I feel I keep having dreams stemming from my chronic loneliness. I'd call the most recent one extremely convincing, but you can convince anyone of anything if they want it badly enough: In the dream, there was an extremely old crush I had in Highschool who was aged a bit, and now my girlfriend. I wasn't the awkward shit I'm always picturing myself to be, and was just having fun with her and all my other friends. Perhaps it was real easy to tell it was a dream, even while dreaming, cause I was openly wondering to myself how I couldn't remember any time we ever spent together, and how I couldn't remember her face until I saw her in my dream, and how people in stores were just giving me things for free cause I'm s-p-e-c-i-a-l kind of made it really really obvious. But still, it was one of those dreams where it felt like real life was the nightmare that you woke up from, and the dream was the actual life.
Waking up, as always, it's like "Why aren't you dead yet?", I'm just not sure how to start up my life. My Job Coach has just given up on me, so now I'm just on my own in that aspect. I'm always getting angry over silly things. I don't want to go to sleep, cause I don't want time to skip forward to the next day. I want time to just stop.
I wish I could just follow what ordinary people do, just so I know what it's like in the shoes of someone that's not fucked up.