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[TheBiggerFish]

It's not even necessarily shy (although it is), but just that I'm so isolated from everybody.  I mean, I do most of my posting in the car.

[Trapezohedron]

It's not even necessarily shy (although it is), but just that I'm so isolated from everybody.  I mean, I do most of my posting in the car.

ok that's interesting.

how do you manage

[Vector]

-snip-

[TheBiggerFish]

Vector, Vector, Vector!!!

You are awesome and don't even let yourself think otherwise!   And definitely don't let anyone else think that for you!

*hugs (platonically)*

It's not even necessarily shy (although it is), but just that I'm so isolated from everybody.  I mean, I do most of my posting in the car.

ok that's interesting.

how do you manage

Well enough...

[Trapezohedron]

Vec, I feel ya.

For most of my life, I've been dictated by parents to do as they wish, and saying things outside of their envisioned goals would net me a scolding. Me being young, and very familial, due to certain circumstances, this built an impression within me that wouldn't allow me to do ANYTHING that would jeopardize the family. Sometimes, this is good. For the most part, it isn't, as I've become so emotionally sensitive and unwilling to break the status quo out of fear of being scolded again, for 'failing' their expectations.

Restating my previous post, this developed my shyness for me, and has further exacerbated my inability to find romantic love, out of fear that it wouldn't appear as idealized by family members.

Like yourself, this also crystallized in my self-image, which I've been trying hard even to this day to remove, and has made me felt like shit a couple of times. It also spread into other avenues, such as envy for others, because they can do so flawlessly what I can 'never' do (or so it would seem because I've exceeded my expectations several times, but it feels like it's absolutely impenetrable).


Slightly related to the above, I've received a rather awkward chain of PMs here, leading to someone getting pissed off for my seeming passive-aggressiveness... or for something I can't even fathom, since I don't even understand what's going on for something to turn a sudden 180 degrees.

Something about me being too damned prideful, I guess? Or being a hyper-sensitive, grown by a single-mom (whom I was abandoned from due to the same circumstances posted above) emotional twat who's saying all these things unwarranted. Or maybe it's relating the person-asking-for-gender thing as a possible veiled romantic interest prelude, stated jokingly, due to the recent awkward conversation I've had on Steam?

To each his own I guess. But I really shouldn't be getting caught up in all of this, being the more rational person, or at least I believe myself to be. I'm less sad about the message, really, and more sad about my inability to understand why people would suddenly get pissed.


@BigFish

but why post in car. :o

[TheBiggerFish]

@Trapezohedron:
First off, *hugs*, *more hugs*

Second off:Because it's boring otherwise and I want to?

[RedKing]

@Vector: You and my SO would get along fabulously. She has the same mindset of feeling guilty selfish for any moment of happiness or less than 100% devotion to making OTHER people feel better. Which is insane, and the result of years/decades of emotional trauma. She'll be fifty this year, so don't feel bad that you're still struggling with it at twentysomething.

I will tell you the epiphany she finally had in counselling (which I have to regularly remind her gently of):

It's okay to want things. It's not selfish.
It's okay to like yourself, because you are likeable.
It's okay to love yourself, because you are loveable.



This is true of you as well.

[Trapezohedron]

@Trapezohedron:
First off, *hugs*, *more hugs*

Second off:Because it's boring otherwise and I want to?

i kinda thought you were living off the road... or am i missing something here

[TheBiggerFish]

No, I have a home, I'm just barely ever there.

[Trapezohedron]

D:

hope you're all safe and such. Giving hugs every time must leave your back defenseless for stabs.

[TheBiggerFish]

Aww, thanks for being so concerned.  Don't worry, I've got armor.  ;P

I suppose I misspoke, though-It's not necessarily the car, but I do do a lot of my posting while not at home.

[Projeck37]

*imagines a giant fish wearing armor, holding a phone, posting on bay12 while trying to drive*

*instantly amused*

[TheBiggerFish]

No, good grief, don't post and drive.  Yikes.

All the same, glad I could give you a bit of humor.

[Projeck37]

Oh, no, I just meant the image of a fish in armor doing such is amusing.

[TheBiggerFish]

I know, but all the same.