done, and ... stop crying. Please! Torir, look what you've done now. Why must you continue to do such things?" He annoyed me. Plus, I've always wanted to throw somebody at something. Even you've gotta admit it was funny. "No it was not ... I think there should be some healing supplies around somewhere. I'll go find them for you, girl." Be completely and utterly useless by looking for some healing supplies for the crying girl, then healing her hand with them.
Yeah! Time to look for stuff to heal that girl! (3) You find some bandages in the bathroom, (luck:2) along with the man who you just threw out a window. Nice job. And he's still mad. (6-1) You resolve the situation with paladin diplomacy! By which I mean actual diplomacy. He agrees to not hurt you, if you'll heal him. Hey! Paladins have lay on hands stuff, right? You just remembered an ability of yours! Wow! (1) Oh. Oh god. You charged him with positive energy. Now he's mutating from the stress. Oh. (Mutation:5, beneficial. Physical/Mental: Physical. Degree: 4, big.) He hulks up. He hulks up big. Now he's a musclebound monstrosity. And he's mad. And pointing to his daughter. He says, "If you do this to her, you will be crushed. Understand?" That is some motivation! But you get a -1 due to pressure... (2-1) You really suck at this, you know? (Mutation: 1, horrible. Physical/Mental? 3, Physical. Degree: 4, big.) She goes through the opposite process, shrinking down until she's as this as a twig. She can barely move. And now her dad is MAD. (3+1) (dodge:3-1) He hits you hard in the (BP:6) neck-area. Basically, the whole head and most of the chest, given his current status. (damage:2+2) You fly through the hole
again, (luck:6) but are caught by the kraken that is apparently on your side. Great. (1 vs 2) And now Torir is here to dispense some unholy revenge!
Clear the way for Ax by firing supersonic tungsten particles out of mah teleforce. Considering this thing was originally designed to destroy entire squadrons of airplanes, it should turn anything I've got it pointed at into hamburger.
Alright, fine. You shoot
charged particles of molten metal at the enemies. Specifically the demon lawyers. Hey, I just realized you got a 7 on your power roll for this baby. So, plus two to damage or something? Yeah. (1) You miss the demons. (luck:1) Because you dropped it. And it fired. At you. And the Emet. (damage:3+2) And, you know, another hole through the wall. Made by you this time. Flying through the house. (luck:6) You stop without damaging too much. And now that you're not at the controls, the ghost bard attacks with some sick rhymes! "
You think you can beat me? You're sick in the head! I came back from the dead! Shooting at me with molten lead, think your little lightning gun's the best thing since sliced bread, now I'm seeing red! My music will thrill you, my magic will chill you, and finally I'll kill you! In that little house hovering in the sky, you ask me why, why? Go ahead and cry, because I'm gonna claw out your eyes! You don't believe me? I don't expect you to beat me. Oh no, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die." She fires a bolt of energy from her guitar, and you counter with one from your own, and some sick beats. "You think you can stand in the might of the heroes, playin' your little fiddle like the emperor Nero. The little lich that could, knockin' on wood, because you feel like you should be the ruler of the world, but you just make me want to hurl! A little girl, with her husband's guitar, deluded yourself into thinking you'll go far. It's bizarre! You can't stand up to my mechanical might! You'll cower in fright as I light up the night! MC Schilcote, that's me! And you'll see what a hero I can be!" (6 vs 6
) The bolts of sound meet in the middle of the battlefield with a rush of epic, (luck:1) and the arcing sonic energy flies in all directions. Roll... To... Dodge! (Emet: 5) You get to the bridge in time to pilot Emet away from the blast. (Dragon: 6) The dragon also dodges. (Demons: 6) And so do the demons. (Kraken: 6) And the kraken. (Pirates:6) And. The. Pirates. (Ninjas:3) Hey! The ninjas are hit! (damage:3) About an eighth of your ninja allies are blown away by the music. The falling people are too far away by now to be hurt. (DJ Phylactery:3) The big spoo
nky bard is also hit by her own musical blast! (BP:3)(damage:3) Some of the ectoplasm making up her legs is blown away!
