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[Mr Frog]

I'll let it slide, since you aren't phoning shit in and so far the wait has had a good payoff.

Thank you immensely. I just hope I can keep it up; it's hard to write this kind of character without them turning into a one-dimensional walking gag with no soul :V  I want him to be at least semi-likable, lol.

[Splint]

Considering he strikes me as that sort of... What's the word I want... Dumb Muscle doesn't sound right. Cause it's actually pretty obvious he wants to do his job well and seems to believe in the spirit of !!SCIENCE!!, but he's intellectually lacking at times, but makes up for it with absolutely freakish enthusiasm.

Combine that with military training (indicating he is most likely actually a Contractor who only recently got a job as a sales rep,) and you have perhaps a perfect combo for someone selling hyper deadly magnet guns to primitives. Primitives now used to seeing such weaponry in the hands of the smart people, but primitives all the same.

In any case, I like the Swordbro very much.

[Lolfail0009]

If one were to, say, test the mods on the brand-spanking-new 64 bit release, what exactly would one need to test? Anything in particular one would need to watch for?

Unless we're already running .43.05 and I missed something

[Splint]

Frankly I dunno if they'd actually need updating.

[greycat]

RESEARCH has concluded cuncluedid

I was greatly amused by this line.

[Mr Frog]

14 Slate 319

Got some great fuckin' news, bros. Masonifications are finally in progress:



Don't got any wheelbarrows to supply stone piles with, but the bits left over from carving the place out will work. Gonna get some office shit set up. Gonna get some WORKFORCE MANAGEMENT up in this bitch. FUCKING YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH



Got a bunch of those falcon-penguin-monster-dudes fluttering around. Not sure exactly how I'm gonna catch them, but I'm totally gonna. FUCKIN' RESEARCH!!!


Whoa. Holy shit. I looked over the horizon, and we got somethin' like 20 FUCKIN DWARVES comin' in! Fuckin' hell! Hope they don't get into my protein shakes...



Wait. Is that... is that a FUCKING BABY? Just crawling around by itself!? Holy hell. Its mom just fucking walked right by it. Didn't even glance at it. Don't really think that's normal parenting, dude, but I'm not judging:



She's probably just disorryented disorientatified from the trip here. Yeah. That's it. She'll pick the li'l guy up sooner or later. Definitely looks a bit twitchy. Probably needs a power nap. I know that feel, bro. I know that feel.

[there is a drawing of an infant and an adult dwarf. Tears are running down the infant's face. The adult's expression is impassive. The infant is saying "PLEASE HELP ME MOMMY"; the adult is responding "SORRY BRO MAYBE LATER, SUPER SHOT RIGHT NOW"]

Don't really remember who else came in, but I do remember an engraver named Aldraglienon, a mechanic named Ilasram, and a peasant named MidnightJaguar.


18 Slate 319

Told the new arrivals to get off their asses and haul in wood for the BRAND FUCKING NEW carpenter's shop we got now:



They're still bitching about the blood rain. PURE FUCKING PROTEIN, dudes. Gonna blend up some smoothies and hand out samples; they'll come around.

Whoa. This next bit is pretty wild, Giant Book Of Boring Shit. Remember how I asked some of the floor in the guardhouse outside to be taken out? Well, it did, and



Totally-normal fucking dirt right underneath. Like fucking magic. Craziest thing I've ever seen. Really wanna RESEARCH that shit, but I gotta have it dug out for now.

[there is a drawing of a frowny-face, captioned "I JUST WANT TO DO SOME FUCKING SCIENCE"]


22 Slate 319

So. Uh. I found out that none of the farm plots were set to grow anything. Got that fixed; gonna be a while before the crops come in though. It's okay, though. I've been eating the little bugs scuttling in the pantry! Bugs are great protein, dude. Could totally just go an an all-bug diet if things get bad. Actually, think I'll do that right now. PROTEIN!!!!

Speaking of protein, you know what doesn't have a lot of protein, but is SUPER FUCKING GOOD for carrying shit? WHEELBARROWS. Put in a bunch of orders for 'em at the carpenter's shop. This'll fucking supercharge our stone shop, dude.



We're gonna build, like, A MILLION MOTHERFUCKING OFFICES for a MILLION MOTHERFUCKING NERDS to manage a MILLION MOTHERFUCKING PRODUCTION ORDERS. It's gonna be MOTHERFUCKING AMAZING.

[there is a crude drawing of a stick figure wearing thick spectacles sitting at a desk, captioned "MOTHERFUCKING NERD SHIT, HELL FUCKING YEAH"]


27 Slate 319

Speaking of MOTHERFUCKING NERD SHIT – remember that one chick who forgot her baby outside? Yeah. That one. Anyways, turns out she's actually the BEST FUCKING ORGANISER-DUDE I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN.



