Turn One Hundred and Twenty SevenLevel Four of the Temple of SefGrab robe back from Gerdevver and...
... I put on my robe and wizard hat.
"Blimey!" says Tackov, to himself, making himself decent again whilst his comrades recklessly agree to go to Hell.
…In short order the wizard is fully clothed and ready for anything. He suddenly notices Gervedder inspecting him. Examining him, even.
Look around. Examine each of my party members and assess current state. Try to regroup, especially paying attention to regrouping Bukkar and his head.
"Finally, things seem to have experienced improvement. Though we are still in dire straits. We are, are we not?"…Looking around, Gervedder first examines the unusually dressed Tackov, and then proceeds onto examinations of the rest of his band. He stops in front of Bukkar, feeling that something isn’t quite right. It isn’t. Bukkar doesn’t look particularly angry, which Gervedder puts down to his having no face to express anger with, which is because he has no head to have a face with, which is because it’s recently rolled down the corridor, on fire.
Which is good, because it makes it easy to find in the dark, but bad, because Gervedder has no intention of setting his hands on fire, so the only way of transporting it back to Bukkar is to gently kick it back up the corridor towards him, trying to ignore the torrent of abuse that results.
But it works!
How to reconnect a burning Bukkar to Bukkar’s burning head without catching fire is quite a conundrum though. The master surgeon stops to have a think.
Contemplate piercinggroinalheadkneestonefacebutting God in the face. Do so if it seems reasonable to do.
Then go find my head again.
Bukkar also stops to have a think – he thinks about whether or not he should head butt God in the face with his groin, and whether or not it’s a reaso-
”JUST YOU TRY IT, BUNGHOLE. DON’T YOU KNOW I AM OMINISCIENT?””Eh? Like a badger?””WHAT?””A badger. They’re kind of black and white and vicious little bugg-””I KNOW WHAT A BADGER IS, EEJIT. I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE OMNISCIENT. WHICH IS STRANGE. YOU HAVE MADE ME DOUBT MYSELF. YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME SOMETHING, SO I SHALL FORGIVE YOU FOR CONSIDERING HEAD BUTTING ME WITH YOUR GROI - OW! YOU LITTLE SHIT, I’LL ‘AVE YOU.”…Just as God was contemplating the new reality of omniscient badgers, Bukkar head butts him in the face! With his groin! Which fecks God right off, so he smacks Bukkar in the guts, knocking him to the ground, whereon he collides heavily with his head, whereupon there is an ominous click, which is actually a joyous click, it being the click of a head reconnecting sturdily with a body! Yay!
…Reduced in hit points, but increased in attached heads, Bukkar leaps back to his feet, fists raised and ready for the fight.
But alas, for God has moved on.
Agree immediately and on behalf of everyone to mysterious Faustian pact with unknown power.
Recklessly accept God's offer.
Freshly firmed and rebelliously young, Lady Foxglove laughs.
Action: To Hell's Heart I say! Whiz Dance!
HellSuddenly, the six adventurers and their various followers disappear from the Temple of Sef in an overly dramatic flash and burst of smoke. They feel a bit strange for what must be less than even half a second, and suddenly, like opening their eyes, they are elsewhere.
They look around.
There is Tackov, the wizard, hiding his baldness under his wizard’s hat. There is Whiz, also a wizard, and somewhat mummified, and dancing with the young and firm Lady Foxglove. There is the Naked Messenger, Gervedder the Tall. There is Bukkar the Internally and Externally Burning – internally with anger and fury, externally with flames. And then there is Sylvanna the Felonious, who externally and comparatively looks mostly normal.
Her golems of Tax Collector and Sheepass kind of make up for that though.
Finally, there is also the Deity who answers to the name of God, Jack the Hippo, Lord Squid, and the Tambourine of Death.
About this merry band there seems to be a beige stairwell.
To the east, there are steps going up, and steps going down. To the west there is a beige wall.
Tackov Cedtry
Stats: D2 / S0 / M6
Status: [HP: 30/30] | [MP: 30/30]
States +1 Missile defence | -1 Melee | Bald | -1 to Nudity
Whiz
Stats: D2 / S2+2 / M4
Status: [HP: 50/50] | [MP: 20/20]
States +1 Lower leg, groin, head and breast defence | Last in initiative rolls | +1 to melee attacks | +1 to crossbows | -1 to long range shooting
Gervedder Vietzo
Stats: D2 / S4 / M2
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 Gut and chest defence | +1 Defence if moves | +1 Flaming Axe. | +1 to melee attack | Very tall | Naked
Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III
Stats: D4 / S2 / M2
Status: [HP: 40/50] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 to Head, chest and groinbone defence | Dodges fist missile hit | +3 to initiative | +1 to missile attacks | +1 to dodge
Bukkar Crangrom
Stats: D0 / S6 / M2
Status: [HP: 35/90] | [MP:10/10]
States +1 Free piercing groinalheadbutt attack | Vomits | Ignites | Naked | -1 to dodge | -1 to dodge | +1 to melee attack | Burning
Sylvanna the Felonious
Stats: D4 / S4 / M0
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 0/0]
States: +1 to dodge | +1 to melee attack
Dronebongo: [HP: 20/20] | +1 Melee bite | 2 kick attacks
Jack the Hippo: [HP: 30/30] | Cannot bleed
Lord Squid: [HP: 20/20] | Flying
Tax Collector Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem]
Class: 12 Part Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem
Health: [HP: 50/50]
Abilities: One Head, Three Arms, Six Legs
Sheepass Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Sheepass Golem
Class: 9 Part Sheepass Golem
Health: [HP: 40/40HP]
Abilities: One Backside, Eight Legs. No head, so max 2 command words per turn.
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 193776 times)