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[Pridain]

Hot damn, I've got someone whose labor is:

Lead Dodge Demonstration.

And yes, the recruit under him has "watch Dodging demonstration."

Still dunno how to choose which demonstration he does.

The question is, how are you supposed to demonstrate Dodge by yourself?

Urist McTeacher:  Now watch, me student, as I show yer how ta dodge.  I takes me knife and I tosses it upwards, pointy-like.

*McTeacher steps to the side, the knife thuds off the stones near his foot*

McTeacher:  There ya go, laddie.  I've got little patience and less caution, so that's it for yer lesson.  How's about you try it now?

*McStudent appears less than eager, but tries.  The knife embeds into his foot*

McTeacher:  Oosh, that's not what I been showing ya.  Lacking somewhat in focus, are yer?  Nothing like a blade through your tarsals to get yer attention.  Off to the hospital ward with ya now, and be taking this bucket with you, ifn yer think you might want sommat to drink afore you're well again.

[Karnewarrior]

Criptfiend, I found myself in your sigtext.

I had no idea I was there.

[maxicaxi]

sig

Spoiler: THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS (click to show/hide)

Why are we not dancing and singing and throwing flowers around the caravan throughout the journey?

This. Definitely also this.
But why flowers? Why not SEEDS? spread the Forest as we go, bringing the forest spirits into new territory.

thiiiiiiis

This too

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.

I think I just saw Amala scowl at the two of you.

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiis.

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is the extent of the forum's sanity...

I'm so proud right now that my quote is in the centre of all this
Edit: sorry, centre of all
thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-

Is there any chance we could see the contents of his notebook? Hell, if he caught us, we could just go "AHAHAHA well I was curious and since I daren't perform SCIENCE! this is the most I'll be satsifying my curiosity about anything for some time. HA. HA."
Though hopefully in a more convincing manner.

CANT LET YOU DO THAT STARBUCKS

Bake a barrel roll!

[Deimos56]

Setting up a sig. Cause I can. Starting with some of the more oddball things I've been involved with. Until I actually get around to organizing a megasig.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

it's just awkward when the elves show up with petrified elf flutes to trade.

Urist McPumpy cancels operate pump: Strange Mood.
Urist McPumpy has claimed a screw pump!
Urist McPumpy: I MUST HAVE FLUIDS!
Urist McPumpy has begun a mysterious pumping operation.
Cacame MacElfyPants cancels peaceful trade mission: sky is magma.

And now I'm trying to picture a horned kiwi. 

it doesn't seem to matter.

If it caused this, clearly it does.

...Oh my.

OMG. EPIPHANY.

DF NEEDS MAGMA RIVERS.

NOW.

No.
Magma Oceans.

i once had elves rule the humans AND DWARVES!!!! 

KILL. THEM. ALL.

Inundate this blighted world with magma, and let the bones of the elves form the throne of the leader of the new dwarf empire.

This is a masterfully-crafted elf bone throne. It is adorned with hanging rings of elven fail. It menaces with spikes of dwarven awesomeness. Engraved is an image of an elf. The elf is being struck down by an 80-foot tall Armok avatar made of magma. Engraved is an image of a dwarf. The dwarf is kicking a catsploding cat.

Is it wrong to want the magmarmok as a creature in-game?

[darkrider2]

God I love this forum.

Now spoilered for hugeness.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Eugenitor cancels Hypnotoad Worship: Toad worship already in progress.]

At this point I figured it was safe to deconstruct about 15 wall segments at once. And since I keep all my adult workers busy, the only one's to respond were children. After each wall piece was deconstructed the water would wash a child into a 15 z-level drop, and then they would explode on impact in the shallow river below.

Luckily no important dwarves were lost.

But yes, Dwarf Fortress needs more ways to set the world on fire.

Tetris?   A section of the caverns has collapsed!!!

Freeman goes to use the Gravity Gun on Newton, only to see Newton put up his palm and deflect the blast back, narrowly missing Freeman.

Camera goes to a close-up of a sneering Newton, who says, "Bitch...I invented gravity."

This is the real magic mathamagicians should be doing, none of this "oooooohhh, this number is now over HERE!" silliness. A wave of the hands and a tap of a piece of chalk and your money is now in zero equal piles. He then produces the last digit of pi from his or her sleeve.