So I took her into the manager's office and said, hey Mrs. The Master (awesome fucking name), you're in charge of this shit now. She seemed really fucking excited, bro. She even threw an entire fucking chair at my head to celebrate. Dude, I totally admire a chick with strong delts like that.

Speaking of strong delts, her baby's dragged itself all the way to the weight room from outside. Trying to hop on the PumpMasters as we speak. Fucking inspirational.



I gotta say, the little gremlin's really inspired me. I HEREBY VOW TO HIT THE WEIGHTS TWICE AS FUCKING HARD IN YOUR HONOUR, LITTLE DUDE.


Ballpoint agent turned up this afternoon looking for mercenary work.



I was all "Hey bro!" and then they were all "Who the fuck is that, bro!?" and then I was all "Oh, this is a dude from Parasol, we're totally bros now bro" and then he was all "BRO!"
Shit. Think I might be in trouble. Hope my boss isn't too too pissed, dude. That'd be really shitty.


2 Felsite 319

So I was walkin' in the weight room, keepin' an eye on the baby (thinking of making him our mascot – BABY BARBELL, I'm gonna call him), and then Mrs. The Master comes in! Strolled right past the kid. Didn't even look up from... uh... what she was doing. Whatever that was.



I was all, "This your baby, dude?" and then she was all, "[noise that was kinda a cross between an angry goat and a dog howling]". Poor dude, seems really overwound. So I gave her a bunch of work orders to mess with:



She kinda sniffed the air for a moment, then scuttled out of the room real quick on all fours. Kinda like a bug. I love bugs! Lots of protein in bugs. Feel like I did a good thing for her there.

Got the miners mining a bunch of tetrahedrite deposits on the third floor, since they were looking kinda bored and stuff:



Dude, I was thinking: We should make our barbells out of silver. Silver's twice as heavy as iron, right, so we'll get buff twice as quickly. Yeah. FUCKING MATHEMATIFICATION, BITCHES.

And holy fuck, I went outside and SOME FUCKHEAD WAS TRYING TO SHOOT THE BIRDS, YOU KNOW, THE BIRDS I WANTED TO RESEARCH. THOSE BIRDS. I was like, "Dude, don't shoot my fucking birds, bro!" and he was all "But I was told to, bro!" and then I was all, "Bro, that is totally irrelephant. I'm sorry bro, but I'm gonna have to give you a NEW job."




So the vein we were mining was a dud. Yeah. "Sack of haggises" was kind of a prominent factor in the discussion. They said to me, "the vein was right next to a cavern dome, you great sack of haggises, what did you expect!?" (I made him repeat himself a couple times so I could write it all down) Forgot to ask what a haggises is, though! D'oh!


Speaking of haggises – gonna just go ahead and tear the forge outside down. Yeah. Need the anvil and stuff. Don't really have time to get everything else out there torn down – the workforce here is fucking gnarly, dude – so I'm just gonna put a sticky note on them telling dudes to not use them. That'll do it. Man, I am so fucking GOOD at this!

Oh man dude. Ballpoint dudes keep comin' in to visit and stuff. Don't think I know any of them. Keep asking me lots of questions, like "where's the bathroom?" or "did they even cook this?" or "sign these papers, dude" (that last one wasn't a question. My bad, hahaha). Great to see them settling in and shit.


5 Felsite 319

Finally got some FORGING ACTION going on in the FORGING ACTION ROOM. Aw yeah. Gonna get some fucking barbells and shit produced.

Actually, that gives me an idea. A FUCKING AWESOME IDEA.

So there's this big empty room up north of the dining hall, yeah? Think the other guy was gonna make it a temple, never really got around to it? Dude, I just got the BEST FUCKING IDEA. We're gonna MOTHERFUCKING FINISH THAT SHIT. We're gonna DECORATE THAT SHIT with the most HALLOWED OF FUCKING IMAGES.



I shall dedicate this chapel to the GODS OF FUCKING BUFFNESS. Awwww yeeeeeeeeee

[there is a drawing of a stick figure genuflecting; floating above them are three muscular humanoids with halos. The stick figure is saying, "GODS OF BUFFNESS, PLEASE GUIDE ME ON MY PATH TO GREATER RIPPEDITUDE", to which the behaloed humanoids are replying "HOLY SHIT DUDE SURE"]

And dude, it looks like half the fort was fishing in the river outside? No wonder nothing's getting done here! Kinda overreacted, though. I kinda... got a box and a megaphone and yelled at all of them to "STOP FUCKING STICKING YOUR BEARDS IN THE RIVER, MY DUDES! AS OF TODAY, ALL FISHING IS SEVERELY RESTRICTIFIED! DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS, DUDES!" Got called a haggises a few more times – think they got the message, though. Great!

