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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9426656 times)

SalmonGod

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70050 on: February 10, 2014, 10:52:10 pm »

What are you guys even saying?  You're not loaded down with responsibilities that drastically hinder you from pursuing whatever the hell you want.  There is no "could have done" in your life yet.  Go do whatever you set your mind to.

Sadly, my parents feel I owe them a lucrative mind-numbing career, traditional--but also joyful and quirky (manic-pixie dream) husband, and babies.  No, my parents don't own me, but there's nothing quite like being shouted at because as they say, maybe they'd decide they wanted to be paid for tuition after all and I really need to be making $80,000 a year in case that happens.

It's stressful, it's exhausting, and it makes everything five times harder than it needs to be.  I'd love to know who I could have been in a different situation.

Yeah, I understand you face major difficulties.  Few people don't.  Just understand that until you find yourself deep into a career + husband and babies, you still have the hypothetical freedom to pick up and take your life wherever you want.  I know that doing so is much easier said than done, but at least it's reasonably possible if you're determined.
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MaximumZero

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70051 on: February 10, 2014, 11:06:36 pm »

What are you guys even saying?  You're not loaded down with responsibilities that drastically hinder you from pursuing whatever the hell you want.  There is no "could have done" in your life yet.  Go do whatever you set your mind to.
Yup. You're mostly free to do whatever the hell you want until you get married and/or have kids. After that, you are seriously tied to your position, unless something goes terribly wrong. Hell, I legally can't move farther than 100 miles from my ex, or out of state, until I get full custody of my kid, and that's much, much easier said than done.
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Frumple

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70052 on: February 10, 2014, 11:15:13 pm »

Huh. Even if you surrender custody? I mean, I know you'd still have to do child support, but I wasn't aware there was a geographic limit on that so long as the money kept coming in. Had at least one family member that was still paying support from overseas for a while. Different state(s), different situation, but still.

S'far as I'm aware, though, that hypothetical "cut ties and dip" still exists once you've got kids/marriage/etc. You'd just have to dump those, too. Adoption, divorce, bankruptcy, walk. Notably more serious consequences, but the "hypothetical" is still there. There's also the "eat the jail time and walk off" option. I've known a few (utter bastards, to be honest, but still) folks that have done that.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 11:17:16 pm by Frumple »
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MaximumZero

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70053 on: February 10, 2014, 11:21:17 pm »

Huh. Even if you surrender custody?
Not going to happen. My ex has turned into a horrible wretch. Does a lot of really bad shit, and is associated with some really bad people, and CPS/DHS/The State won't do a damned thing about it, no matter how many times I call. She's being neglected, lives in a dangerous neighborhood, and is surrounded by people who either ignore or constantly berate her. Hey, that sounds like my childhood, and my childhood sucked. Constant abuse turned me into a violent psychopath, and then into a hardass, smarmy, loner, constantly depressed jerk.

I will not leave her behind. She doesn't deserve that.
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Frumple

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70054 on: February 10, 2014, 11:42:35 pm »

@ MZ: Yeah, personal inclination and whatnot does tend to nix the hypothetical when it's brought into the practical. Which is usually good -- as you say, the kid doesn't deserve it*, and you're definitely a better person for sticking around. But that doesn't actually cut it out as an option. You'd be a terrible person if you did cut and run, and she'd be a lot worse off, but... you could. Only thing stopping you is the (primarily social/interpersonal, in your case) cost. Same hypothetical sense that SG brought up.

Just like Vec or m'self or whoever could dump family/current situation/whatever and dip. Consequences and results likely not (nearly) as heavy, on a personal level or otherwise, but it's the same sort of thing, through and through. When bridges burn, things are on fire, regardless of whether it's a big fire or little.

*Cousin of mine's actually been fighting a pretty damn similar situation for several years now. Mostly got the other parent out of the picture, but...

@Nax: It can, yeah. But keep at it. Give it a good go, swap counselors if you need to. It can be a tremendous aid, once you find the right person to help you, but definitely getting that initial time and effort investment is (one of) the hardest parts.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70055 on: February 10, 2014, 11:47:52 pm »

That's not really the same thing. Vector's psycho parents and her would both be able to live their lives if they diverged. Mini-Z is still a child, she needs MZ.
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Frumple

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70056 on: February 10, 2014, 11:58:34 pm »

Needs a guardian, which may or may not necessitate MZ (MZ definitely thinks so, and good for him.). S'why I mentioned adoption, up above. See foisting the kid on grandparents/relatives/etc. happen pretty often, too. Not good juju, but it's definitely the same "cut ties and to hell with it" concept.
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Pnx

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70057 on: February 11, 2014, 12:31:23 am »

I'm really not feeling optimistic about my test tomorrow. I'm really not feeling confident about it, I mean I seem to be pretty good about most of the material, but arc length, and by extension the surface area stuff are giving me serious trouble, and this test seriously covers quite a wide variety of material.

In addition I really didn't get as much of the extra credit work as I would have liked.

