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[Ultimuh]

Granted. The cure is called "a bullet to the head". Unfortunately for you, it is quite illegal at this day and age.


I wish shooting assholes would be be legal, as long as you had the license for it.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, but you have to shoot yourself first since itès assumed only a asshole would want to actually shoot other assholes.

I wish I were the protagonist of this thread.

[pikachu17]

You are, but you make an assholy joke,  and Ultimuh shoots you.

I wish that I had a cookie, with milk.

[Maximum Spin]

You get a really dry cookie and a glass of maggot milk.
WHAT NOW, PIKACHU-SEVENTEEN. WHAT NOW.

I wish for the transferable right to make more wishes at a later date, which I will then sell on the open market.

[pikachu17]

However, all the wishes are corrupt, so you get mobbed by angry customers.

I wish I had a battle axe.
(Also, to answer your question, I dip the cookie in the Dwarven milk, then eat the cookie.)

[Maximum Spin]

You get a bottle of new improved-formula Battle Axe, in the Africa scent. "It won't wash off in the streaming blood!"

I wish to axe Africa.

[pikachu17]

You hit the dirt with an axe. The axe gets stuck. Now you have an axe stuck in Africa.

I wish I had a cup of caprine.

[Maximum Spin]

You get a cup of carp rind. Drink up!

I wish for a cup of hard vacuum.

[pikachu17]

(I didn't say anything about carp rind.  That seems more a corruption of spelling, than a corruption of the wish.)

[Maximum Spin]

(Well, you originally said "carprine", which isn't a thing, so I tried to get as close as possible. )
But fine, you get a cup of goat. I don't see how this is any better. It's not even a tiny cup-sized goat, it's just a cup-sized chunk of a regular-sized goat. A bunch of frat boys materialise around you repeatedly shouting "Chug!".

I still wish for a cup of hard vacuum.

[Stirk]

Granted! You get a large cup with a Hoover in it. A Hoover made out of steel.

I wish that Maximum Spin would be locked into half-integer spin.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted, straight up, that was actually a joke I was going to make in the kill-the-godmodder thread in a few days.
SO PREVIEW.

I wish people would stop stealing my ideas before I do them!

[Sir Elventide]

Granted. Nobody likes your ideas anymore so you fade into the background

I wish to be an interdimensional conqueror!

[Pearofclubs]

Granted!
You defeat the giant monkey men and conquer the eighth dimension, although you are in turn conquered by a fear of closeness intimacy and commitment that completely ruins your love life and friendships.
I wish I had more time to think of a wish.
Breaks over, gotta get back to work!

[Sir Elventide]

Granted. You now have ample time to think of a wish... being you've just been fired!

I wish to be the King of Irony