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[Huntthetroll]

ATTN: all Marksdwarves

You have ranged weapons for a reason.  DO NOT engage the undead in melee combat.  For Armok's sake, use your heads!

Kadol Ensebdastot, militia commander

[Pirate Santa]

ATTN: all Marksdwarves

You have ranged weapons for a reason.  DO NOT engage the undead in melee combat.  For Armok's sake, use your heads!

Kadol Ensebdastot, militia commander

ATTN: Kadol Ensebdastot, militia commander

Why would we bash them with our heads when bashing them with our crossbows is so much more effective?

Your Marksdwarves.

[Pirate Santa]

What impact is this? Did you somehow manage to fall UP a tree? Please explain.

Maybe the tree sprouted up under the dwarf, springing him up into the air and back down again. (Or maybe he thought he was George of the jungle and didn't watch out for that tree had a climbing mishap from a higher level.)

It's possible. I've had horses suddenly and unexpectedly up trees that weren't there before. Also, on at least one occasion, the merchant caravan got hit by a fast growing tree... They're dangerous things.

The way it's being described it sounds more like Elves have planted landmines all over the place to attack poor Dwarves with trees.

That tickled me. Have a poorly drawn MS paint picture.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Goddamn elven tree mines. I should have known.

[Iapetus]

To the entire military, reserve force, hunting tiger, and honey badger pack:

Thank you  for killing that kobold thief.

However, I am rather disappointed that it took all of you to do so, and only after chasing him around the entire map several times (and despite him at one point fleeing into the fortress).

Also, having examined the combat logs, I'm slightly puzzled why so many of you were charging at your own allies.

I think you all need to attend remedial tactics training, or Armok help us when the wererabbit returns.

[Huntthetroll]

ATTN: all Marksdwarves

You have ranged weapons for a reason.  DO NOT engage the undead in melee combat.  For Armok's sake, use your heads!

Kadol Ensebdastot, militia commander

Urist tried using his head, but after he pulled it off it re-animated and started attacking us. Do you think hands might work better?

Sincerely,

A concerned Marksdwarf

Kadol Ensebdastot, militia captain cancels Kill zombies: Went Insane.
Kadol Ensebdastot, militia captain has gone berserk!

[Timbatim]

Dear Dwarfs,

I just wanted to drop in the information, that this is no democracy.
When I designate Urist McSteellover as Mayor, Expedition Leader, Broker, and every other noble position and give him steel furniture I would like to keep it that way. He just wants earrings every now and then and does not have any stupid ideas about mandates.
In contrast to your "elected" mayor, which is a simple scumbag.

As a matter of fact, I would like you to notice that loitering in the meeting area is allowed, but only for breaks and partys. If work is available, please do it. Oh, and do it faster, because I do not want to wait 2 years for the little task of 800 steelbars. Some of you are legendary+5 smelters, act like it.

Another issue I like to adress is your job canceling after witnessing death, because I build walls around the butchershop, so you do not have to see that your eating habits have consequences for other living beeings.

I heard rumors about all but two Carpenters being high skilled miners with all masterful steel picks, I would like to see you using them on the langurs chasing you. It is no need for 40 dwarfes to run away from an ape or some kagaroo or whatever when nearly everyone of you can block crossbow bolts out of the air casually with their fucking masterful steelpicks while running in another direction.

Please Urist McNoBrain, just do your job and I do mine.

Sincerly,

the overseer.


P.S.:
Do what I mean, not what you think is best. I know better.

[Dark One]

Dear Captain of the guard,

We know how dangerous is your duty. Undead ravens have already killed five dwarves, so if You happen to die soon we're digging massive communal crypt just behind walls of your room!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Good night, sleep tight,

Gravediggers.

[Pirate Santa]

Urist McSurgeon,

Your speedy response to the plight of our injured soldier is much appreciated. Your choice of operating table leaves something to be desired however.

Why are you performing surgery on the Chief Med Dwarf's desk?

Signed,
Your eternally confounded Overseer.

[Adragis]

Dear Fishery Worker,
I regret to inform you that your son was killed recently whilst he was wrestling a weregrizzly.
Is this mindless stupidity hereditary?

yours,
Overseer

[TheFlame52]

Dear Overseer,

What's he going to use it for, eating on? No, that there's a surgery table if I ever saw one. He uses it for surgery too, you know!

Signed,
Urist McSurgeon

[TheKaspa]

PS: It was a table, and it was inside the Hospital. I was right to choose it!

[MobRules]

Dear Urist McArcher Squads:

The reason I sent ARCHER units after the weresheep while keeping the MELEE units away was because this is a situation where ranged weapons are a huge advantage.

Why you wanted to IGNORE that advantage and engage a violent creature with no ranged attack at melee range is beyond me. (Espescially when that creature can transmit lycanthopy by biting, not that that's an issue, since those of you that were too stupid to live, didn't).

I know it was foolish of me to assume that you'd use your crossbows to shoot bolts rather than as blugeons. Why do I even bother with ranged troops?

Signed,

Your annoyed-but-unfortunately-not-surprised overseer.

[aiseant]

Dear recruits,

I know this year of non stop training was a long one, and you probably would like to party with the others at the artifact statue. And you will.

My gift to all of you : a month of rest. For as long as I've been managing you little fools, I have never ever seen anything like this : you managed to kill a giant and furious double headed Etin with ... not even a scratch ?!

Please know I was watching.
Marksdwarves restraing themselves from bashing the thing with their weapon, staying at safe distance and actually using their bolts.
Hammerdwarves dodging all charges from the etin then crushing its skull with their hammer.
Speardwarves doing what they could.
It was splendid, efficient, and I had to double check with the medic to be sure it was real : not even a scratch.

I don't know what to say. Please, party ! The rest of the fort has been mobilized to build your new quarters. No more training under the snow and sleeping in the grass : when your party is over, you'll find new barracks and dorms with finely crafted equipment.

Your amazed Overseer

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Dear Kel Bimolin,

When I have told you to dig out channels next to a floor, I would like you to stand on the floor, not on the channel.  You nearly fell into the zombie pit.  Thankfully, there was one more floor between you and the zombies.  However, nobody would mine you out, not even your lover.  That was my fault, though; I had set up a burrow system to get everybody into the fort while our mason walled the entrance off from the zombie sperm whale.  However, when I remove all designations and tell the other miner to get you out, KINDLY DO NOT DIG OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FEET.  I REMOVED ALL OTHER DESIGNATIONS, BUT THE MOMENT I REMOVED THE BURROW, YOU DUG THE FLOOR OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FEET.  Predictably, you fell 3 stories into the zombie pit and was one-shotted by the rotting corpse of our previous wagon puller, a water buffalo.  Your lover was devastated.  Since this came about from your stupidity, not mine, I was fine with save-scumming.  So in an alternate universe, you survived.  In this one, however, the fort is tantrumming.  Have fun when a fell dwarf somehow murders your corpse, you idiot.

[Iamblichos]

Dear (Now Deceased) Inhabitants of Oilpurged:

When the job to connect the bridges leading into the fort to the lever by the main dining hall has been active for a while... someone do it, please.

I know there were (at one point) three mechanics present; after all, the damn lever got built.  I realize that running around pasturing animals, attending the fifth party at the microcline table and such are fun, but maybe that would have given you a way to close the two drawbridges that limit access to the fort.  That would also have resulted in the fort continuing to have a population of 22, instead of the 6 that are left.

Some of you are now very overworked.  Some of you are stressed and upset.  And it's all your own damn fault, you lazy midgets.

Signed,

Your saddened but not shocked overseer