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[hector13]

Spoiler: don't know what to do, makes me feel sick (click to show/hide)

A certain family member is mentally ill and was advised to get a dog for the emotional benefits and exercise. He bought an unwanted 1-2 year old Staffie from a neighbour 5-6 years ago.

They said she was already house trained, but she didn't seem to be. He aims to take her out three times a day: some time after he gets up (12pm to 7pm), once at 12am, and before bed (after it gets light the next day). About half the time he misses the last walk and sometimes the first. Most days he gets woken up by guests before 7pm he'll more than likely fall to sleep before the final walk. Twice for about a month at a time he's taken her out like clockwork and each time she's stopped going indoors except when he leaves her to go food shopping.

As a result of sporadic and closely spaced walks she goes to the toilet in the house most days. Excrement is picked up immediately, but puddles of urine are often left to evaporate. The house smells, but he claims not to notice it I guess because he lives with it all the time. If you sit on his sofa you end up smelling of pee. A number of family friends have complained to me about it; They won't complain to him for fear of upsetting him because of his illness.

When he first got her each walk was about 0.7 miles in 20-25 minutes around a local field. Now it's down to the end of the road and back 0.4 miles in just over 10 minutes. She seldom gets to run like she used to. This strikes me as too little exercise. She is always acting out which is a common sign of frustration from an underexercised dog.

A few times now she's needed to see the vet. Without fail it takes many months before he goes. It takes a number of family members twisting his arm into going. He finds it hard enough to motivate himself to do things he enjoys.

I'm left unsure what to do. If I mention it he claims I'm exagerating, but I'm not the only one to notice. He is affectionate with her and it would destroy him if anything happened to her. At the same time he neglects to live up to his basic responsibilities. He wants to do right by her, but after nearly 6 years it doesn't seem to be happening. I've considered contacting the animal welfare people, but it would destroy our relationship and other family and friends would likely take sides.

Haven't got anyone who I can talk about this with. I thought writing it all out would help, but it hasn't .

That is badly caring for a dog.
But there is much, much worse out there.

She's fed enough, she is exercised at least twice a day, and she's obviously loved.

I'd say that whilst he's lapsing and letting his laziness impact on his care of the dog, he's coming out worse than she is.

Depends how you look at it, but I'm a little biased. (my wife is a vet, and someone I know has severe depression )

I would suggest trying to diplomatically tell him he's not looking after the dog properly. They do require a lot of exercise (and other stimulation, depending on the breed) and it's obviously not good if she requires attention from a vet and he's unable to take her. It's up to you whether or not you want to use the threat of animal welfare, either by suggesting someone might notice he's not caring for the dog properly, or straight up telling him you'll call them.

If the mental illness is depression, especially if it's only mild-moderate, going for a longer walk with the dog might make him feel better. I can only go on my own experience with that, and the occasional walk makes me feel better, but obviously everyone is different. What works for me may not work for others. Should you have the time, you can suggest accompanying him a few times just so he has someone with him. You will need to be somewhat persistent though, changing someone's habits is quite difficult. Is there anything, outside of habit, stopping him taking the dog out in the wee small hours, before he goes to bed?

It's good that you're considering other's reactions to what you might do, but I can't imagine living in urine is very healthy for him, as well as the dog's lack of stimulation.

[Helgoland]

Seems like the dog isn't doing him much good - is he on medication? That can help a lot. Speaking from experience here.
Otherwise, could someone else perhaps take the dog for a walk if your relative forgets? A neighbor, or nearby family member, maybe?

Or just get the do housebroken. Your relative can still do the walks, but it won't be strictly necessary.

[MaximumZero]

I've apparently lost a whole lot of weight over the past couple of weeks and I didn't even notice =/

I am also losing weight, even though I haven't changed anything. I wonder where it's going?
Note: this is not a sad for me, but I'm overweight, unlike Vector.

[Dutchling]

Note: this is not a sad for me, but I'm overweight, unlike Vector.

TIL that people editing (presumably only the latest) post in a thread makes it show up in New Replies again.

[MagmaMcFry]

As far as I've seen, it doesn't work like that; I've stumbled over quite a few edits I didn't see using the new replies page.

[Dutchling]

As far as I've seen, it doesn't work like that; I've stumbled over quite a few edits I didn't see using the new replies page.

But I saw MZ's post both pre and post edit and I only ever use the new replies function...

[Iceblaster]

Spoiler: Ranting >_> (click to show/hide)

I really wish I felt more comfortable talking to my parents...

I really wish I didn't tell myself they'd pass anything I say off as horomonal when the other side of me says they'd listen because they love me but no. I apparently have this irrational fear of talking to them without feeling like I'm a stranger.

Hell, even just normal conversation I'm afraid. Afraid to offend or even slightly hurt their feelings. They probably don't notice anything or they notice it and they're not mentioning it.

Hell, my parents themselves said to tell them if I wanted to talk, but I'm oh so sure they'd feel peachy when their loving son says 'I'm just not sure if I completely believe in God' because that's great right? I'm sure they'd be peachy if their son just simply says, 'I just don't understand why I feel this way' because who doesn't love a depressed teenager who is pretty much the opposite of what you thought he was...

* Iceblaster sighs

As always with my posts here, just know some of this may be exaggerated...

