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[Descan]

I finally got my fifty grams of caffeine to make myself a little less... sleepy in the morning.

Problem is, it's in a non-resealable bag, and I don't have anything to put it in. Now I could try using all fifty grams at once, but that might would probably will definitely kill me.

edit: accidentally a word

Do you have a bread-tie, and does the bag have a mouth long enough to use that bread-tie on it? Might work until you get something more permanent.

[Knit tie]

I finally got my fifty grams of caffeine to make myself a little less... sleepy in the morning.

Problem is, it's in a non-resealable bag, and I don't have anything to put it in. Now I could try using all fifty grams at once, but that might would probably will definitely kill me.

edit: accidentally a word

50 grams of caffeine as in a pure, chemical compound?

[scrdest]

I finally got my fifty grams of caffeine to make myself a little less... sleepy in the morning.

Problem is, it's in a non-resealable bag, and I don't have anything to put it in. Now I could try using all fifty grams at once, but that might would probably will definitely kill me.

edit: accidentally a word

50 grams of caffeine as in a pure, chemical compound?

Relatively pure, I presume. Caffeine is relatively easy to extract, after all that's how making coffee works.

Let me explain my sads yesterday...

In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.

Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.

I just... Can't. I can't anymore.

I can't really thing of anything intelligent to say, so all I'll say is:
*hugs*

[Knit tie]

Relatively pure, I presume. Caffeine is relatively easy to extract, after all that's how making coffee works.

Pure caffeine can really, really kill you. It's like capsaicin: good diluted but wrecks you body when pure.

Let me explain my sads yesterday...

In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.

Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.

I just... Can't. I can't anymore.

Why would your mom be angry at you? Did you fail at school?

[Mr. Strange]

Moms be like that. Always, even when you're thirty and married.

What helps is that you need to get big cat to hug you when you feel down.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Or you can feed annoying peole to it. That works too.

[Dutchling]

Pure caffeine can really, really kill you. It's like capsaicin: good diluted but wrecks you body when pure.

According to the instruction that came with it, it ought to be enough to kill me ~8 times.

It´s not like I'm planning on snorting it by the gramme >.>

[Vector]

That feeling as you're struggling with something like putting your resume together and suspecting that you're really not all that bright, after all.

[Frumple]

Maybe just having trouble auctioning yourself off like a piece of meat? That bit of the whole resume thing keeps bothering me, personally, along the the constant implicit -- and sometimes explicit -- suggestions to misrepresent yourself.

... which is to say I totes empathize. Resume creation has been a thorn in my side for a while now

[Avis-Mergulus]

Let me explain my sads yesterday...

In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.

Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.

I just... Can't. I can't anymore.

I don't think we talked before, but please believe me when I say I care, because I really do. I don't have anything coherent to say, but you should know that I read this post and many fucks were given. Belt-lashed? What kind of person even does that anymore? I mean, I apparently live in a cold feudal place with no human rights whatsoever, but even here this shit doesn't fly. What the hell. Just what.

I wish for stuff to get better for you. I know it sounds kinda impotent, but I'm an internet person, not a real one. Still, I'm not indifferent at all, if that helps any.

[Mr Space Cat]

Let me explain my sads yesterday...

In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.

Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.

I just... Can't. I can't anymore.

how unsociable the computer is making me

how unsociable the computer is making me

Spoiler: Brace yourself as I tear Cmega's mom's arguments apart. (click to show/hide)

This is a stupid argument to make. This is 2014, practically every average teenager has a small computer in their pocket. That they use almost constantly. That they use almost constantly to stay in contact with people. Or to waste time on the internet. Or to play incredibly shallow games in order to kill time. They are willing to pay money every month for such a computer. And yet not every teenager is a basement dwelling friendless anti-social neckbeard.

If you were using a cell phone all the time they'd probably think you're normal and social, even if you were just using the phone to browse the internet/Bay12 like you would if you were on a desktop computer. Probably a laptop would prompt a similar idea of "nerdy not-socialness," despite the laptop being portable, but a cell phone is totally normal and social to use all the time because everyone does. It's a stupid outdated bias that excessive computer usage==unsocial when practically everyone uses a computer fairly regularly now for whatever.

Also it bugs me that your mom wants you to be more social and blames your computer usage for not being social. If you weren't using the computer you'd probably go be "social" if you wanted to or do some other thing instead if you didn't want to be social. Access to a computer doesn't determine whether you're "social" or not, it's primarily a person's personality. Some people like having tons of friends and making tons of new friends and constantly going out to do things with said friends, which is probably your mom's definition of social, and some people don't like having tons of friends and making tons of new friends and constantly going out to do stuff with friends.

Your mom needs to get off your back and let you do your own thing and stop worrying about something as petty as whether or not you're "social" enough. As long as you aren't torturing puppies or mentally deranged from loneliness or something you're probably getting enough social interaction, regardless of whether you meet your mom's "social standard".