Ax sighed. So much for that idea. Looks like I'm gonna have to fight my way to the damn thing. Let's go then. He drew his new knife and flung it into the horde, trusting it to come back on its own, and threw the self-propelling discs coated with poison into the crowd as well. Then some poison-laced throwing daggers, just to cause as much havoc as possible on the enemy forces. That'll teach those bastards to get in MY way, he thought bitterly.
Yeah. The best solution is just to throw some poisoned stuff into a crowd of enemies. First, your dagger. (2+1) (dodge:1) It hits the dragon thing on the (BP:4) right wing, (3+1) swoops towards the orc, (dodge:3) and hits him on the (BP:4) right arm, (1) and comes back to you. (5) you catch it. (damage:4+2, 3+1) That little dagger cut that wing deep. The dragon-shark-dragon is
floundering in the air. (1-1) And is now dead because of the poison. The orc was also cut badly, (4-1) but was just knocked unconscious. Looks like you just...
Pinned the dragon's wings. So. Throwing disks. (3+1) They go flying into the crowd and hit several pirates, who all
keel over immediately. Nice. And daggers? (5+1) Yeah. You devastate a good portion of the demon horde.
Statuses:
Species: Mutant Description: A "Being" That stands like a man, the size of a man, but covered with horrible burns and an alchemists robe
Profession: Alchemist/Mad Scientest
Background: He once was a man. Atleast he thinks so. But what he does remember is his knack for mixing up chemicals and herbs, always trying to find that perfect mix. But he has suffered his fair share of accidents in the lab
Home Plane: Astral Plane
Abilities:
Master Alchemist,
Mad Alchemist,
Astral Denizen,
Well-Read,
flight Mutations:
Alchemical Immunities,
Four Arms,
Inventory:
Bottle Sling,
Leather Robes,
Phial of enchanted gas,
Doctor's Bag, Plague Doctor Mask, Iron Dagger, 5 gp,
SAM, Infinity doses of
Wizard's Wallbanger, Mild Hallucinogen (10 doses),
Sword, ARM OF AWESOME! Spells:
Spined Hands,
Firebolt,
Thriller,
Name: Axolisin Sathael. He prefers being called Ax or Sin since he thinks it's awesome.
Species: Tiefling Description: Short, pale, and skinny. He stands about 5'5 and 120 pounds. His hair and eyes are pure black and his pure white skin has light gray spots across it. His horns are goat-like. He spends a lot of time moping and figures since he's just so mistreated he can do whatever he wants.
Profession: Thief
Background: He's been kicked around his entire life as you might expect and resorted to thievery since Tieflings are branded as thieves and untrustworthy anyway. He's very small time and hasn't progressed much beyond mugging, purse stealing, pickpocketing, and robbing the poor.
Home Plane: Plane of Shadow
Inventory:
Steel Daggers,
Throwing Daggers,
Good Lockpicks,
Magic Ring,
Black Leather Armor,
Deadly Poison,
Self-propelled throwing discs, Thieves' Guild License, Ring of Invisibility,
Boomerang Dagger,
Grappling hook Abilities:
Burglar,
Good Eyes,
Denizen of Shadow,
Fancy Horns,
Trap Master Health: Fine
Species: Golem Description: Created as a result of DRUNK THAUMATOLOGY!. Was intended to have humanlike personality and intellgence. Doesn't talk much, but isn't stupid. Has no goals of his own besides survival, goes around helping people with various things for lack of a better purpose. Will do anything asked of him unless he has a reason not to (if it conflicts with an existing goal or his basic morality). Lawful Good (as in lawful as the opposite of chaotic). Extremely logical and unemotional. Dislikes entropic behavior. Is good with machines (clockwork and a bit of early steam power, I guess). When he does talk, it sounds something like the above paragraph.
Profession: None. See above. Requires no food and builds his own shelter, and has very little interest in material goods.
Background: See description.
Home Plane: Material Plane.
