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[Dave Mongoose]

This is my knife-flail!

Epic.

[Fault]

Haphaestus was cast out of olympus for being lame

but haphaestus was a dwarf! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT

[Vester]

Zeus is an elf.

[Aklyon]

Zeus is an elf.

if the elves have Lightning, then the dwarves have...War? (Ares)

[Sensei]

No, there was a crafting god who was ugly- garr, can't remember the name! Elves should be apollo (he he had the bow right?) or Hermes. Goblins probably follow Loki, and Kobolds are scientologists.

[Fault]

I've been thinking of doing a Deonideas story featuring elf and dwarf analogues, but high fantasy races don't fit very well in a swords and sorcery setting, so I've been looking for ideas in old pulp magazines - stories of like, strange subhuman civilizations or lost races from underground. Usually with really weird names.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Kobolds are scientologists.

Except without the legal paranoia.

[Sensei]

No wait, actually, they're Dadaists. They'll tell you they're scientologists if they decide to use real words (namely, once you least expect it) though.

Kobold: "Jreengus fasi lokujorum ba."
Adventurer: "Dammit, can you say ANYTHING?"
Kobold: "Waga na weeeeewp."
Adventurer: "I don't know why I'm even trying this is pointless."
Kobold: "I'm a scientologist."
Adventurer: "Wait what? What the hell?"
Kobold: "Jreengus."

[Aklyon]

No, there was a crafting god who was ugly- garr, can't remember the name!

Hephaestus?

[Siquo]

Hephaestus did date the ultimate chick for a while, though, as I remember. Until she cheated on him.

I don't remember with who, but here's a nice story:
With DEONIDEAS!

[EagleV]

Hephaestus did date the ultimate chick for a while, though, as I remember. Until she cheated on him.

I don't remember with who, but here's a nice story:
With DEONIDEAS!

Well, either you're right or we're both wrong. She cheated on him because he was ugly as hell, so he build an artifact cage (or net) trap around the bed. A day later, his wife and her secret lover were naked in a cage in the middle of mt olympus, to teach them not to mess with Urist Hephaestos. Or something like that.

[Siquo]

DEONIDEAS - Rewriting Greek mythology since 1000 BC.

[Fault]

Hephaestus did date the ultimate chick for a while, though, as I remember. Until she cheated on him.

I don't remember with who, but here's a nice story:
With DEONIDEAS!

Well, either you're right or we're both wrong. She cheated on him because he was ugly as hell, so he build an artifact cage (or net) trap around the bed. A day later, his wife and her secret lover were naked in a cage in the middle of mt olympus, to teach them not to mess with Urist Hephaestos. Or something like that.

it was ares, the god of war, whom haphaestus caught with aphrodite (his wife) when he sprung the net trap. He later put the trapped lovers on display in an attempt to shame them, but aphrodite liked the attention, so his plan didn't really work.

poor haphaestus.

[Siquo]

DEONIDEAS is kind of like Ares. Big, masculine and not the sharpest tool in the shed...

[Soadreqm]

Poor Hephaestus. He spends all his time crafting wondrous artifacts for the other gods to use, and they all treat Him like some kind of troglodyte. He forged Zeus' lightning bolts. And probably invented fire.

By the way, His deformities correspond to the symptoms of arsenic poisoning, which was an occupational hazard at the time to smiths who worked with bronze.