On one hand this is right up there with the most horrible things I've ever heard, on the other hand this beats the hell out of just murdering the children for being useless liabilities like I've been doing so far.

Embark on volcano, booze rain occurs. Atmosphere combusts.

A PRICE TAG? In DF, only price tag is the cost of your processer .

The Department of Engineering the Eldritch and Practical Exploitation of genetic Resources, or D.E.E.P.E.R. (Harvesting your nightmares since 2026)

Hey, at least we're removing undesirables with SCIENCE! and style. That's gotta count for something, right?

We're all secretly mantises. Except that one guy. We're trolling the shit out of him.

Election's Tuesday, the world doesn't end for a couple of weeks.

You guys are all deranged psychopaths, but you're the kind of deranged psychopaths that I would love to have tea with.

[ETHIC:CONFUSE_DARKRIDER:HILARIOUS]

[Criptfeind]

Nice one.

[rawr359]

*Fires up the magical machine of lesser necromancy*

Hey! I'm in Cheddarius' full sig!

[Creamcorn]

Do you guys keep a notepad file of these?

[Evergod41]

I finally have too much to slap into my little sig-box!
Oh, and sorry for bumping this but I think that it was the best of my possible actions...

However, if the owner has a tomb, the owner's clothes remain his, because the dwarves expect you to bury them with him.

... and so they put him in his tomb, and scatter his possessions about on the floor of that room. :/

"Child snatcher, child snatcher, Urist gave him a leg fracture!"

No no. Lets carve a planet to be a face. Pluto should look like Pluto from Mickey Mouse. We can make Mars into the Roman Mars/ Greek Ares.

Can you imagine what some alien race finding our solar system would think if we did that and then got wiped out?

They would find our DNA and resurrect us, because clearly we are the superior race.

No, they'd just dig up our cartoons.

You wake up and... Well you're thirsty. You decide that taking something from the refrigerator would be far too uncomplicated and tedious. Instead you grab your shiny new keys and go to the farthest coffee shop in town. You order half the menu and wait impatiently for your plethora of drinks to arrive.
After several minutes the waiter comes back with a few of your drinks, you down them instantly. You wonder why you're still thirsty. You pay the waiter to keep your table reserved, and also pay him to keep bringing your orders out while you go for a walk.
You jog outside and scream "MINE IS THE SUIT THAT SHALL BE MADE OF LACE!!!" and begin sprinting towards the nearest suit shop. You see no suits that mesmerize you, and scream "DRINK OF UNSLEEP!!!" and sprint back to the coffee shop, downing all of the drinks the waiter brought out to your table. He informs you that there is still a lot of drinks left, and says he'll continue holding your table and orders for you.

Hobo: Baaaaaaaaaah....
Man: Hey, why are you sweating on me and going Baaaaaaah?
Hobo: Oh, sorry. This is just how I meet people.

[Nivim]

 Obviously not enough people are using this thread, because I keep seeing people distressed over signature space.

 Edit:

Spoiler: quote (click to show/hide)

"I kill two dwarves in the evening,//I kill two dwarves at night.
I kill two dwarves in the afternoon,//and then I feel alright.
I kill two dwarves at a time of peace,//and two at a time of war.
I kill two dwarves before I kill two dwarves,//and then I kill two more."

Spoiler: Nivm (click to show/hide)

Has the asylum given up?
Have they forgotten?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

{Warning: this is a signature in the making-- a reminder-- don't expect it to help.}
Something something that Eliezer was trying to change (it's a great and epic thing stuck in a little digression from a story).

[Zrk2]

The perfect signature: Dammit people! Sig me! I must feel that I have made something of my life!

[ein]

Just going to leave these here.

Quotes:
Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
   〜 C.S. Lewis

Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
   〜 C.S. Lewis

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
   〜 Ezekiel 25:17

Images:
http://img.ie/7cb92.png
http://img.ie/a6005.jpg

[Jackrabbit]

That is not Ezekiel 25:17.

[fqllve]

It's in the New Samuel International Jackson translation.

[ToonyMan]

Toony: 10% of people think you're the sexiest man in the world
The Blind People: This is a distressing statistic