Inventory:
Lifeban,
Toolkit, 15 gp,
Magitek Manuals, Foot Jets (5 continuous turns/20 hops),
Sonar Cannon Guitar., Cool Shades, Teleforce
Abilities:
Pneumatic Joints,
Simple Personality,
Material Plane Denizen,
Oh Captain My Captain,
Armor Plating Health: Fine
This character brought to you thanks to the wonderful racial descriptions.
Species: Aasimar
Description: Lawful Neutral, almost Lawful Stupid. He firmly believes in the tenets of his faith, and is willing to die to uphold them. Was split into Nirur and Torir, god and evil respectively. A god of good put them back together, and they now are essentially one person with two minds. Profession: Paladin. Background: His people believe themselves to be the only true guardians of the material plane; the best way to help the mortal inhabitants of said plane is by not touching anything. Obviously this is what The Creator had in mind, and any who meddle in the plane, and therefore blaspheme The Creator, are to be punished severely. After three decades of military service (doing nothing), he has been sent out as a sort of test to determine the extent of the planer distortion, fix it if possible, find the perpetrators, deliver justice, then report back.
Home Plane: Ethereal Plane.
Abilities: Nirur:
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking,
Righteous Fury, Lay On Hands
Torir:
Puppy Kicker,
Evil Bastard Both:
Ethereal Denizen,
Split Personality Inventory:
Variably Holy Longsword,
Variably Holy Symbol Full Plate Armor,
Enchanted Ring, 50 gp Scary Dagger
Name: Jo'Ldza (Big Jo)
Species: Orc
Description: We'sn orcs may be deesa jerks, but we's still hassda jobs. I'mn A big ork. Got'sa bald head, with red eyes and wella build a'ms. I'sa been a kaptain for more dan' twenn'y yea's. I 'elp keep the balance wit' mah krew. Profession: Kaptain of an orc sailing ship Background: Grew up on a sailing boat with his brother, who was also a kaptain. inherited kaptain'ism and crew from his brother when he died.
Home Plane: Water Plane
Abilities:
Sailor,
Swashbuckler Water Plane Denizen,
Dinghy Pilot Inventory:
Good Half-Rapier, Shirt, Pants,
Magic Coin Necklace, Ring of Fireball,
The ARRRRm, 85 gp
Species: dwarf
Name: Azrael
Description: a short sturdy creature fond of drink and industry
Profession: blacksmith
Bio: got tired of digging and wants adventure
Home: earth plane
Abilities:
Dwarven Smith,
Drink and Industry,
Earth Plane Denizen,
Avatar of Rnasthoth Inventory:
Superaxe 9000!, Leather clothes, Blacksmith's tools, Mining helmet
Allies:
You kind of made his house into your flying machine, so he decided to tag along. He is now going all fangirl over Schilcote, who he sees as almost a demigod of mechanics.
Abilities:
Master Mechanic,
Old Man Inventory: The entire contents of his house, which you made into a flying machine.
You saved them from some pirates. Yay!
Abilities:
Powder Monkeys,
Kids,
Air Plane Natives Inventory:Clothes
Schilcote's Robobro.
Abilities: Unknown.
Vehicles:
The house part belongs to the gnome mechanic, the flying mechanism belongs to Schilcote, the fueling system was made by Riccto. It runs on air and can easily break the sound barrier. It will almost never break. Schilcote can planejump the ship, but will have -1 on all actions in the next turn.
First floor: Workshop, door outside, kitchen Second Floor: Nirur's room (one cannon - left), Spare bedroom (one cannon - right), Engine room
Third floor: Spare bedroom, cockpit (two cannons - forward), Iali Boltcut's room, ladder to roof, Grav Cannon
Roof:
Pouting TieflingAx's "room",
Badass FlameTurret, Two swivelling cannons, Big Light
Special:
Shield Projector,
Air Generator,
Energy Generator,
Unbreakable drill, Mapquest Generator, ,
Directional thaumic energy sensor
Bought by Schilcote to keep Big Jo happy. Flies as fast as you can row it (with the orc alone? Pretty fast.), enchantment is permanent.
Author
Topic: RTPJ: Tis belongs to Schil now. Have fun. (Read 87523 times)