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[BlackFlyme]

No idea when that's going to be. Takes a fair bit of time to arrange that stuff.

My phone is too shit to talk on it, and I can't just show up at their house unannounced.

[Jopax]

There's also visits by various family friends over the several months after the funearal, they usually stop by and chat for a few hours or something like that. It's funny but for my family it seems that certain distant relatives and family friends only ever visit if somebody dies, is getting married or for some other big occasion.

Also Flyme, I'm not sure about the customs there but folks are usually buried within a day or maybe two of dying, get it done as quickly as possible and all that.

[TD1]

In regards to the whole condolences thing, when my granny died relatives and friends came to the house with essentials like milk, bread, some biscuits then sat in the living room and talked while drinking tea. It's what is done, I guess - my parents expected it, and had had things tidied up outside. I had to serve tea, which I did albeit in a bit of a distracted fashion.

People came up for a few days, then the funeral and its reception after. This is where more general people would give their condolences - friends of my mum's, more distant relatives, things like that.

Ninja'd by Jopax. Same, except it's not several months, more like several days.

[Trapezohedron]

I cannot exact revenge; that would make me an ingrate, because they have done a lot.

I don't condone revenge, but this isn't true. Gratefulness isn't about letting a person's wrongdoings go just because they did you a good turn once. Abuse is abuse, no matter what has happened in the past, so act appropriately. One (but not the only) appropriate  course of action (in some places; I don't know where you live) would be to get authorities involved. Nobody should suffer as you already have, but there are systems in place to get out of the shithole you're in.

If you want to forgive them, do so because you want to, not because you feel obligated for the things they've done for you.

I agree.

Just because someone's been good to you in the past, doesn't mean you need to keep being nice to them if they turn into a raging asshat or start being abusive.

I'm probably going to be nitpicky, but they didn't simply do a good turn once, though going by other definitions of the term, I do get what you mean. But it's hard when they've been caring before, understanding my flaws and shit, and generally being the replacement father I never had.

And then... this happened. I do not want to dip into the recency effect. But everyone also wants me to apologize for something I didn't do, and I'm confused as fuck.

E: Giving up? Believe me, I already tried hanging myself twice. Didn't peter out well. Too scared. I just can't give up.

[TheBiggerFish]

...

I have nothing to offer but hugs, but take of those freely.

[Arx]

@skies That's rough, to put it mildly. Have you considered getting ahold of a therapist? 'Cause I completely understand where you're coming from with keeping up the mask and not letting anyone see you cry. I've been there. Finding a therapist was one of the best things that ever happened to me; it's a place where you can let down the mask, and admit the dirty secrets safe in the knowledge that they won't tell anyone and they've heard worse.

Regardless, good luck. I don't think you deserve death or worse: That's the depression talking. You're not as bad as you think you are. I'm rooting for you.

[chaotic skies]

It's been a while since I went to a therapist for anything. I used to be in and out all the time, but I kept getting the same response: "I can't help you if you won't talk to me." That's about the point I stop going. The whole crying thing has gone from "Don't let them see you cry" to "I can't cry even when I try to." The best I can do is blink and hope my eyes start to water from that.

[ChairmanPoo]

It's been a while since I went to a therapist for anything. I used to be in and out all the time, but I kept getting the same response: "I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

 The whole point about therapist is that they use psychotherapy to try to help you. If you wont communicate... well... you get the idea.

[cottontailcake]

It's been a while since I went to a therapist for anything. I used to be in and out all the time, but I kept getting the same response: "I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

 The whole point about therapist is that they use psychotherapy to try to help you. If you wont communicate... well... you get the idea.

I might be reading you wrong, but I reckon that's the behaviour of one-trick pony therapists who only know one way of approaching/treating somebody, and then having no idea how to proceed when it doesn't work. My first therapist didn't seem to understand any client behaviour that wasn't 'in tears', and I felt like I had to perform for them, which just ended up acting out wellness to them. Bad set-up because my depression lends itself to emotionlessness, not being upset.

In my experience, good therapists manage to 'get on your level', speak to you as an equal not some all-knowing god of how-to-be-a-well-person, and make suggestions about things that, in their experience, work. And just that speaking, about /anything/ is an enormous help, even (in the right circumstances, especially) if it isn't focused on how-to-be-well. Of course, I've also discovered techniques to get more out them, and learnt more about myself.

[ChairmanPoo]

All the guys can do is talk. If John Doe won't communicate with them, then to me it's fairly obvious that they won't be able to do much.

My "official opinion" is that in certain situations psychotherapy alone can help, and in a wider range of situations psychotherapy + medication can be effective.

My personal take is that it's crock for the most part, but I'm willing to admit that my point of view is biased because of a small sample size.

[Orange Wizard]

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

This sounds like a problem you've made for yourself.

[chaotic skies]

I have made it for myself, but it's been to protect myself from...myself, I guess. I used to just spout out whatever came to mind, simultaneously pissing people off and giving them the information they need to hurt me. So I stopped talking about myself, and started talking about everything else. At least now no one has ammunition they can use against me. Doesn't help with therapists though, considering I need to talk about myself for them to be able to help me.

[SalmonGod]

I'm growing more worried about my kids, because of these neighbors.

They seem to be actively listening for anyone in our family to step outside.  When they hear somebody leave our place, they open their garage door.  When they see that one of the adults of our household is present, they make a show of doing something briefly in their garage, and then go back inside.  I don't like to give in to paranoia, so I've encouraged my wife not to make anything of it.  But apparently her and our roommate just stepped outside for a moment.  They immediately opened their garage, saw who it was, and then closed their garage.

At this point, I don't know what else to make of it, but they're looking for an opportunity to catch our kids outside alone.  My wife also claims to have caught the guy standing outside looking in our windows, and when we have our windows open, he sometimes sits in his truck with the door open doing nothing... apparently just listening.

This is getting seriously creepy, and I'm feeling like they pose a more imminent danger to us now than just the threat of our kids accidentally touching their property.

[Frumple]

... uh, yeah, that's kinda' messed up. Not exactly sure what you'd do in that situation, though, other than making sure the kids don't go out alone. That don't involve cops, anyway, and I rather imagine you'd strongly prefer to avoid that.

I mean... theoretically you'd just talk to them (maybe over the phone, if they're in the phone book? Or with a friend or two for backup or somethin'.) and find out what's going on, but... yeah.

[Jopax]

Tell your kids to ignore their house and anyone from it whenever they go outside, no matter what the person says. If they become agressive about your kids ignoring them file for harrassment yourself, because you don't know them and they don't have any god damn buisness messing with your kids.