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[wierd]

Granted.  You now are a taste tester for "enriched flour" based products, testing the flavor profile of reduced iron and iron sulfate enriched baked goods.  You are the best at evaluating these flavor profiles. Sadly, this has resulted in acute iron toxicity for you.

I wish I had more days off per week (but still employed, and working full time hours.)

[Puppyguard]

Granted, you become a rich man, with millions of dollars to boot.
At a price, your face and body are horribly twisted and you look like jabba the hut. But hey, millions of dollars!

I wish for a really dry cookie and some purring maggot milk.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, both of those things are delivered to you, Inside a thick steel cube with no hatches or openings.

I wish that I was best friends with a god of bread, toasters, wheat, and bread and wheat-related paraphernalia.

[wierd]

Granted. You meet lady Ceres in an online chat, only to discover that she gets clinically depressed and violent every year when her daughter leaves to spend time with her deathmetal loving husband. During that time she gets really needy, vindictive, and moody.

I wish I could grant nice wishes, just once.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, however, this randomly causes the other posters on this thread to have
headaches at random moments.

I wish that everyone became living, mobile, sapient plushie versions of their idealized selves with the ability to gain happiness and pleasure just from hugging themselves and others. 

[Pearofclubs]

Granted!
It's nice, for a while at least.
Eventually, the feelings of happiness and pleasure begin to normalize and people forget what life was like before.
In the absence of pleasure and happiness exists only painful withdrawal symptoms, and actual pain is nightmarish.
Eventually, thrill seekers, discontented with the entirely normal feelings of pleasure hugging brings, take to murdering others for the rush.
No one stops them because the rest of the world is too busy feeling contentment. Not even their victims.
Murder becomes boring, leading to an ever increasing cycle of violence by people desperately trying to recapture the feeling, which ultimately destroys the world.

I wish the world was 8 bit.

[Greatness942]

Granted! It becomes an 8-bit run and gun that's rather quite difficult. You have no extra lives, and thus you die while just trying to get my mail.

I wish I had a quicksave/load system like in a game so I could get away with doing dumb stuff.

[spazyak]

It works till your sister makes a save right above a pit trap so you are stuck in a loop of falling into it and dying.

I wish my cat was forever a cute little kitten.

[pikachu17]

Time stops. Your kitten is still cute. Forever...

I wish I had a pet Pichu.

[Puppyguard]

Granted. It has negative ivs and a nature that reduces all its stats.

I wish for a functional welder(with fuel inside) and a functional welding mask.

[pikachu17]

You get this. However the functional welding mask is never anywhere near the welder, and the functional is so functional, it burns the entire surface of the earth.

Granted. It has negative ivs and a nature that reduces all its stats.

Thanks. It is too late to corrupt my wish any more. Now I have a pet Pichu, which is all I wanted. 

[Puppyguard]

Thanks. It is too late to corrupt my wish any more. Now I have a pet Pichu, which is all I wanted. 

I'm glad you enjoy your pichu.

I wish for a cookie.

[pikachu17]

You get a cookie. It has negative ivs, and a nature that reduces all its stats.

[Maximum Spin]

I wish you were all Adamant Feebas.

[pikachu17]

I am all Adamant Feebas. Is that a Magikarp Pokemon?

I wish I stopped forgetting to make a wish.