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[lawastooshort]

((I note two further issues to explore: 1 - I will have to check, but I can't remember if he doesn't in fact headbutt with his groin; 2 - his head is currently rolling down the corridor))

[Toaster]

((He needs a rope for it, so it can be a headbutt flail.))

[Xantalos]

((No remember I have a stone face on my knee that I can do a special attack with.))

[lawastooshort]

((I thought your face was on your groin? Don't worry, I'll look at the characters sheet before I write the turn anyway))

[Xantalos]

((Or something. I have a stone face on my something that I can piercing groinal headbutt with somehow.))

[IronyOwl]

((This is a hilarious conversation.))

[lawastooshort]

((right, so I have clarified that it is Bukkar’s naked thighface that can do the headbutting – it’s not reliant on his actual head, which is currently a short distance away. I can now proceed! At might do, in fact. Soon. Ish.))

[Xantalos]

((Hurrah! THIGHFACEPIERCINGHEADBUTT COMMENCING))

[Dwarmin]

((YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS? AN UPDATE!*))

*This all caps post courtesy of the national endowment aiding foxy women transformed into sheep

[lawastooshort]

((I would like to say, HOHOHO! I am just waiting for Dwarmin to post an action! But if you did post an action, it would possibly be too late!))

[lawastooshort]

Turn One Hundred and Twenty Four

Level Four of the Temple of Sef

PIERCINGGROINALHEADBUTT SHEEP

Find a rock and roll it down the corridor.

…Steaming with rumbling fury, Bukkar headbutts Lady Foxsheep in the guts with the facegroin on his knee, which pierces her painfully, but doesn’t ruin her carefully groomed wool.

She doesn’t seem to mind – perhaps she is just about to come up with a witty and cutting retort  when Whiz wanders past, interrupting her train of thought by searching about on the floor for a rock. …He’s disappointed though, for it looks to all intents and purposes as if someone has very recently passed by this way, cleansing the immediate area of all rocks. Which is very sinister if you ask me.

Carefully move forward, using axe to light the way. Watch out for traps!

…Meanwhile, Gervedder is neither a sheep, nor particularly angry, nor looking for rocks, so he carefully moves forward, cleverly using the only available light source to light the way and look for traps. He gets about so far before wondering if anyone’s going to follow him. He pauses and turns round to check – his companions aren’t in sight, but he can hear a distant Sylvanna shouting at something, and then something seems to come rushing at him in the darkness.

Attempt to make contact with voice. If that fails, meander into Deathhall the Deadly Halls of Probably Not Trapped.

"Hello? Who's there? Stop what? Is it the pilfering! I WILL NEVER STOP THE PILFERING!"

…”HELLO!” says the Voice of God, ”THIS IS GOD SPEAKING. I AM WATCHING YOU, SYLVANNA. THOU SHALT NOT PILFER, I BELIEVE SOMEONE SAID ONCE. DOST THOU CONFESS TO PILFERING?”

"Well, that's one way of doing it, certainly.  Onward!"

Go onward behind the tanks.

…The irreligious Tackov ignores the sudden sonic eruption of God – this is one interpretation of his following reckless act, another being that he is so guiltily terrified of paying for his perverted sins that, forgetting God to be omnipotent and omniscient (if this is that God and not just a god, and who knows: Tackov certainly isn’t au fait with the pantheon of this plane) he flees in fear of immediate and eternal damnation – and sprints as fast as his little legs can carry him towards Gervedder, screaming and tearing his clothes off as he runs, running towards the fiery hellish axe-light in front of him, shoving past Gervedder before the startled messenger can thrust the hell-axe into his face, and carries on, another 10 feet or so, into the blackness, whereupon there is a dull click, and a fireball bursts out of the ceiling, setting his hair on fire.

Tackov stops screaming momentarily so that he can start screaming again, a bit harder this time, for he is naked and burning.

”Baa.”

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

 
Tackov Cedtry
Stats: D2 / S0 / M6
Status: [HP: 20/30] | [MP: 30/30]
States +1 Missile defence | -1 Melee. | Burning

Whiz
Stats: D2 / S2+2 / M4
Status: [HP: 50/50] | [MP: 20/20]
States +1 Lower leg, groin, head and breast defence | Last in initiative rolls | +1 to melee attacks | +1 to crossbows | -1 to long range shooting

Gervedder Vietzo
Stats: D2 / S4 / M2
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 Gut and chest defence | +1 Defence if moves | +1 Flaming Axe. | +1 to melee attack | Very tall.

Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III
Stats: D4 / S2 / M2
Status: [HP: 40/50] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 to Head, chest and groinbone defence | Dodges fist missile hit | +3 to initiative | +1 to missile attacks | +1 to dodge | Sheep.

Bukkar Crangrom
Stats: D0 / S6 / M2
Status: [HP: 70/90] | [MP:5/10]
States +1 Free piercing groinalheadbutt attack | Vomits | Ignites | Naked | No head | -1 to dodge | -1 to dodge | +1 to melee attack

Sylvanna the Felonious
Stats: D4 / S4 / M0
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 0/0]
States: +1 to dodge. +1 to melee attack.

Dronebongo: [HP: 20/20] | +1 Melee bite | 2 kick attacks

Jack the Hippo: [HP: 30/30] | Cannot bleed

Lord Squid: [HP: 20/20] | Flying

Tax Collector Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem]
Class: 12 Part Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem
Health: [HP: 50/50]
Abilities: One Head, Three Arms, Six Legs

Sheepass Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Sheepass Golem
Class: 9 Part Sheepass Golem
Health: [HP: 40/40HP]
Abilities: One Backside, Eight Legs. No head, so max 2 command words per turn.

[Harry Baldman]

"Ah. I realize that you are confused, Tackov, but would you please let me lead the way? As demonstrated, there could be all manner of traps ahead."

Extinguish Tackov's burning hair if at all possible, then place him in an inconspicuous location where God's unlikely to see him. Arrange him in a compromising enough position that God's unlikely to want to look at him as well.

[Dwarmin]

((I would like to say, HOHOHO! I am just waiting for Dwarmin to post an action! But if you did post an action, it would possibly be too late!))

((My actions are severely limited in this form ))

Lady Sheepsglove thought a deity actually appearing was a good chance to get her complaints in, of which she had many!

She marched (hopped) up to the thing, and began baa'ing loudly to the deity, complaining about the state of her beautiful wool and the fact she'd rather have all her hair back, the price of green tea in Chiana, the lack of Nerfs to Bukkar, the inescapability of death and taxes, the lack of a romantic subplot-and the frequency of things occurring, which she thought should happen more often.

Action: Rules lawyer! Piercealgroining headbutt is technically a missile attack, and Lady Foxglove dodges the first missile hit on every turn!

Also, complain to the deity! Loudly! Baa!

[Toaster]

Does +1 against nudity not apply to 1-induced hilarity?  Not that nudity is Tackov's biggest problem now.


Extinguish the headflame!  Don the bodyrobe!

[lawastooshort]

Does +1 against nudity not apply to 1-induced hilarity?  Not that nudity is Tackov's biggest problem now.

((I must have forgot, but given the rolls in the turn I'd just about finished as you posted, it doesn't really matter. And anyway, a 1's a 1. It'll have to wait for about 5 hours now though))