Also immediately after the math test, I have to start prepping for the psych test. Which is also something I'm not hugely confident about, I mean I think I know the material fairly well, but I really don't know what to expect in terms of the test itself, the study guide feels a little vague...

I've also had basically five or six anxiety nightmares over the past few days, mostly about school stuff, which is really not helping me. Also headaches, lots of headaches, I think I'm developing a large one right now, and somehow with these things in mind I have to get a decent night's sleep, get up extra early so I can hopefully meet with classmates (if the right people show up this time), and try to study some more. Blegh.
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Mr Space Cat

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70058 on: February 11, 2014, 01:08:22 am »

For the record, I'd like to apologize for any and all stupid "foot-in-mouth" moments where I did or said some stupid shit--either previously or in future moments of poor judgement. Just in case anyone cares. Sorry that I can be a bit of a dumbass. I'd try not to be, believe me.

...Also, I apologize I'm a part of this forum. Probably seems silly, but sometimes I really feel like I'm a total jackass who totally doesn't belong on some group thing like this. I'm just a snarky negative introverted socially-awkward idiot who contributes nothing really to anything really. If I actually did contribute something I'd probably be happy about that. Instead I just regret everything I did do and everything I didn't choose to do, and everything I didn't do perfectly or didn't finish or didn't even try to do, or anything. My bad. I apologize for everything, really. Maybe I'm part Canadian? Ha, snark. Is that racism?

So, anyway. There's some sads. Just wanted to get this off my chest, I guess. Probably gonna regret this post too, fun. Stupid emotions.
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LordSlowpoke

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70059 on: February 11, 2014, 01:12:04 am »

Quote
sometimes I really feel like I'm a total jackass who totally doesn't belong on some group thing like this. I'm just a snarky negative introverted socially-awkward idiot who contributes nothing really to anything really. If I actually did contribute something I'd probably be happy about that. Instead I just regret everything I did do and everything I didn't choose to do, and everything I didn't do perfectly or didn't finish or didn't even try to do, or anything.

* LordSlowpoke slaps

join the club

one of the requirements is slapping each other when they start getting apologetic about it

* LordSlowpoke slaps HARDER

seriously though you're not the only one

one of the "i don't even belong here" parts is that i rarely share my actual sads and just end up snipping them or editing the post to be something else entirely which is vaguely sad so i guess whoever's working towards that is doing well
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SalmonGod

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70060 on: February 11, 2014, 01:18:50 am »

Same hypothetical sense that SG brought up.

Never got to properly finish my last post, because my responsibilities were almost literally screaming for fucking attention  ::)

Yeah... you're right that the principle is the same, and I was going to pre-emptively acknowledge that.  The thing is, though, that I think it's a topic where perspective on orders of magnitude is important.  Pursuing any manner of change in one's own life will always involve sacrifice of some kind, and that weighs on everyone.

But it's hard to appreciate the potential to become whoever you want to be without having to make sacrifices that will leave you feeling like a wretched creature for the rest of your life, until those potentials are gone.

In other words, I thought my circumstances were pretty confining when I was in my late teens/early twenties.  Then in my mid-twenties, I nearly killed myself straining against my circumstances to do things that would have been easy a few years earlier, when I was too busy convincing myself that my circumstances were too confining to do what I really wanted.

And not that I'm saying anyone doesn't work hard, especially Vector.  Gods no.  Just that perspective is essential to convincing oneself to do the right work, and expend less energy doing so.
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In the land of twilight, under the moon
We dance for the idiots
As the end will come so soon
In the land of twilight

Maybe people should love for the sake of loving, and not with all of these optimization conditions.

mastahcheese

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70061 on: February 11, 2014, 02:05:52 am »

Today hasn't been fun. Well, at least not much towards the later part of the day.

After I woke up, I took my wife to the eye doctor (whatever the heck their official title is.) I got a little lost on the way there, but it wasn't bad. The reason she went there is because, on top of everything else, she has now found out that she has cataracts. The doctor said he has no idea as to where they came from, because she's still young. So they're talking about doing some (what they call minor) surgery to remove it and add in some little lens thing that should also hopefully help with her bad vision as well. That sounds like a good plan.
For whatever reason, he was talking like he thinks that it'd be best to only do the worst eye, and leave the other one as it is. That makes no sense to me, as he even admitted that the other eye would continue to get worse, and would also need the same surgery in a year or two anyway. My wife wants to just get it done and over with, so it's rather annoying that they only want to do one. Hopefully we can convince them to take care of both of them.

After that, with my wife's eyes super dilated and practically blind, we continued to drive around and take care of other people's crap like we usually do. Overall, that wasn't really particularly bad, just stressful. Made sure that my Grandfather-in-law remember to turn the stove back off. He forgot. Again. At least it didn't start a fire or anything. But overall, again, not so bad, but it took pretty much all day, and it ended up getting really freaking cold again, so I started feeling sick, and just wanting to go home and get some rest, but we still had more stuff to do.