Our food stocks were getting kinda low, so I told the dudes to go pick some berries outside! They were a bit grossed about the blood everywhere, but you know what I say to that? PROTEIN, BITCHES. Gonna blend that shit into smoothies and shit. FUCKING IRON-ENRICHED.


9 Felsite 319

Got a Ballpoint dude coming up to me today. He was all, "Dude, this place is so awesome, I'mma fuckin' transfer here permanently." I was all, "Shit man, good to have you aboard!" Fuckin' great stuff, man.




15 Felsite, 319

Putting up a food prep area near the pantry. Meat (PROTEIN!) on the left, veggies (VITAMINS AND CARBS!) on the right:



And I just remembered! I'm supposed to put a Quantum Datathingy up in a "conspicuous place" to "advertise our products" and stuff! Well, can't think of a place more conspicuous than the middle of the tavern hall! LET'S BUILD THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT:




22 Felsite, 319



DUDE. WHAT. HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK HOSTILE, BRO. ALSO HE'S NAKED EXCEPT THAT HE'S COVERED IN BLOOD. I DON'T EVEN LIKE PROTEIN THAT MUCH. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Still, seems like a pretty nice dude. Probably the nicest blight upon dwarfkind I've ever met.

Anyways, I went to go tell Gwolfski he's our bookkeeper, since we got a new office and everything. Then someone tells me something. Something ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TERRIBAD.



HOLY FUCK, NOOooooooOOOOOOoO! DON'T TRY TO BENCH-PRESS THE STATUES, BRO! THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR! LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH, DUDE!


24 Felsite, 319

So.

Uh.

That Spawn guy.

He says he liked our weight room. He liked it a lot.

He liked it so fucking much that he wants to FUCKING STAY HERE AND GET SHREDDED WITH US.



Didn't even know what to fucking say, bro. Just kinda stood there with my mouth hanging open. Then I closed it because, not gonna lie bro, dude smells like death took a shit even if he isn't trying to kill us for some reason. He didn't mind. Just shrugged his shoulders and walked up to the farms, muttered something like "I could go for some haggises right now".



(DUDE. I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. HAGGISES IS FOOD, ISN'T IT? DUDE. I'M STOKED THAT THESE DUDES THINK SO HIGHLY OF ME.)

Dude's sitting underneath a hatch right now; don't think he knows how to work it. What the hell do I do now!?


(( So, there's the rest of Spring. I heard someone was saying that nothing insane had happened yet. Ha. Ha. Ha. ))

[Amperzand]

What the heck man. I feel like maybe this isn't an intended feature. :V

[Splint]

Spawn can become integrated into other societies surprisingly effectively - several fought for the goblins in Spearbreakers. I like to think they have to wear breastplates to speak properly though.

EDIT: I did see to it they smash shit up though. So he is currently working on smashing up that hatch. It just takes much, much long to dismantle from underneath.

[Mr Frog]

This of course leads to a quandary: what the actual fuck do we do with this thing? Not sure if I want a pet Spawn smashing up all our shit, but on the other hand I'm worried that killing him will cause Problems (plus it seems mean) and I'm not sure if he'll leave the map on his own since he'll probably keep getting distracted by statues and stuff.

[Splint]

Well, there's two options.

Make spawn not break things and use the spawn to murder other spawn, or stuff him in his own little hole in the wall to unleash in a time of distress.

[Amperzand]

Recruit him and station him in a room off to the side of the entryway to weightlift until we have a problem for him to solve? I mean I honestly do like the idea of having a friendly pet spawn to add to the shenanigans.

[Lolfail0009]

I... Well then.

Umm
He seems nice enough? Maybe make him some sort of special ops squad commander. The Gabriel Reyes of the fort, so to speak.

[Mr Frog]

I'm personally leaning towards removing BUILDINGDESTROYER, since as much as it pains me to get rid of potential !!FUN!!, if the alternative is having to deal with "friendly" units dropping in and destroying our shit on a regular basis with no clean way to get rid of them then I'm afraid I'd have to choose the lesser of two evils.

[TheBiggerFish]

Agreeing with Mr Frog.

[Mr Frog]

Clarification: It was hilarious this time. I just don't think it'll be as funny the 20th time.

Going to bed now y'all, gonna start on my Summer playthrough (eat a dick Spellcheck that is totally a fucking word) tomorrow.