He kicked me out of my own goddamned friend group and is doing whatever he can to make me need him again. ... It's especially bastardly because he doesn't think the other friends I have really exist.
How exactly are both of those things possible? Even in a metaphorical sense. I don't doubt that the guy is a serious dick, but I think I'll try taking a sword to your Gordian jackass problem, and say that you may have made too big a thing of him. Your circle of friends being dysfunctional and scattered is certainly a bad thing (and believe me how I know), but how much could one guy actually have to do with that?
No, I'll explain. Those are my friends
outside of another little circle of friends I ended up in through high school. He is not at all responsible for the disorganization of the rest of my friends. He's responsible for taking over that group and systematically removing me from it, as well as using every available opportunity to mention social events with other people. Directly after that, he basically says "come [put yourself in position of weakness], and that can be yours."
Dunno. Maybe he's not being a gigantic tyrannical asshole. Maybe he's just being clueless. But what it
feels like is that he's trying to manipulate and dominate me, because under his calm and collected demeanor he's a raging control freak (fact). The sort of person who hurts people just because he can, and is obsessed with lightly touching situations so that they go off balance and destroy people. He thinks it's funny. I imagine he thinks it's especially funny because he can always find someone else to blame it on, so that he gets away with it scot-free.
See, I thought he was a garden-variety jerk--the sort of person who occasionally thinks about pushing people off their bikes and whatnot. Just a bit immature. But this guy is something else. He seems to turn every social situation he's in into some sort of dance of favoritism, where he establishes himself as a competent person and then proceeds to ignore a good number of the people he's charmed. It's all about making sure he's in power, and that he stays in power, and that any threats are eliminated.
Why does he do this? Because he's frightened and learning that he can't really cope in the adult world, so his only recourse is to do things underhandedly and screw around with others. He constantly makes promises he doesn't keep, saying empty words for a particular emotional response but withholding whatever it is due to sheer inconvenience. Burn a CD? Too inconvenient. Then he talks about burning the same CD for someone else. It's all about putting people in their place, because he has some sort of imagined hierarchy and can't stomach any deviation from it. He has some sort of notion of entitlement, where his brilliance means that he has license to treat others poorly. Furthermore, he can't stand the idea that someone else might be more brilliant and also not entirely supportive of him.
What can I say? I actually can't explain too well, because I'm a bit worked up about this mess. All I can say is that it's moved from "difficult person to deal with" to "systematically destructive, whether intentionally or not." If he's doing this out of sheer cluelessness... well, too bad for him. I've had enough.