Let me explain my sads yesterday...
In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.
Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.
I just... Can't. I can't anymore.
I know this is seven pages late, but goddamnit I'm going to input something.
Cmega, I fucking hate that line of thinking and hell, I've had days my parents have taken my laptop* to encourage me to go be social, but of course I never take because honestly, I can't be social face to face. I either end up stuttering a lot or misinterpreting tones of voice or facial expressions, or have this blank stare on my face when in all reality I should be able to show emotion. I don't find the ability easy and though I've been improving I still find it difficult to show emotion face to face.
And on belt lashings? I've been hit with a belt whenever a spanking would be used since I was... Seven? Either way, belts hurt and I personally wish my parents didn't do it and threaten to do it. I recall that whole bible verse 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'* and fucking hell I wish I wasn't in a Christian home because at least then I could legitimately say that it's wrong, but as far as I know that's their justification. Hell I might be exaggerating a lot, but do I care right now? No. Using the computer or anything else as a justification to beat their child as discipline is fucking wrong.
*And use my history as an excuse to get mad at me. Privacy is fantastic when it's one sided, no?
**
Misquotes ahoy! Corrected by TiruinAlso, I apologize for the gratuitous swearing in this.
If this is a bit too late to say anything, let me know because in all honesty, I don't want to end up disrupting something/break the rules.
My sads now.
Two funerals I had to go to yesterday and I feel sad not because I knew them but because I
didn't know them.