I can't argue as well about anything else your mom said because I don't know you well enough, except that that "starving people" statement is terribly cliched and almost meaningless. Yes, there's starvation and disease everywhere. Making such a comment only guilt-trips people for being born into (or achieving) the privilege of not being poor and starving all the time. Guilt is not a good motivator.

Also given your past statements you sound like a relatively hard-working individual who takes their schoolwork and education seriously. I see no implications of "wasted potential" from what I know about you. Except maybe that you don't meet the overly high expectations of a certain parent.

I have no idea where the "ungrateful" idea comes from. There's probably miscommunication between you and your mom or something. Does she expect you to thank her constantly for caring for you and providing food and a place to live? That's sorta her responsibility to you as a parent, yeah it's not required, but I'd think there'd be mutual gratitude toward what I'd consider a mutual act of parental love and caring. Considering how she's bitching about you now for not meeting her standards of some kind of perfect offspring, the argument that you are ungrateful is rendered null. "Yes dear mother, I am most grateful for your smothering and beating and brainwashing, may I have another?"

tl;dr Sorry about your mom being a helicopter parent and having overly high expectations of you. You should probably talk to her about that. Unless she's a total bitch who won't listen to her child's own opinions. Then all I can suggest is "Move out once you can."

Hopefully I didn't offend you or anything C. I'm only a stranger over the internet, I only know so much about your situation. This was fun to tear apart though. I admit your mom being so uptight about you not being "social enough" pisses me off, that probably prompted me to write all this. It seems like an incredibly stupid trivial thing to ground and beat one's child over. Good luck with all that other stuff. Don't let it stress you out too much.

[MrWillsauce]

That feeling as you're struggling with something like putting your resume together and suspecting that you're really not all that bright, after all.

That feeling when you try to do anything at all and realize that you're not very bright, just as you suspected all along.

[Lightningfalcon]

I don't have that much advice for actually living in that situation, but if it's bad at home I would like to suggest graduating high school early.  Check if your state has any kind of online classes.  If so, take them. In addition for allowing you to possibly get out of school a year early, they have other, unseen benefits.    If there is something you are struggling in, and you know for a fact you won't be using that class in life, take it online and cheat away.  You are not forced to listen and sit to boring lectures, and instead can just read through the material, do whatever "Classwork" might be assigned, and then take the test with the notes right in front of you.   

[Kansa]

Let me explain my sads yesterday...

In 2-4 days my mom will be shouting at me about how irresponsible I am, how unsociable the computer is making me and how I waste so much potential and she has sacrificed so much for me and how can ai be so ungrateful and there's people starving outside and I'm gonna ruin my life. I'll probably get belt
lashed or worse, and won't be able to talk to you guys for at least a month, probably two to four.

Add to this the fact that school has been as bad as ever, my classmates/friends are still being idiots, three teachers are angry at me, gaslighting is still going on (not as bad as some people have it, but it's still there) and I don't know what's right or wrong or what is going on.

I just... Can't. I can't anymore.

I'm sorry, I really hope things get better for you and I hope your mother realises how much she is hurting you with all this.

[Talvieno]

cmega, I seriously feel for you. I had/have a slightly different version of that, and I know it totally sucks. Don't give up hope, though. Stay strong.

edit:

Spoiler: Yeah, I know how it feels. (click to show/hide)

 First, I know about the belt whippings, I got them too, up until I was... I think the last one I got was when I was 14.

When I was in grades k-3, I was quickly recognized as ahead of the rest of the class and given special classes (Apex, they called them) (this isn't particularly impressive for somebody playing dwarf fortress, I suppose, and I'm trying to use this to explain my story, so don't think I'm bragging (my IQ is merely 135, nothing incredible)). After grade 3 my mom pulled me out of school to try to homeschool me herself, as she thought she would teach me "better" than the school was. She replaced the socialization I was getting at school with church - although with church, I was only getting three or four hours a week compared to the 30+ I'd been getting at school. Not only that, she proved to be a horrible teacher - from that point on, while I had the resources, I basically had to teach myself while she napped, watched TV, or did whatever. Everything I learned since I was eight, I've basically taught myself.

My family started breaking up (marital issues) around when I was 12. My mom and dad stopped going to church, I stopped seeing kids my age completely, and for a good deal of the time, was left at home alone with two younger brothers and two special-needs sisters we'd adopted from Bulgaria - and none of my siblings respected me or listened to a thing I said - but I got treated as if they did. I got in trouble for every mess they made (beaten a lot), and was totally stressed out for the next two years, without ever getting to talk to any friends outside the family. When my parents got divorced two years later, and my mom hated me from then on out: I look just like my dad, and for that  reason, I remind her of him. She absolutely loathes him, and so she treats me close to the same way. She hasn't said a single encouraging thing since then to me, being overly critical of everything I've done, telling me I'm irresponsible and wouldn't last a day in a real job, saying my career choices (programming, then writing, then modeling) are ridiculous and I won't be able to earn a living with them ("especially with your skills, that looks like a program  I would've seen in the 80's"), etc. You get the idea. My mom absolutely loves that I'm doing her job as the parent, though, and has done absolutely everything in her power to ensure I can't leave home, and has even said as much - "There's nothing wrong with going to college when you're 40."

