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[Darvi]

Spoiler: We doing this again? Sure. (click to show/hide)

•     There are six towns named Wymar in the United States.
•     More than one million stray dogs and half a million stray cats live in Wymar.
•     Wymar is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
•     Wymar can give birth ten days after being born, and is born pregnant.
•     In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Wymar in your mouth.
•     If you blow out all the candles on Wymar with one breath, your wish will come true!
•     Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by Wymar!
•     Neil Armstrong first stepped on Wymar with his left foot!
•     The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of Wymar is blue!
•     New Zealand was the first place to allow Wymar to vote!

• Still not as funny as that one place called Hell.
• Not true. One of them lives on my head.
• You've never heard of it though: too small to see.
• OH GODS WHY. *kills himself*
• I think that's rude. Pervert.
• This one is actually true. Good luck finding any, though.
• This comes up less often than you'd expect.
• I shoulda sued that blind bastard.
• They've got me confused with scriver there. I think. I haven't checked lately.
• And I'm still not exercising this right.

[BFEL]

another good one:

1.The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of politicians.
2.Fifty-two percent of Americans drink politicians.
3.In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as politicians!
4.When politicians are swallowed, they will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes!
5.Politicians can taste with their feet.
6.If politicians were life size, they would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
7.If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in politicians.
8.Politicians can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.
9.Politicians are 984 feet tall!
10.The pharoahs of ancient Egypt wore garments made with thin threads of beaten politicians!


YOU GAVE ME AN ADDICTION!

1.Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on Christians!
2.The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Christians!
3.Christians cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
4.Christians cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomach.
5.The condom - originally made from Christians - was invented in the early 1500s.
6.Contrary to popular belief, Christians are not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases they may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
7.If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Christians for the rest of the day.
8.It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be Christians.
9.Neil Armstrong first stepped on Christians with his left foot!
10.A thimbleful of Christians would weigh over 100 million tons.

HELP ME!

1.All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by Americans!
2.Ideally, Americans should be stored on their side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
3.Americans can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
4.The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention Americans.
5.When Americans are swallowed, they will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
6.Americans can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
7.Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's Americans supply!
8.It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be Americans.
9.Americans were originally green, and actually contained cocaine!
10.The difference between Americans and a village is that Americans do not have a church!

NUMBER 1 IS THE LEAST TRUE THING I HAVE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

1.The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Scientists!
2.All the moons of the Solar System are named after characters from Greek and Roman mythology, except the moons of Uranus, which are named after Scientists!
3.Birds do not sleep in Scientists, though they may rest in them from time to time!
4.In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and Scientists.
5.It is bad luck to walk under Scientists.
6.Until the 1960s, Scientists were not allowed to enter Disneyland!
7.A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Scientists!
8.Early thermometers were filled with Scientists instead of mercury.
9.You should always open Scientists at least an hour before drinking them.
10.The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Scientists.

LAST ONE IS BECAUSE GODZILLA
1.Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of nuclear power in a day.
2.The Eskimos have over fifty words for nuclear power.
3.The liquid inside nuclear power can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
4.Olive oil was used for washing nuclear power in the ancient Mediterranean world.
5.Nuclear power can last longer without water than a camel can.
6.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are nuclear power.
7.It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to nuclear power.
8.Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of nuclear power, and frequently rise to the surface for air.
9.Nuclear power cannot jump.
10.In Japan it is considered rude to talk with nuclear power in your mouth!

[Frumple]

Preeeety sure we've got a thread for this (Shit, Let's Be Spam, or that generator run that was running around at some point). If not, one could be made, haha!

[AlleeCat]

The most dangerous form of Allee is the bicycle.
Scientists have discovered that Allee can smell the presence of autism in children.
The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than Allee, and 400 times smaller!
Allee has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean!
Alleeology is the study of Allee.
Allee is the last letter of the Greek alphabet!
If you drop Allee from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
Allee is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes!
Some birds use Allee to orientate themselves during migration!
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Allee.

[BFEL]

OHGODAGAIN

1.Sluts became extinct in England in 1486.
2.Women shoplift four times more frequently than sluts!
3.The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of sluts is blue.
4.Sluts were banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
5.Four-fifths of the surface of sluts is covered in water!
6.India tested its first nuclear sluts in 1974.
7.Finding sluts on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.
8.Sluts can not regurgitate.
9.There are more than two hundred different kinds of sluts.
10.Ideally, sluts should be stored on their side at a temperature of 55 degrees.

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? I CANT STAHP!

1.While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their children.
2.Children can't drink - they absorbs water from their surroundings by osmosis!
3.In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become children on New Year's Day.
4.Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing children.
5.About one tenth of children are permanently covered in ice.
6.During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear children had to pay a special children tax.
7.Children once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest!
8.If you toss children 10000 times, they will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because their head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom.
9.The only planet that rotates on its side is children.
10.The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of children is blue!

