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[Optio_Pootis]

Dear Urist Abbeykilled:

I know you're angry about being dehydrated. That doesn't make it okay for you to murder the whole fortress with a copper pickaxe.

Sincerely, every member of the fortress of Lemonale.

P.S: Please don't touch the golden drum, it's rather nice and I'd like for it to not be lost.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Dumac McDwemer, (Nchardahrk mod)

While I realize that many weight matters occupy your brilliant mind, one of them really ought to be on getting those farm plots set up.  Brilliance can't outwit starvation, I'm afraid.

Yours,

The Tonal Architect (Overseer) of Fightracks.

[escondida]

Dear Overseer Nyxalinth,

Why should I bother setting up farm plots? I put a dozen barrels in an out-of-the-way stockpile, came back two weeks later, and they were all filled with food! Mind you, I had to fight some anonymous bandits to get to it, but it worked! As a bonus, I accidentally left a -coffer- I was hauling nearby, and I found a full set of masterful steel plate inside, though I had to fight a giant robot thing to get to that. Two weeks later, I fought the same bandits and robot and got more free food and armor! Tell me again why you want me to waste time farming?

Yours sincerely,
Ngerthamek the Dwemer

[Urist McShire]

Dear Urist McBrewer,

The fortress is running out of booze ever since we got that wave of thirty-two new dwarves making our glorious hold their home. I do not appreciate you going on break for half a month when we only have six units of dwarven wine left in the booze stockpile.

Sincerely,

The Overseer (who is beginning to bite his nails hoping nobody goes for a drink until you return to your post)

[Staalo]

Dear Inod Bandanvils,

we're all very happy of your progress as a member of your assigned militia squad. For what I've heard, your conduct has been exemplary and you're truly an asset to our small but efficient military. However, as the Overseer, I have to relay a message from your squad mates and the general fortress populace:

For Armoks sake, please put some pants on.

You have been strutting around the fortress with your dwarfy bits flapping in the wind for two years now and people are really starting to complain. We have some very nice steel greaves and piles of masterful leather pants just waiting in the stockpiles. Go ahead and help yourself.

At this rate you're bound to have some sort of sparring accident that will put an end to your dreams of raising a family. Seriously, put some pants on. And get a pair of boots too, while you're at it.

Regards,

The Overseer.

[pisskop]

Dear Urists;

Please construct the special odered wooden doors in a timely fashion.  While we were waiting, idly, for you, the siege was broken by their own retarded-ness, and now we have a zombie problem instead of a siege problem.  And we still have a poison gas spewing BD that needs doors.  Stop hauling body parts and rocks around and make the damn door.

[than402]

Dear dwarves or Whiskeredroads,

There is plenty of space in our food stockpiles.To be sure,i also made a new one.I couldn't help but notice,however,that no matter what,you prefer to lounge in the dining hall,leave our harvest to rot and only pick them up after they have withered.I just want you to know that when you inevitably starve,i will be laughing with your stupidity while pondering the similarities between your situation an a certain Aesop's fable...

Truly yours,

Your overseer who doesn't care about anything anymore

[Urist Mc Dwarf]

What happened to all the gneiss rock puns?

[TD1]

They got taken for granite.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Overseer Nyxalinth,

Why should I bother setting up farm plots? I put a dozen barrels in an out-of-the-way stockpile, came back two weeks later, and they were all filled with food! Mind you, I had to fight some anonymous bandits to get to it, but it worked! As a bonus, I accidentally left a -coffer- I was hauling nearby, and I found a full set of masterful steel plate inside, though I had to fight a giant robot thing to get to that. Two weeks later, I fought the same bandits and robot and got more free food and armor! Tell me again why you want me to waste time farming?

Yours sincerely,
Ngerthamek the Dwemer

Well played, sir, well played.  Too bad that supposedly ultra super rare obscure lore related KIMUNE showed up and wasted everyone.

[WordsandChaos]

Dear everybody,

About three years ago I told you dig a channel out of the river so we could freeze the water, dig the tunnel out, hook the  and flood the reservoir in the spring.

