I think I may have a new all-time favorite character experience
Allow me to share with you the story of Empress Elaiodora Makedon of the Imperium Romanum.
Elaiodora was never meant to be Empress. She was born to Emperor Markos II Makedon, son of Emperor Pamphilios the Glorious, restorer of the Roman Empire. She was born with a clubfoot, an unattractive and near-crippling disability in medieval times. However, she was a few minutes older than her twin sister, Euphemia, so she was the Heir to the Roman Empire.
Markos tried desperately to have a son, but only had another daughter, Aikaterine, before dying of pneumonia at 40. Elaiodora took the purple throne at the tender age of 8.
This is the point where I bit the bullet and accepted my fate.
Her early years were marked by a massive independence revolt headed by the Doux of Tunis and joined by the Despotate of Italy, the Prince-Archbishop of Alexandria, and the Prince-Archbishop of Jerusalem. It was a long and bitter struggle, and the Caliph of the Abbasids took this as the perfect time to invade the breakaway states in Jerusalem. Elaiodora and her Regent, the Baron of Blachernae, fought the rebels to 50% warscore and pushed the Caliph's occupation force out of Jerusalem while the Caliph was distracted in Bulgaria (Abbys took like half the steppes in my game, it's nuts). However, the throne was bled dry by this, loans from the Jews being barely enough to keep the army afloat for another month. Reluctantly, Elaiodora forced white peace. The war had raged for 5 years.
Just before her 16th birthday, Elaiodora discovered she was gay. This is the point where I said "Fuck it, let's make the clubfooted lesbian the best ruler Rome has ever seen."
Elaiodora was a Charismatic Negotiator who was >8 in almost all stats. She had excellent diplo and decent intrigue, stewardship, and martial. Despite furiously plotting to Kill anyone leading a faction, another war for independence broke out two years after Elaiodora turned sixteen. This one we were able to force to surrender, crushing the Doux of Antioch and his allies, the Despot of Italy and Douxes of Tunis amd Achaia. Elaiodora imprisoned everyone, revoked all their titles, handed them out to their former vassals, and cut their balls off (gaining Cruel in the process). Ain't nobody was gonna fuck with her.
This was a turning point in vassal administration of the Empire. This was the first point in time when Viceroyalties were available after a long while of camping technology. Elaiodora was finally able to end the Karling and Guideschi control of the Despotate of Italy. It was also the beginning of converting all feudal duchies in the Empire to viceroyalties.
Elaiodora then murdered her twin sister that hated her, married her other sister to the King of Frisia, and seduced some French Baron's sister named Julienne d'Este. They would remain lovers for life. To get heirs, she matri-married the bastard son of the King of Pannonia.
Revolts were near-constant, almost every ten years, despite the realm's mercenaries, snakes, and manure and Elaiodora's spymaster working overtime murdering and scheming, respectively. Every time a revolt broke out, the offenders were imprisoned, had their titles revoked and passed out as viceroyalties, and had their balls chopped off. Once, some random count got Elaiodora's daughter pregnant and gave her herpes. So, she excommunicated him, threw him in the Oubliette for a while, blinded him, cut his balls off, and finally executed him. The bastard child, she let him live. It's not his fault. See, she can be reasonable.
Her reign was mostly marked by her success in domestic affairs, expanding the viceroyalties and preventing rebellion and dissent through brutal murder. However, she did lead two successful wars, taking the Duchy of Ascalon from the Abbasid and taking the Duchy of Moesia back from the Bulgars. Speaking of wars, she made friends with the Carousing focus Captain of the Varangian Guard. At one of his pretty-much-constant Carousing parties, the board games came out, and Elaiodora soon became a Game Master. Captain Kettlemund kept spamming parties, and Elaiodora kept attending. None dared to disturb the Imperial Warhammer Night.
TL;DR: Murderous clubfooted lesbian Roman Empress cuts people's balls off, removes kebab, fucks women, passes civil reform, and plays medieval Warhammer all the time.
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Topic: Crusader Kings 2 is released. (Read 2121912 times)