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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 788409 times)

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12750 on: July 08, 2018, 02:33:46 pm »

"I will consider the Wizards' warning."

"Very good." The owl then flaps its wings and takes off into the night sky at the speed that should be not possible to any bird, let alone an owl.

1182 AD, Late Summer

Sorceress Cortana Tigereye is here! Riding her devilish fire-breathing dog, she leads her entourage of grotesque steel flamingos and slugbears, all chained and leashed by the hairy cyclopi. This horrific cavalcade enters through the gate, and then straight into your audience room, the monsters eyeing your servants and growling, only to be whipped by the cyclopi.

The Sorceress, a dark-skinned beauty with sapphire-blue hair and golden eyes, dismounts from her dog whole sprawls on the floor, its rear paws sprawled backwards and its tail wagging happily as acidic drool drips from its maw, sizzling on the stones.

"I am Cortana Tigereye, Lady of the Hammer of the Brightest Star, Mistress of the East, Conqueror of Shazalam and Captor of Ar'kut the Creator. I have heard that this petty kingdom is in need of Sorceress' services, so here I came, readily offering my magic for your wealth. What it is that interests you this time, Empress Ruberta?"

A) Ask for an artifact... (details to follow)
B) Ask for a spell that will scare fanciful creatures away from the kingdom's borders.
C) Ask for prosperity and growth for the Kingdom and its populace.
D) Ask for a mighty beast to be bound as your pet/mount/guardian/something like that.
E) Ask for wisdom about many things.
F) Ask for skills of elite battlemaster.
G) Ask for charisma and silvertongue.
H) Ask for endurance and better health.
I) -
J) Ask for a spell that will make your soldiers stronger.
K) Ask for health and prosperity for your family.
L) Politely explain that you must refuse her services, because of certain, owl-related, reasons.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12751 on: July 08, 2018, 02:43:15 pm »

A - An artefact that protects a large area of orc world from the toxic death storm would be nice.
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Rockeater

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12752 on: July 08, 2018, 02:46:52 pm »

L do we really want to handle this wizards business?
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Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
Also, don't forget to contact your local Eldritch Being(s), so that they can help with our mission to destroy the universe.

Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12753 on: July 08, 2018, 02:48:40 pm »

L

It would be cool to get an artifact, but, I think maybe it's best to leave off for now, sadly.
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12754 on: July 08, 2018, 02:52:49 pm »

A - An artefact that protects a large area of orc world from the toxic death storm would be nice.
+1
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Science is Meta gaming IRL. Humans are cheating fucks.

Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12755 on: July 08, 2018, 02:53:40 pm »

A Angering a sorceress by telling her to leave would be unwise.
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12756 on: July 08, 2018, 02:58:46 pm »

A
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12757 on: July 08, 2018, 03:01:09 pm »

A Angering a sorceress by telling her to leave would be unwise.

...Actually, killing off Ruberta here might be a pretty wise play. Happiness and Authority is high. We could likely crown King Cyl as the next Emperor of Methiant and face little risk of pushback from our citizens. Of course, if she is more creative in her wrath, we could be in trouble.

That said, I'm torn down the middle on this one. I really want to fix Orc World, and I suspect that Ruberta may soon get another title for her Sorceress dealings and/or artifact collecting, which would bring her closer to 'The Great' status. Don't particularly care to find out what will happen if the Ice the owl speaks of breaks though.

...I'm 50/50 here. Gonna have to abstain for now.
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ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12758 on: July 08, 2018, 03:01:19 pm »

A and no more sorceress, just dorfs
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birdy51

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12759 on: July 08, 2018, 03:02:26 pm »

L

HEED THE WORDS OF HOOOOOOT!
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BIRDS.

Also started a Let's Play, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses

TankKit

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12760 on: July 08, 2018, 03:07:55 pm »

A
Don't want to risk pissing her off, I'm sure that the wizards will understand.
Now, what would be good for an artifact this time? Any ideas?
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“I would stop you from doing unholy experiments with my people, but I don’t actually care about their well-being and I kinda want to see what happens”

Spoken like a true god TankKit.

vastaghen12

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12761 on: July 08, 2018, 03:09:15 pm »

A
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12762 on: July 08, 2018, 03:12:17 pm »

A
Don't want to risk pissing her off, I'm sure that the wizards will understand.
Now, what would be good for an artifact this time? Any ideas?

The reason I initially suggested the Sorceress was to ask for something to end the Orc World Poison Storms.

If her powers cannot affect other worlds, I'd say our second choice should be something to boost our reproductive health and fertility, so we can get back to babymaking. Children are fragile, and our entire plan for absorbing Cydwyl falls to shit if something happens to Prince Doge and we don't have a backup son.
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TankKit

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12763 on: July 08, 2018, 03:40:15 pm »

The reason I initially suggested the Sorceress was to ask for something to end the Orc World Poison Storms.

If her powers cannot affect other worlds, I'd say our second choice should be something to boost our reproductive health and fertility, so we can get back to babymaking. Children are fragile, and our entire plan for absorbing Cydwyl falls to shit if something happens to Prince Doge and we don't have a backup son.
Sounds good to me. We have been playing the long diplomatic route of conquest with Cydwyl quite a while after all, the more precautions the better.
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“I would stop you from doing unholy experiments with my people, but I don’t actually care about their well-being and I kinda want to see what happens”

Spoken like a true god TankKit.

mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Empress Ruberta I of Methiant!
« Reply #12764 on: July 08, 2018, 04:44:15 pm »

K

I don't trust the sorceress artifact we have not to do something terrible each time we use it. (Come on, we asked an evil magic user for a mind control device.)
The death of Rinilda and the well-being of her family is surely weighing on Ruberta's mind.
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