1 Granite 319Hey, so I was just lookin' around this place when that one dude (the dude who made me a militiadwarf, forgot my weight room – can't remember his name) comes up to me and says, "Hey you! You're in charge of the place now!" I say to him "Huh?" and then he says to me "Are you fucking dense or something? It's the end of the year, bro! We're passin' off the fort to you! It's how it's always been done!" And I was all, whoa bro, that's nuts, I'm just a rep from Ballpoint (Your Safety Is Our Businesstm), but then he just threw this bigass book at me and left! Fuckin' insane, man! Told me I have to run this mess for a year and keep a record in this book here! Which, sure, whatever, I'm game, but my boss is gonna get SO pissed if this messes with my work! And if MY BOSS is pissed, then I'M pissed!
Still, nothing I can do about it, and I have the run of the place for the next year! Tons of fuckin' crazy-ass monsters running around the place... gonna get some RESEARCH up in this shit! Gonna do some SCIENCE!!!
First bit of RESEARCH I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna RESEARCH whether my inquirisition about the weight room has been attendinated.
RESEARCH has concluded cuncluedid, and I'm gettin' some promising results here. Just need a few more Bodyworkstm PumpMasterstm (patent pending) in there and we're ready to get ripped. Fuckin' sweet. These kickass statues are super fucking motivational:
Hear they modelled the arms after mine. Fuckin' fine taste right there. Guns for fucking miles here, bro! Fucking yeah![there is a crude drawing of a stick figure with enormous, incongruously-detailed arms (anatomy is surprisingly-correct), captioned "
#1 TRICEPS DUDE!!!!!"]
Did some more RESEARCH -- terrible results, bro! Found out there's no fucking metal ore anywhere! Can't make dumbbells out of wood and rocks, dude! Gonna dig a hole down from the barracks, hopefully find some iron to pump:
Gonna also expand the barracks. Can't even shake a sword in there! ...Kinda looks a bit empty to me too. Nobody training in there. Weird.[there is a crude drawing of what is likely intended to be a dwarf in a tiny room, captioned "
TOO BUFF, DON'T FIT"]
Gonna get rid of some of this floor here – gonna put in a F.R.O.G. (trademark Ballpoint Corporation, 502BD-319, all rights reserved):
Think the dude I'm named for invented this, actually! Fuckin' awesome! I'm, like, following in his footsteps and shit!
And what the fuck, dude? The workshops are all right in our entrance, right next to the trade depot. That shit ain't safe, broskis and duderinas. Gonna have to fix that shit.
Gotta say, these dudes really need a smart dude like me right about now. Gonna show these dudes what a Ballpoint dude can do for a dude. RESEARCH!!![there is a drawing of a muscular dwarf sitting on a throne(?) wearing a crown(?), surrounded by stick figures. The crowned dwarf is saying "
GOOD THING I'M HERE DUDES"; the stick figures are responding "
THANK YOU MR FROG, YOU AND YOUR KICKASS WORKOUT TIPS ARE THE SOLE LIGHT SHINING UPON OUR DARK AND UNBEEFY EXISTENCES"]
3 Granite 319[/u]
Holy shit! There's a huge fucking cave right under the goddamn fort! Full of water and shit!
This is fucking incredible! Dunno why none of the other dwarves are surprised.
Looks like a cave toad was having a seriously rough time down here:
Too bad I didn't catch any of it. Would've been good RESEARCH.
[there is a crude drawing of a toad falling from a tower-cap, with pools of blood everywhere. A stick-figure is standing nearby writing on a clipboard.]
Haven't found any ore yet, but I gotta bottle some of that cave water. Probably full of antioxidants or natural herbal factors or some shit.
Weather here is fucking gnarly, bro:
Dunno why the other dudes are so freaked. Blood's PURE FUCKING PROTEIN, bros!
[There is a drawing of a stick figure standing in red rain with a funnel in its mouth, facing skywards, captioned "
DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS!!!"]
5 Granite 319Holy shit, AGAIN! Got ANOTHER fucking cave down here, and it's full of fucking tetrahedrite! Got an open magma pool, too! Fuckin' KICKASS!:
The other dudes are gonna be so fucking stoked! Gonna put another shaft down from the break room, see if I can get that magma shit walled off. MAGMA-POWERED WEIGHT ROOM, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
The barracks are all expanded now, so I've got everyone in there training and shit. Put some workout tips on the walls and everything. We're gonna get SO FUCKING JACKED.[There is a crude drawing of 5 extremely-muscular shirtless dwarves holding various weapons, labelled
MR FROG, TALVIENO, LEFTON, FLAME, and
MORGAN. Talvieno, Flame, and Morgan's hair are adorned with tiny ribbons outlined in pink crayon.]