So, I've been a "parent" to my siblings since I was 12, I haven't seen anyone my age in person since then, I've never even hugged a girl, and every relationship I've had has been purely online (which makes me losing my fiancée a few days ago look even more pathetic (she was going to visit me for the first time this summer, but now... yeah.)). I have no phone and I have a laptop with Internet capabilities only because I saved up for it myself from scrounging - and she wouldn't even let me out of the house buy it myself (I was 19). I can't get out of the house because the nearest town is 15 miles away, no money, no method of transportation (my mom won't let me learn to drive), no local friends, no formal education, and therefore no way to get a job and finally move out - and on top of all of it, my siblings need me to act as the parent. I'm 23, and I turn 24 on the 29th, and it's been at least half a year since I've been out of the house, 12 years since I saw anyone my age, and I've had to act as a parent and take the abuse of my mother for all that time.

So, yes. I get the abusive parent thing. It sucks. It seriously does, and all I can say is, stay strong and keep hoping. That's all you can really do. Believe in yourself. Not just anyone could make it as far as you have, and that means you're awesome. I know it may not sound like much now, but the important thing is that you don't give up. Don't let her win. Be strong, man. It sucks like hell, but you can get through this. Don't stop hoping.

[GiglameshDespair]

cmega, I seriously feel for you. I had/have a slightly different version of that, and I know it totally sucks. Don't give up hope, though. Stay strong.

edit:

Spoiler: Yeah, I know how it feels. (click to show/hide)

 First, I know about the belt whippings, I got them too, up until I was... I think the last one I got was when I was 14.

When I was in grades k-3, I was quickly recognized as ahead of the rest of the class and given special classes (Apex, they called them) (this isn't particularly impressive for somebody playing dwarf fortress, I suppose, and I'm trying to use this to explain my story, so don't think I'm bragging (my IQ is merely 135, nothing incredible)). After grade 3 my mom pulled me out of school to try to homeschool me herself, as she thought she would teach me "better" than the school was. She replaced the socialization I was getting at school with church - although with church, I was only getting three or four hours a week compared to the 30+ I'd been getting at school. Not only that, she proved to be a horrible teacher - from that point on, while I had the resources, I basically had to teach myself while she napped, watched TV, or did whatever. Everything I learned since I was eight, I've basically taught myself.

My family started breaking up (marital issues) around when I was 12. My mom and dad stopped going to church, I stopped seeing kids my age completely, and for a good deal of the time, was left at home alone with two younger brothers and two special-needs sisters we'd adopted from Bulgaria - and none of my siblings respected me or listened to a thing I said - but I got treated as if they did. I got in trouble for every mess they made (beaten a lot), and was totally stressed out for the next two years, without ever getting to talk to any friends outside the family. When my parents got divorced two years later, and my mom hated me from then on out: I look just like my dad, and for that  reason, I remind her of him. She absolutely loathes him, and so she treats me close to the same way. She hasn't said a single encouraging thing since then to me, being overly critical of everything I've done, telling me I'm irresponsible and wouldn't last a day in a real job, saying my career choices (programming, then writing, then modeling) are ridiculous and I won't be able to earn a living with them ("especially with your skills, that looks like a program  I would've seen in the 80's"), etc. You get the idea. My mom absolutely loves that I'm doing her job as the parent, though, and has done absolutely everything in her power to ensure I can't leave home, and has even said as much - "There's nothing wrong with going to college when you're 40."

So, I've been a "parent" to my siblings since I was 12, I haven't seen anyone my age in person since then, I've never even hugged a girl, and every relationship I've had has been purely online (which makes me losing my fiancée a few days ago look even more pathetic (she was going to visit me for the first time this summer, but now... yeah.)). I have no phone and I have a laptop with Internet capabilities only because I saved up for it myself from scrounging - and she wouldn't even let me out of the house buy it myself (I was 19). I can't get out of the house because the nearest town is 15 miles away, no money, no method of transportation (my mom won't let me learn to drive), no local friends, no formal education, and therefore no way to get a job and finally move out - and on top of all of it, my siblings need me to act as the parent. I'm 23, and I turn 24 on the 29th, and it's been at least half a year since I've been out of the house, 12 years since I saw anyone my age, and I've had to act as a parent and take the abuse of my mother for all that time.

So, yes. I get the abusive parent thing. It sucks. It seriously does, and all I can say is, stay strong and keep hoping. That's all you can really do. Believe in yourself. Not just anyone could make it as far as you have, and that means you're awesome. I know it may not sound like much now, but the important thing is that you don't give up. Don't let her win. Be strong, man. It sucks like hell, but you can get through this. Don't stop hoping.

she... she doesn't let you out of the house? Jesus christ, man, you sound like a hostage! I'm sorry, but by the sounds of it she'll keep you there until she's dead.