[Vector]

I've apparently lost a whole lot of weight over the past couple of weeks and I didn't even notice =/

I am also losing weight, even though I haven't changed anything. I wonder where it's going?
Note: this is not a sad for me, but I'm overweight, unlike Vector.

In my case, presumably depression keeping me on a diet of something like 300-600 kcal per day, tops.  I'm pretty sure I'm anemic, and I've been having problems with feeling lightheaded and having my extremities tingling.

Time to go to the doctor~

[Bauglir]

... That'll do it! If I only had any idea of where you lived, I'd order you a pizza every so often. The one time in history that wouldn't be a prank.

[LordSlowpoke]

and that is the story of how bay12 began running a pizza parlor

at least there are no ultracapitalist fairies involved

yet

[Vattic]

That is badly caring for a dog.
But there is much, much worse out there.

She's fed enough, she is exercised at least twice a day, and she's obviously loved.

I'd say that whilst he's lapsing and letting his laziness impact on his care of the dog, he's coming out worse than she is.

I've thought similar myself, but should this be the measure?

Depends how you look at it, but I'm a little biased. (my wife is a vet, and someone I know has severe depression )

I would suggest trying to diplomatically tell him he's not looking after the dog properly. They do require a lot of exercise (and other stimulation, depending on the breed) and it's obviously not good if she requires attention from a vet and he's unable to take her. It's up to you whether or not you want to use the threat of animal welfare, either by suggesting someone might notice he's not caring for the dog properly, or straight up telling him you'll call them.

If the mental illness is depression, especially if it's only mild-moderate, going for a longer walk with the dog might make him feel better. I can only go on my own experience with that, and the occasional walk makes me feel better, but obviously everyone is different. What works for me may not work for others. Should you have the time, you can suggest accompanying him a few times just so he has someone with him. You will need to be somewhat persistent though, changing someone's habits is quite difficult. Is there anything, outside of habit, stopping him taking the dog out in the wee small hours, before he goes to bed?

It's good that you're considering other's reactions to what you might do, but I can't imagine living in urine is very healthy for him, as well as the dog's lack of stimulation.

Unfortunately it's been going on so long that if I say anything he thinks I'm just having a go at him "like usual". He's always responded badly to anything he even thinks is criticism (frequently overhearing conversations and thinking they are about him). There are only a couple of people who can give advice that puts him in a bad light. This is more than likely a result of his illness.

A day or so back I mentioned that I was concerned he isn't coping and have considered contacting the local animal welfare people and he just shrugged his shoulders, said I was exaggerating the problem, and said he'd not missed a walk all week. This is not the case as I spent the last week round his and he'd missed one the day before, and more before that. After I said this he refused to say anything else.

The main thing stopping him taking her out before he goes to bed is that he is determined to take her out after sunrise but falls to sleep. The main reason he falls to sleep is that one day he'll stay up untill midday the next day, get woken by friends or health workers (who come round like clockwork), then having had only a few hours of sleep be unable to stay up. This repeats. It also means he misses his meds which leaves him spaced for a few days where he'll miss even more walks and even feed her at erratic times.

I'm not easily able to go with him so early and nobody else is around to do it. I'm nervous to go out of my way to do it as previously I was going out on longer midnight walks with him and a friend of ours. On nights I was unable or unwilling he'd refuse to go on the longer walk. A few people present pointed out that he was essentially blackmailing me and this stopped, but so did the longer walks. Also see the paragraph bellow for more.

Seems like the dog isn't doing him much good - is he on medication? That can help a lot. Speaking from experience here.
Otherwise, could someone else perhaps take the dog for a walk if your relative forgets? A neighbor, or nearby family member, maybe?

Or just get the do housebroken. Your relative can still do the walks, but it won't be strictly necessary.

The dog has done him good, he went from no exercise to some and his mood is better. He is on medication and they are in some ways part of the problem: they help generally, but make him more lethargic.

Ignoring how she pees immediately if he leaves her alone she is house broken if she gets out enough. A while after he first got her I would drop by after a night shift and walk her to help out. Knowing I would he started only taking her out once and lied about it. I was missing sleep to do this and could only do it on the days I did nights. As a result she ended up getting out less overall and so I stopped. It's difficult because he keeps nocturnal hours and everybody is busy when they'd need to be filling the gaps.

Thanks for the advice. It's helped some.

Oh joy: time for work.

[Helgoland]

What sort of meds, if you don't mind me asking - an SSRI? Switching to a different medication might work wonders for him. I was on Venlafaxine (an SNRI) for a while, and while it didn't really help, it didn't make me all sleepy and unable to work. Then I switched to mirtazapine (an SSRI), and pretty much slept through a whole semester. These are ugly substances.

What does his doctor say? (Again, only answer if you're comfortable with it~)

[LordSlowpoke]

so this guy seems gone

i liked this guy

rip this guy

;_;

[Mr. Strange]

Weird? I hope not, he's been very entertaining for lurker like me.

I noticed in that LP from LordBucket he's interested in +science+, so maybe some related thread or forum game (Arcanum anyone?) will hopefully draw him in eventually.

Sad thread contribution: there will never be Arcanum 2.

[Descan]

Eh, he's probably Swiss.