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[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

I do think some crazy stuff on the line of that but I don't think my mind just randomly jumps to killing 7 people, usually it builds up slowly, I'm also usually mad, and thinking of nothing but the person that angered me. Then I sit there at the aftermath of my thoughts and think,"WTF dude?"

[Eric Blank]

Wanting to kill yourself isnt normal in the sense that it should be ignored. I know how that feels, xy. It hurts, and it comes back. I can't say finding medication will help much, or for long; mine isn't helping me as much as it used to. But you gotta try talking to your family more. Talk to somebody, talk to us, even.

Also, I'm glad to see I'm not the only person that can walk down the street and think "I bet it would be fun to sock that smug asshole in the face/kick that woman in the gut" out of nowhere.

[Gentlefish]

Don't worry. It's totally a thing that happens to every one, but they (especially the suicidal thoughts)  are definitely more common in people with depression.

[XXXXYYYY]

Wanting to kill yourself isnt normal in the sense that it should be ignored. I know how that feels, xy. It hurts, and it comes back. I can't say finding medication will help much, or for long; mine isn't helping me as much as it used to. But you gotta try talking to your family more. Talk to somebody, talk to us, even.

Also, I'm glad to see I'm not the only person that can walk down the street and think "I bet it would be fun to sock that smug asshole in the face/kick that woman in the gut" out of nowhere.

Strangely enough, this small(ish) place on the internet is the actual only place where i seemingly can bring myself say things about problems I'm having. IRL, Even in the midst of a breakdown, I lied to my parents about the severity. I don't know why I do it, but I hate myself for it, and I can't stop. It's just another mask I wear on top of the rest, and I feel like I can't take it off.

[Eric Blank]

I did the same thing to my parents for years. Its really hard to finally do, but you'll feel so much better afterwards, its worth the effort.

[Spehss _]

Spoiler: wall of text for XY (click to show/hide)

Right. So. I can completely relate to that XY. Was depressed, regularly had highs and lows where I could go from "I'm fine I guess" to "life is unending misery" over several weeks. May or may not still be depressed and just fooling myself. I regularly had suicidal thoughts along the lines of "I should give up and kill myself," or "my life is hopeless and all I can ever look forward to is killing myself in the distant future" or stuff like that. Walk by a tall building and wonder if it was tall enough to jump off of. Look up methods and contemplate plans for a future situation. Look up statistics. Stuff. Logically the thought of how my parents would react, and the thoughts of the aftermath and such kept me from actually doing anything. I think the suicidal thoughts became an intrusive thought and a coping mechanism for me to handle stress. Like, "if the stress becomes too much there's still a way out" sort of thinking.

That being said, the depression was hindering my life, and I recently went out and tried getting help. Talking to a therapist for a bit, got a prescription for anti-depressants. Just the act of reaching out to try and fix the depression made me feel so much better that it made me question if I even needed the meds or the therapist. Haven't had serious thoughts of offing myself since first making the effort to get help. That was several weeks ago. I don't know if the meds are helping or not, honestly. Think the act of getting help helped me more.

So, yeh. I'd recommend at least trying to talk to a professional about it. It's hard as hell to start it, and it's especially awkward to talk about the suicidal thoughts with a professional, but you feel so much better. I did.

[ggamer]

Wanting to kill yourself isnt normal in the sense that it should be ignored. I know how that feels, xy. It hurts, and it comes back. I can't say finding medication will help much, or for long; mine isn't helping me as much as it used to. But you gotta try talking to your family more. Talk to somebody, talk to us, even.

Also, I'm glad to see I'm not the only person that can walk down the street and think "I bet it would be fun to sock that smug asshole in the face/kick that woman in the gut" out of nowhere.

Strangely enough, this small(ish) place on the internet is the actual only place where i seemingly can bring myself say things about problems I'm having. IRL, Even in the midst of a breakdown, I lied to my parents about the severity. I don't know why I do it, but I hate myself for it, and I can't stop. It's just another mask I wear on top of the rest, and I feel like I can't take it off.

I can't offer you any advice beyond going to a therapist, broheim. Majora's Mask emotional orgy syndrome (a term I just coined just now) is not something you should have to deal with, and the professional opinion of random dullards on an internet forum is probably not your best psychiatric choice.

But yeah, I wasn't trying to devalue what you were saying. All I can say is that I hope you get better.

I do think some crazy stuff on the line of that but I don't think my mind just randomly jumps to killing 7 people, usually it builds up slowly, I'm also usually mad, and thinking of nothing but the person that angered me. Then I sit there at the aftermath of my thoughts and think,"WTF dude?"

Oh I don't really want to do it, that'd be fucking crazy. It's just the same kind of thought you get when you're afraid of heights and you imagine falling off, it just happens and I roll w/ it.

