I hate my dreams. One day I don't remember them at all, and they're probably about being a dwarf or some shit that'd be really cool. The rest of the time it's about dead people or some other shit that just makes me feel like total shit, and I can remember it perfect.
Yeah, the human memory is pretty negative. It might help if you keep a dream journal. You should keep a dream journal at any rate. Makes it easier to get out of bed.
Some combination of just a sad mood and a sad song just...Sadded me.
And the people I feel the most comfortable talking about this to are basically strangers on the Internet...
That song was really appropriate...because dammit I'm lonely all right.
I know, but I wish I could talk to actual meatspace people...
That's the sadding bit...
* Cinder hugs
I don't really have anything to say that aren't platitudes, I guess.
Yeah, good points all round. I just kind of have a Jonah complex going on, which kind of gets in the way of a lot of things, and a shit-tier sense of self-worth that says that i'll probably never be good enough to get accepted into Fart SchoolTM. I still occasionally have dreams where i'm suddenly ultra fabulous at arting, so i think that i can safely say that it's a dream of mine, and i would absolutely love to be a magic-tier artist. Maybe that's what i should work towards after folk high school?
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snop
Hey, you two, I'm addressing you both since what I'm going to say would be pretty similar anyways, but you two are two of my idols. I guess I haven't said things much because I'm worried it'll be useless platitudes or whatever, and what I'm saying right now probably are platitudes, but it has to be said.
Vector, you're one of the most diligent, intelligent, and creative people I've known. I can't say that you're wrong to say that you're weak and useless, but I just have to point out that by that metric, so is everyone else in the world. And those metrics are just that, metrics. You can give yourself any unrealistic standard you want, just keep in mind that just by your courage to act despite your insecurity, and your self-criticism, you're already better than a lot of people. I'm not Tiruin, so I'm not going to say that there aren't
any people who don't deserve to live, but you're not one of them.
Shook, I always want to say things about how your art inspire me, but I just personally feel faint praises are just as bad as silence. Literally everyone else already said your art is good, but just like Vector, you two are just beyond us when it comes to your standards, and that's not a bad thing. Famous artists are weird, creepy, crazy people with no shame, so don't worry about how others think of your art, because they're good and has so much potential. I'm kind of losing track of what I'm saying but basically you have both the talent and training to become a great artist. What you need now is courage. Which, in case I sound like I'm spouting platitudes again, I want to say I haven't succeeded in yet either. But the way is there and the way is clear.
snup
See above rant @Vec/Shook, though I'm not sure if I should've included you in there but I don't really know you much.
People are weird, emotional and irrational. I like to think whenever someone acted weird and get pissy at me and I can't find anything for me to improve myself upon, that it's karma for me being pissy at other people when they didn't really do anything.
Thing is, it's circumstances. That person may have had a bad day. They may have expected you to see something which they failed to convey. If they are unwilling to make you understand, then I'm afraid it'll be one of the universe's mysteries. Just don't blame yourself for it, okay?
Decided to have a check on Playmindcrack, and the server's... well, dead.
Shame, really. It was pretty fun. Apparently they ran into funding/number of player issues.
The sink or fly nature of online games are depressing. Hopefully one day someone will make something similar and it will have some moment in the light.
I hate my sarcasm. I hate my arrogance. I hate my selfishness. I hate my naivety. I hate my stupidity. I hate my hipocricy. I wish I was better. I wish I didn't feel like the scum of the earth. I wish I didn't feel like I have to run from everything so I don't hurt more people. I wish...I wish I could just be done with it. Go live in the middle of nowhere. In a cabin, with a cat. But I would have to have internet, and I'd have to grow my own food and...ugh. Even my dreams seem bad to me. And they're my goals.
Just so you know, other people are either too dumb to see their flaws, or they do and are just better and not letting it get to them, or they do and it does get to them but you don't see it. Self-loathing is invisible. You're not hurting anyone. You're normal. You might even be special but again I'm not Tiruin so I'm not saying that.
Relax, dude. You don't owe the world anything.
* Cinder hugs
My guy was supposed to come up here for a week. He'd be getting on the bus in about 2 hours.
He's having second thoughts because of the length of the trip and anxiety.
* Cinder hugs socratically
Getting drunk because of the pain your in.
* Cinder hugs
I hope you feel better soon.
Funny how the moment I think I got my shit figured out and somewhat together it turns out that I very much don't :V
Nobody does, but I believe in your ability to make your fecal matter slightly less not-figured.
* Cinder pats
Been really tired all day and trying to go to sleep early but can't sleep. Have a test tomorrow I'd prefer to not be obscenely tired for.
I swear to god one day I'm going to fly over here and force you to habe decent sleep.
You should see a counselor about it, though. I mean, it sounds like this is starting to derail your life. Don't let your life be derailed by awful sleep, dude.
Also blue light from computer screens = bad. Even lying awake in bed at night being existential is better. Also install f.lux.