I designated all plants for processing and harvesting and brewing.

None of you would brew despite your labour settings. Nobody channeled the water way because apparently some random hole in the ground, a hundred levels below, was more important. Nobody would link the lever to the floodgate because on the safe side of the floodgate you were standing on (oh no!) a slight incline. Truly treacherous terrain.

Three years later about 30 of you have died from dehydration. If Trem is the only surviving one of you for the second time in a row, and has to wait until more migrants show up, I won't give a god damn ounce of care. You're dead because you wouldn't save yourselves.

Added to this, three years ago I ordered slabs engraved for various ghosts. there are now six ghosts and nobody has yet to lift a damn finger despite a plethora of slabs and engravers. As a result, your only hope against any violent force has just been beaten bloody by about three of them. She's the only one among you who's worth piss in an olive jar.

You're all getting wooden caskets. You're all getting haphazardly stacked in the caverns. You're not worth the burial hall. You're all dead by Spring and I don't remotely care. If the goblins come after that I'm strongly considering letting the bastards in. You're all worthless.

Now shut up and die quickly,
The overseer.

[Quartz_Mace]

Dear Urist McVampire:
  Now, I generally don't have a problem with your kind. In fact, under different circumstances ou would be our champion, single-handedly wiping out 70 Goblin sieges, but I found you in other circumstances. You started by killing my legendary miner. They found her rotting carcass drained of blood. Then, you killed a CHILD. That's the future of our military when he's 12! After you were convicted of these murders, I had you imprisoned, but somehow you managed to win an entire political campaign as you were dragged down the hall to your cell, replacing the old mayor that I liked. After over a year of incarceration, you were released, met with a liaison, and went about your foul deeds, draining yet another child and a legendary mason. Needless to say, I forged a hammer and appointed a special noble.

100 hammer strikes later, you're sitting here in the hospital with no teeth, broken bones, and an infection. You have been refused treatment. The old mayor was appointed as baroness. You're done.

Please stop killing my Dwarves while I isolate you and prepare you for war. Your bloodlust would be better served on Goblins. If you do not conform, you will die.


Your petty Overseer.

[Illogical_Blox]

Dear Soilwives (my custom professions),

Please make beer in time. It was in the queue for ages. I had to turn off all other jobs to make you do it. Dwarves were getting very thirsty, and we need good quality goods for the caravans!

[94dima94]

Deear Urist McFisher,
I can only guess how you could achieve such an incredible ability in your job. You could be able to feed the entire fortress by yourself spending a day at the river!

Notice how I said you COULD do it? That's because you seem to forget something quite important.
You see, dwarves don't like raw, unprepared fish for dinner; they usually want someone to do something with it, to make it actually possible to eat.
I also noticed that you are the only one who is able to do such thing in our fortress, being as good at fish cleaning as you are at fishing. i foolishly expected to do such thing sooner or later.

Anyway, this doesn't matter anymore. Do you hear that noise? I'll explain to you what that noise is.

My fortress is still young, I don't have a single door yet, and I just had time to dig an underground water tank (that doubles as your fishing zone) before before hiding from the giant wolves outside; therefore if you capture and leave at your feet dozens of fishes, they will sooner or later start to rot and spread miasma everywhere. Now, you might be estatic for your great life, but somebody else is not. And that cloud of miasma happened to be the final blow to their sanity. that's why we now have two berserk dwarves in the meeting hall, killing everyone on sight. Also, one of them is our miner. He will find you in a minute.

Our fortress is doomed, and it looks like it was your fault... Great work.

Sincerely,
your sad, sad Overseer.

[pisskop]

Dear Besmar, Militia commander;

You see what happened?  Why did you do it, man?  We had to send the whole military to save you ass.  And 5, no 6 so far, dwarves have died because of you.  Why did you try to pick up some random sock in the forbidden zone, after I lost the locky door?  Your punishment will not be administered by me, rather fate has seen to it that you should wallow in your own blood as you are too conscious to recover but not unconscious enough to get bad thoughts from being a dumbass.

You darn moron, die in a fire.  but come back inside before another siege.

   Overseer.