Vector, you seem to have a knack for incensing people about things.
I... I know ._. I have an odd skill for making people want to believe whatever I'm saying or projecting at the time. I don't do it intentionally, and I don't know how it works, but it's there. Good for making people like or hate you, in any case.
Anyway, though it's probably not terribly helpful to hear, I do think you are giving him more power over your emotional state than it's worth. If I had better experience with what specifically is happening in the situation, or what's causing you to feel like you're getting caught up in a Mobius Double-Reacharound Mindscrew, I might be able to provide an unbiased outside opinion on what's going on, whether he knows what he's doing, etc. Barring that, all I can say is don't give it so much weight, confront mistruth with your friends directly and let them bring themselves to whatever realization they need to, and don't buy into whatever pettiness he may want to bring you into. you can recognize it, so harden yourself against it, and don't let it mess with your head.
Yeah, I know. Don't worry, I'll be over the main body of my anger by tomorrow morning. It's mostly that I really
wanted to give him a second chance, because ... well, to be honest, for any number of reasons. Because for a while, he assuaged that old feeling I've had of being completely alone in the world. Because, despite his difficult nature, he was also kinder to me than a good many people have ever been. Because I feel bad for him, since I can recognize something of myself in him.
In some way, I feel deprived of the privilege of complete forgiveness. As a naive and childish person, I want to forget everything and just have a good time out in the sunshine. I want it to be over with, with no need for this feeling of guardedness. I wish I could just be kind, without seeing the threads he's trying to weave me in. I wish that rather than begging for my respect, he could feel free to just be himself and slowly earn it. I give it weight because I wanted to be able to help, somehow. I was hoping that through contact with a candid and open person, he might learn gentleness. I don't want to be another woman stomping out of his life as he rationalizes the disappearance away.
He taught me a good many lessons, both positive and negative. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about trusting people, and I would have liked to have been equally helpful. If he keeps this up, he's going to be miserable later. I wish I knew how to stop it, how to protect him from himself,
something--because curse me, but I can't help loving every person I meet. I don't want to abandon the poor bastard, but I don't want to enable him either.
As for why I feel like I'm being mindscrewed... well, it's like this. He's all into game theory and mechanism design theory--i.e., the mathematics of social manipulation. I know this guy, and I know what his profile of me is. I showed him some fake buttons and he's been pushing them pretty hard.
The other thing is that if I were trying to make someone need me and be beholden to me, I'd do exactly what he's doing. I'd be supportive with one hand and undermining with the other. I'd promise "rewards" and give them only rarely, just like in the Skinner psychological experiments. I'd take away other sources of social contact and generally look like the nicest, sweetest guy on the block, except for the parts where I wasn't--so the girl in question would feel needy. She'd seek me out. She'd lean on me, she'd want me, and she'd feel like I was the best thing around (especially because I'd always be showing off my best manly attributes and putting down any contenders). I'd compliment her, get her going, and then I'd ignore her for a while, until she was hungry and attached. Keep the cycle going until she's dependent again and willing to do whatever I want in exchange for attention when I feel like giving it.
I'd invite her to some of my parties, and I'd always let her know about the things I'm not inviting her to. Because I already know she's a lonely, unhappy, unbalanced person, and a person who has a sort of pathological faith in humanity, I'd know I had her bagged from the very beginning. She'd be eating out of my hand.
Fortunately, if that's what he's thinking, he's wrong.
It's also worth saying, and keep in mind that you have more knowledge of his actions than I in regards to this suggestion, that he may not even realize his actions are sociopathic. Indeed, if he does have a level of sociopathy, than not realizing his actions hurt others could be literal, in the sense that he knows what he does and who he hurts without equating his actions to reality. He could rationalize it as a level of actions below what is truly real. Like I said, you will be able to tell if any of that is true far more than I.
No, I don't think he realizes it. As I said in some other wall of text, he sees other people as minions--his to hurt or manipulate, because they simply aren't as
good as he is. He doesn't understand why this isn't okay, or why his intelligence doesn't give his life more worth than that of other human beings. In general, I think it's that he has a thing he wants and hurting people to get it doesn't really bother him, as long as he's happy. This is especially true when it comes to negligence and inaction.
Did Vector ignore my suggestion or was there nothing to comment on? Is non-violence not an option?
Nothing to comment on... there's no way I'm going to beat this guy up >_>
BEAT THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM!
You do know it is possible for somebody who is very tough and knows how to fight to beat somebody who knows *insert exotic fighting thingy here*
"Very tough and knows how to fight." Uh-huh. I'm a 110-lb, 5'3" girl--and a colossal math nerd, at that. Not exactly what you call tops in toughness or fighting.
He'd throw me, pin me, and make it impossible for me to move without breaking my own arms in seconds flat.
*bzzzzt*
Next contender, please >_>
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9485509 times)