[XXXXYYYY]

Spoiler: wall of text for XY (click to show/hide)

Right. So. I can completely relate to that XY. Was depressed, regularly had highs and lows where I could go from "I'm fine I guess" to "life is unending misery" over several weeks. May or may not still be depressed and just fooling myself. I regularly had suicidal thoughts along the lines of "I should give up and kill myself," or "my life is hopeless and all I can ever look forward to is killing myself in the distant future" or stuff like that. Walk by a tall building and wonder if it was tall enough to jump off of. Look up methods and contemplate plans for a future situation. Look up statistics. Stuff. Logically the thought of how my parents would react, and the thoughts of the aftermath and such kept me from actually doing anything. I think the suicidal thoughts became an intrusive thought and a coping mechanism for me to handle stress. Like, "if the stress becomes too much there's still a way out" sort of thinking.

That being said, the depression was hindering my life, and I recently went out and tried getting help. Talking to a therapist for a bit, got a prescription for anti-depressants. Just the act of reaching out to try and fix the depression made me feel so much better that it made me question if I even needed the meds or the therapist. Haven't had serious thoughts of offing myself since first making the effort to get help. That was several weeks ago. I don't know if the meds are helping or not, honestly. Think the act of getting help helped me more.

So, yeh. I'd recommend at least trying to talk to a professional about it. It's hard as hell to start it, and it's especially awkward to talk about the suicidal thoughts with a professional, but you feel so much better. I did.

Wanting to kill yourself isnt normal in the sense that it should be ignored. I know how that feels, xy. It hurts, and it comes back. I can't say finding medication will help much, or for long; mine isn't helping me as much as it used to. But you gotta try talking to your family more. Talk to somebody, talk to us, even.

Also, I'm glad to see I'm not the only person that can walk down the street and think "I bet it would be fun to sock that smug asshole in the face/kick that woman in the gut" out of nowhere.

Strangely enough, this small(ish) place on the internet is the actual only place where i seemingly can bring myself say things about problems I'm having. IRL, Even in the midst of a breakdown, I lied to my parents about the severity. I don't know why I do it, but I hate myself for it, and I can't stop. It's just another mask I wear on top of the rest, and I feel like I can't take it off.

I can't offer you any advice beyond going to a therapist, broheim. Majora's Mask emotional orgy syndrome (a term I just coined just now) is not something you should have to deal with, and the professional opinion of random dullards on an internet forum is probably not your best psychiatric choice.

But yeah, I wasn't trying to devalue what you were saying. All I can say is that I hope you get better.

I do think some crazy stuff on the line of that but I don't think my mind just randomly jumps to killing 7 people, usually it builds up slowly, I'm also usually mad, and thinking of nothing but the person that angered me. Then I sit there at the aftermath of my thoughts and think,"WTF dude?"

Oh I don't really want to do it, that'd be fucking crazy. It's just the same kind of thought you get when you're afraid of heights and you imagine falling off, it just happens and I roll w/ it.

I did the same thing to my parents for years. Its really hard to finally do, but you'll feel so much better afterwards, its worth the effort.

Thank you all. Not much else I can really say. Just... Thank you all.

Also,

Majora's Mask emotional orgy syndrome

This is amazing. Thanks for the smile.

[alway]

-Snip-

Would it make you feel better to know that these tricks had never occurred to me before, and upon trying them today after reading about them in your post, they are helping me?

Those are actually variations on one of the most classic and reliable memory techniques, the Method of Loci. The hard part of memorization is triggering the recall; without strong links between some topic and some sub-topic's details, you won't really remember it by thinking about the topic in general. Such methods add links by utilizing the spatial memory, in which varying sizes of landmarks and how they link together are fundamental building blocks. And thus by picturing one 'landmark' you also recall the links to smaller scale landmarks around it, and the associated memories along with them.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

I hope that you get better XY! Good luck!

Kaladin cancels sad post: Went insane
Kaladin has been stricken with melancholy

[MaximumZero]

I hope that you get better XY! Good luck!

Kaladin cancels sad post: Went insane
Kaladin has been stricken with melancholy

Thaaaat's why you're in the Halfway Haus. Okay.

[KingofstarrySkies]

I hope that you get better XY! Good luck!

Kaladin cancels sad post: Went insane
Kaladin has been stricken with melancholy

Thaaaat's why you're in the Halfway Haus. Okay.

wow
such self promotion
much sell out
wow

[MaximumZero]

I hope that you get better XY! Good luck!

Kaladin cancels sad post: Went insane
Kaladin has been stricken with melancholy

Thaaaat's why you're in the Halfway Haus. Okay.

wow
such self promotion
much sell out
wow

Wow, update your damn LP. Much tongue sticky outy. Very sarcasm. Wow.

[Arx]

Study leave is bad. I should be studying biology, but I'm actually wondering about Python screenscrapers.

[Orange Wizard]

Guess which one's more useful.