I think it's another one of those things where I feel so different from everyone else in society that I'm alienated out of it. I just feel that other people have this emotional stability that keeps them up, while I'm always getting crushed by stupid shit. Like, an example, I feel that the number of places I 'feel safe' going to is dwindling cause that's where I might bump into one of the girls I dated, or it's a place that reminds reminds me of them and thus stands in memoriam of a personal failure.
It might just be like a psychosis from highschool, where whenever I was rejected there I just could never even look them in the eye again, and I could just never cope with how to deal with it so I spent, literally, months trying to stay out of the social frame. It's something that actually crippled my grades cause in one of my math classes that I shared with one such girl, and I felt perpetually awkward and alienated to the degree where I couldn't pay attention to the teacher or my assignments, and it went on like this for what was probably months until there was like a whole committee of school admins and counselors that basically strongarmed me into telling them the truth. They HAD to strongarm me though, cause I absolutely refused to tell them what was wrong, I refused refused refused for months of what was assuaging, and then interrogation, and then duress to get me to open up, but I wouldn't, cause it was a personal failure to me, so I had to just accept the consequences personally. Telling people about my problems was, in my mind, the epitome of personal failure and I was simply too disgusting to even care about anyway. It was only when they started whipping out the legitimate threats of expulsion that I cracked and told them. I actually had to change classes cause of my petty emotional issues. You can probably tell I was a very confused and sad teenager.
And in a way, it still carries on into my adulthood as I dwell and obsess about things, and things just hit me so hard that I'm always sent reeling for weeks at a time if not more.
Another thing, maybe the reason I stopped seeing my shrink awhile ago is that he made a little comment that went like "You have to want help" or something along those lines, and I was just dwelling on that one line, cause damnit I was paying with my own money, of course I wanted fucking help. Apparently if I don't want fucking help I was just going to stop seeing him, it's not my fault if I can't fucking gear myself up to be in a cheerful mood when I'm getting shrunk.
I think the trick for you is to accept failure as ok. That's
hard, I know. Really. But accepting that failures in life are inevitable is a way that really helps with dealing with things. Because you will fail. We all do. A lot. Some are little failures, like failing to do something minor for a friend. Others are major, like having a long term relationships crumble. Or being unable to pay your bills. But it's all ok, in the end, as long as you take away something from that failure and do your best not to commit that
particular type of failure again in the future.
We learn a lot more from our mistakes than we do our successes, and mistakes and failures are part of living and growing.
Having a person reject you is awkward, pretty much always, but you've got to accept it and move on. Kind of like how you can't just give up on a game because you died/lost/had to restart. A lot of games require multiple failures and restarts and reloads to get through. Life is like that, except we're all on ironman mode and don't get any reloads.
And I don't mean to sound like this is easy and you're lame for not having it down. I never dated in high school. In fact, I've never successfully asked a girl out in my life. I have, however, had quite a few relationships grow naturally and have been married, divorced, and am engaged to be married again. And I still get along fine with all my old girlfriends and my ex-wife. It took a lot of failures and rejections along the way, but I got to the point where I was comfortable with that. A rejection is just a 'no'. It's not any deeper than that, and you can't let it effect you any worse than having someone say 'no, I'm not up for the zoo tomorrow, sorry' or anything else. Even though it feels like it should be more than that, it's really not. Takes a while for that reality to set in, though.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9790985 times)