Some backstory so that the last part makes sense, as to why I'm sad today. A while back ago, my wife's step-dad moved down to where we live so he could be closer to us, or so we thought at the time, now we're sure that we had nothing to do with it. Anyway, back when my wife was first diagnosed with cancer, he never took a damn thing seriously, and pretty much acted like it didn't exist, which really ticked us off. Just a short while later, we found out that he'd been secretly getting alcohol, and drinking it when he thought nobody was watching. Personally, I don't really care that much about it, but my mother-in-law made a huge fit about it, and when he started complaining about this, he mentioned that the whole reason he left where he was living earlier was because people wouldn't let him do what he wanted. Nothing to do with us at all. So then when we brought this up to him, he left, to go back to where he came from, while me and my wife were still reeling from the diagnosis she had gotten. I'm sure my wife still cared about him, being her step-dad, but personally, as far as I cared, he could go rot in a hole.

Back to today, now. He's been back for a few days now, likely kicked out for the same thing, and just hopping between whoever is willing to take care of him until they get fed up, and he'll hop to the next person. So he's been living with my mother-in-law, despite the fact that he's paid for his own apartment. Not sure what happened over there today, but all of the sudden, in the middle of the night, he has to get out of there and over to his own place. So since literally nobody that I deal with can drive a car or even own one, other then myself, I had to do it. I'm still feeling sick from being in the cold all day, but apparently, just like every other day, that means nothing. So me and wife (we still hadn't been home since we left in the morning, so we're both freezing, but at least she can see again by this point) go over there to pick him up, and move him stuff into the car. And by "move his stuff" I mean having me haul his TV and everything else while he sits in the car doing nothing, whining about the cold when he hasn't been outside for more than 30 seconds. So I get back to the car, and my wife mentions that it's pretty messed up that nobody even bothered to offer to help me (she can't help me herself because of the cancer, she can hardly put her jacket on some days, let alone carry someone's crap around). So then we drive over to his apartment, and for once he actually gets out, and starts moving his stuff himself, whining and crying the entire time about his arms hurting (he's done a total of jack shit the entire day, and has no problem at all taking care of himself). So, being the nice person that I am, I offer to help him, and he says that he "doesn't want to hear anymore bitching". We've done absolutely nothing but be nice to this sack of shit, and all he ever does is whine and gripe about every damn thing. I didn't even get a "thanks" for hauling his fat ass around.

In fact, this is pretty much how my normal day goes, me and my wife spend the whole day that I'm not at work driving everybody around, because nobody will ever get their own car, or ever do anything for themselves. My day normally consists of me waking up, going to work, and then, once I get off work, I have enough time to go home and get changed out of my uniform before I'm right back out, doing shit for everyone else. (sometimes I literally don't even get to go home to get changed) I even carry people's groceries and bags for them. I do literally everything, while everyone whines and cries about every little damn thing they can possibly think of. By the time I'm back home, I'm so tired that I can't even take care of myself, so I get on the computer and mess around on Bay12 until late at night, and then I dread waking up the next day because I'll just have to go through all this shit again, like a bad dream that doesn't end. I swear, if I didn't have my wife with me to keep me sane, I'd have probably murdered someone by now.

So right now, I'm sitting here, it's really late at night and I should really get some sleep, and my back hurts horribly and my joints keep creaking just to type this. I'm only 20, I shouldn't feel like I'm some kind of rusted machine.

I just really needed to get that rant out. I'm probably going to stay on here for a few more minutes to see if I can find some tidbit of chaos to cheer me back up, and then go to sleep and go to work.
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Yoink

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70062 on: February 11, 2014, 03:03:21 am »

And so here I am, spilling all the ridiculous crap I keep bottled up inside to an internet forum. Please don't judge me. Or do. Whatever; it couldn't make me feel a whole lot worse right now either way. I was starting to think the whole counselling thing was really helping me, but now all of a sudden it seems like stupid, patronizing childish bullshit. Auugh.

I'm seriously starting to think maybe I haven't escaped my family's tendencies towards mental illness after all... anyway I'm off to deafen myself with angry music until I either feel better or can't hear the stuff that makes me feel so bad.
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Vattic

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70063 on: February 11, 2014, 04:25:56 am »

What sort of meds, if you don't mind me asking - an SSRI? Switching to a different medication might work wonders for him. I was on Venlafaxine (an SNRI) for a while, and while it didn't really help, it didn't make me all sleepy and unable to work. Then I switched to mirtazapine (an SSRI), and pretty much slept through a whole semester. These are ugly substances.

What does his doctor say? (Again, only answer if you're comfortable with it~)
The three main ones are amisulpride, clozapine, and venlafaxine. On all but the first they were running out of things to try.

Only posting details because he's always had a policy of the whole family being open about this stuff with people.
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Helgoland

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70064 on: February 11, 2014, 07:21:22 am »

Hmmm... How many meds have been tried? What about light therapy (you mentioned he's got a Toady-like rhythm)?

Depending on how bad the depression is, there's always opiates - very effective antidepressants with comparatively few side-effects, but of course they get you addicted as hell. You probably wouldn't find a doctor willing to write the necessary prescriptions.
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