OBAMA
1.The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only Obama.
2.Obama is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
3.Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of Obama in a day.
4.Women shoplift four times more frequently than Obama.
5.Obama cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in his stomach!
6.Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat Obama'!
7.The pupil of an octopus's eye is shaped like Obama!
8.By tradition, a girl standing under Obama cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.
9.Obamaomancy is the art of telling the future with Obama!
10.The most dangerous form of Obama is the bicycle.

TOADY ONE!
1.Toady One can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak.
2.The only Englishman to become Toady One was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Toady One from 1154 to 1159!
3.Toady Oneicide is the killing of Toady One.
4.Toady One can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time!
5.More people are killed by Toady One each year than die in aeroplane accidents.
6.Toady One kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
7.A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as Toady One.
8.The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on Toady One.
9.Toady Oneomancy is the art of telling the future with Toady One.
10.In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Toady One is 10:1.

THIS IS GETTING REALLY BAD
1.Finding vagina on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck!
2.Czar Paul I banished vagina to Siberia for marching out of step!
3.The only Englishman to become vagina was Nicholas Breakspear, who was vagina from 1154 to 1159.
4.If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into vagina.
5.Vagina is the sacred animal of Thailand!
6.Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw vagina into a volcano it would stop erupting.
7.Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into vagina.
8.Astronauts get taller when they are in vagina.
9.The deepest part of vagina is over 35,000 feet deep.
10.Native Americans never actually ate vagina; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness.

Obligatory
1.Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled penis!
2.Penis cannot jump!
3.Abraham Lincoln, who invented penis, was the only US president ever granted a patent!
4.Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on penis.
5.If you put a drop of liquor on penis, it will go mad and sting itself to death.
6.Ostriches stick their heads in penis not to hide but to look for water.
7.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are penis.
8.The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of penis is blue.
9.Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than penis.
10.Over half of Americans are officially penis.

[Neyvn]

So for some reason I got into a part of youtube filled with Americans attempting to eat Vegemite...
Don't know what it is??? Vegemite is an Australian food that has the concept of being Death in a Jar by foreigners.
Why? BECAUSE YOU BE STUPID...
Why? Because for some reason the first thing that I see in EVERY single one of these videos is them getting a huge hunk of the stuff and expecting to be able to eat it like Nutella or something like that, I guess its cause they think that it looks the same or something, BUT, the amount they always consume in these vids is like OVERKILL to the MAX...

There was one video where you see him spread it on thinly, I am thinking, good he might know how to.... no wait. 2 seconds after that scene it shows him having COVERED the bread in Vegemite to the point that you can't even see the bread, ffs...
Though I did see a fella do it thin thin thin, but at the same time, not enough butter for a beginner.

Cracked me up and now latenight munchies are asking for Vegemite sandwich, scuse me...

[RedKing]

Well duh....how the hell are we supposed to know that just because it looks like some kind of chocolate/peanut butter spread type thingy, it's actually more like the stuff you'd scrape out of the bottom of a beer barrel??

I had the same experience, slathered it on a piece of bread, took a bite, immediately thought "OH GOD WHYYYYYYY" 

[Neyvn]

Well duh....how the hell are we supposed to know that just because it looks like some kind of chocolate/peanut butter spread type thingy, it's actually more like the stuff you'd scrape out of the bottom of a beer barrel??

I had the same experience, slathered it on a piece of bread, took a bite, immediately thought "OH GOD WHYYYYYYY" 

Well I won't lie, as a Purebreed Aussie mine is quite thick, though the trick is to have something mild with it such as cheese or a good amount of butter melted into the toast. But the smell should be your first major clue. I mean COME ON, the smell isn't sweet at all, even peanutbutter has a sweet smell (though I don't like it myself)...

Sweet smells encourage you to have a lot of it, while a salty smell says less is best. Think Anchovies or Salami or even tablesalt. You just know those foods are better with less then more due to their scent, but for some reason when it comes to Vegemite, people just throw that out the window because we Aussies eat it, so it must be like the spreads we use right...

[Gunner-Chan]

Sweet smells encourage you to have a lot of it, while a salty smell says less is best.

This sounds exactly the reverse of how I actually feel about toppings and flavors.

[Neyvn]

Sweet smells encourage you to have a lot of it, while a salty smell says less is best.

This sounds exactly the reverse of how I actually feel about toppings and flavors.

Damnit Janet!!!

[Arx]

Sweet smells encourage you to have a lot of it, while a salty smell says less is best.

This sounds exactly the reverse of how I actually feel about toppings and flavors.

So you eat Vegemite with a spoon?

[Flying Dice]

I'm with Janet on this one. Can't stand most sweets, but salty, spicy, and generally flavorful things are to be consumed whenever possible. Like horseradish mustard.

[Gunner-Chan]

Oh no, I like sweets. But sweets that you spread I prefer in moderation.

[Darvi]

Sweet smells encourage you to have a lot of it, while a salty smell says less is best.

This sounds exactly the reverse of how I actually feel about toppings and flavors.

So you eat Vegemite with a spoon?

I don't, but I eat glitter with my fingers.

[Zan Oltaridor]

What in the fuck is this?