8 Granite 319
Bunch of workshops sitting out in the blood PURE FUCKING PROTEIN rain. Not gonna do anything about it now – got shit to do, benches to press – but. Doesn't seem very secure and shit.11 Granite 319Holy shit, AGAIN, AGAIN!!!!! There's like, THREE fucking caves under this shit! This one's got a fuckton of corpses up in the northenly bit:
Fuckin' gnarly, dude. Have to go around it for now. But I'll definitely be back to do some MOTHER FUCKING RESEARCH.
Got some dudes yelling at me because I "put the stairs down all wrong, you great overstuffed sack of haggises!" Shit. Don't really know what "haggises" is – the dialectactions here are fuckin' hardcore – but it sounds pretty intense! Got it fixed up right away. Fuckin' on fire in here, dudes!
Shit. Got some miners up here ranting about "Adam and Tina".
Don't think I've heard of that show; just kinda smiled and nodded. Didn't know they had TV and shit here!20 Granite 319
Huh. Got a pointy-lookin' dude from Parasol comin' in. Don't know if I'm allowed to talk with him. I AM the Overseer, though, so I guess I have no choice but to hit the tavern with the dude. Fuckin' Mozzley Tarf and shit.[there is a crude drawing of a tall stick figure and a short, broad-shouldered figure, labeled "
PARASOL" and "
BALLPOINT" respectively, captioned "
BEST FUCKING FRIENDS FOREVER"]
The walls around the magma pit are almost finished. Told the miners to dig us out a forge area. MAGMA-POWERED WEIGHT ROOM, BITCHES
Miners told me I was being stupid and there was an ENTIRE FUCKING SEA OF MAGMA (HOLY SHIT, AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN) just a bit deeper down. I told the miners to take the rest of the day off, since they'd been working really fucking hard and shit. (SIDE NOTE: Find out what "haggises" is; everyone says I'm, like, a WHOLE SACK of it)28 Granite 319Fuck! Was just getting the last little bit of the wall put up, and FallacyOfUrist just fucking dashed out! Said she "needed to clean something". What the actual fuck, dude!? It's dangerous out there!
Got her back inside right away. Still, real fucking twitchy shit right there. Don't think the dude's right in the head – gonna keep an eye on her for her own safety and shit.[There is a drawing of a stick figure, with another stick figure with wings floating above them, captioned "
I'M A GUARDIAN FUCKING BRO-ANGEL"]
6 Slate 319
Miners told me they finished digging out the forges, and the magma's flowing now. Fuckin' A. Gonna get us some genuine home-grown barbells and shit real fuckin' shortly.
Got the miners working on a mason's shop now. Gettin' real fucking good at this Overseer shit already!9 Slate 319OH YEAH! GUESS WHOSE MOTHERFUCKING WEIGHT ROOM IS FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED?
(HINT: EVERYONE'S, BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES TO GET FUCKING SHREDDED)
And hey, while we're talking about things being finished or not being finished: got a bunch of offices right above the bedrooms which, uh, aren't finished:
The mason shop near the depot's looking kinda short on stone. Don't wanna make our scrawny-ass masons carry shit from halfway across the fort, so I'mma hold up on fixing this shit until that other shit, the shit with the new mason's shops being built down near the forges, is done. Shit.
Speaking of shit, I saw a bunch of little burning men splashing in the magma pool. Fuckin' intense stuff. They looked kind of ornery, so I told everyone to put up a wall around the forges:
Someone said to me, "Bro, why the fuck didn't you just leave the stone unmined and shit then!?" To which I answered: "That is a very good question, dude." Heard someone calling me a "sack of haggises" again. Still don't know what that means, dude![There is a drawing of a bag, captioned "
THIS IS FULL OF HAGGISES, WHATEVER THAT IS"]
11 Slate 319Mason's shop is all ready; got the miners digging out a carpentry area next to it. We're gonna be DROWNING IN FUCKING KICKASS FUCKING FURNITURE, FUCKFUCKS:
And remember those little fire dudes in the magma pool? Remember that I wanted to wall up the forges? Well, I made a great fucking decision there, bro! One of them just jumped out and tried to rough the workers up. We're lucky this soldier-dude was there; he just fucking VAPORIZED it with one punch.
Think I saw this in an anime once. Fuckin' incredible.[there is a drawing of a bald man in a cape punching a small, burning stick figure, whose head is exploding in gore; the image is captioned "
ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH"]
(( So. There's half of Spring. Sorry I've been moving so slowly; I think I've figured out a better way to make my updates now (the latter half of this literally got done in half the time of the first) so hopefully the rest will come a bit more quickly. Just wanted to get something out NOW. ))
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Topic: Spearbreakers II "The Return of The Mug" - Braveworks [43.05] (Read 88386 times)