"It isn't? Could've fooled me."
John sighs. A joke, for heaven's sake, he really was too old. The first time he got caught by surprise artillery strike, he downright shit his pants. Such a quaint little memory, back then he still cared. Back then he screamed all hell to get his comrades to cover and grab their fucking helmets. Back then he still had comrades. A dozen strikes later, his last trench mate got hit in the throat and bled out with the most peculiarly helpless expression. The dying man's cough sounded like a sick and twisted parody of laughter. But John laughed all the same. A fucking joke is what it was.
Still, it's best not to get attached. It's better if you don't see a person behind another stupid nickname, just in case they screw up and get shot up. It's better if they don't like him, then nobody will fuck up just because an enemy sniper dickhead shot John right in the fucking face. But he wouldn't tell them that. Maybe someone would just find their balls and punch him, maybe if he falls just right he can break an arm. Probably not worth it, though. Probably they'd have him go just the same.
"It bloody well is. Look at you, for fuck's sake, for the moment we're safe, warm, and nobody's actively trying to kill us. And you're all getting pissed at the one guy who pointedly didn't ask the command to find a secondary way of getting us shot dead in our fucking faces. Well excuse me, doctor sir, for not looking appropriately serious for you."
The last part he snarled, almost spitting as each syllable left his mouth. Then he took a big breath.
"That said, when we're neck-deep in sheet, and there's a metric fuckton of bullets zipping inches from our faces from every direction, you're more likely to hear me shouting something vaguely along the lines of <scalpel down>, rather than say, <sir Adams, MD, sir, would you kindly duck under the fucking hailstorm of death, sir>. So if it's not much to ask, pretty please, entertain my particular malfunction and learn to roll with it. We'll all live longer for it."