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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 712194 times)

Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #600 on: June 08, 2014, 08:31:01 pm »

I feel like we're talking about different Portals here.
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Yoink

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #601 on: June 08, 2014, 08:31:56 pm »

Damnit Dutchling, I saw your name as the last post on this thread and got all excited thinking you were contributing.

Anyway: What do you call it when someone farts under the blankets? A Dutch oven.
What do you call it when someone takes a dump in an oven? Dutch cuisine. 
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Booze is Life for Yoink

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you need to reconsider your life
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hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #602 on: June 08, 2014, 08:32:25 pm »

Doug Rattmann is an incredibly minor character in Portal whose existence is only mostly shown in the trailer comic.
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Remalle

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #603 on: June 08, 2014, 08:35:58 pm »

He's the guy who leaves the graffiti rooms everywhere.
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Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #604 on: June 08, 2014, 08:39:10 pm »

Damnit Dutchling, I saw your name as the last post on this thread and got all excited thinking you were contributing
Sorry.

A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his wife and his 7 year-old daughter.
The pharmacist is a little shocked and asks, “Your 7 year-old daughter is sexually active?”
“No,” replies the man, “she just sort of lays there and cries.”
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kaenneth

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #605 on: June 08, 2014, 09:08:42 pm »

Those poor kids from Sandy Hook, they wanted books but all they got were magazines.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That reminds me, did you hear the one about Dorian Grey?

Man that never gets old.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #606 on: June 08, 2014, 11:22:25 pm »

<"joke" snipped>
See, this is why you don't ask Dutchling to make terrible jokes.
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KingofstarrySkies

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #607 on: June 08, 2014, 11:24:09 pm »

Ooh, ooh, I've got one!

Life!

Life's a pretty terrible joke.
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Arx

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #608 on: June 08, 2014, 11:46:34 pm »

How does the Joker brief his bowling attack?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

* Arx pulls out the big book of Van Der Merwe jokes

Van der Merwe was watching a rugby test against the British Lions at Loftus Versfeld stadium in Pretoria. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat - next to Van der Merwe.

"Who does that seat belong to?" asked his neighbour.
"It's for my wife."
"But why isn't she here?"
"She died."
"So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your friends?"
"They've all gone to the funeral."


Van der Merwe goes to Paris to watch the Boks take on the Brits at the world cup.
Whilst in Paris, he walks around, gaping and staring at everything - so much so that he walks smack bang into a fire hydrant which hits him so hard on the family jewels that he has to be rushed to hospital where the doctors tell him they have to remove his testicles.
Van goes berserk, he bites and snarls at every one and he won't let anybody within 10 metres of him. Eventually they find a South African doctor in the hospital and get him to talk to Van.

He walks up to Van and tells him "Hey Van, die ouens moet jou knaters uithaal." (Hey Van, the guys must remove your nuts.)
Van replies "O, okay, ek dog die bliksems wil my test tickets vat." (Oh, okay, I thought the bastards wanted to take my test ticket.)
« Last Edit: June 09, 2014, 04:16:09 am by Arx »
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Yoink

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #609 on: June 09, 2014, 11:35:02 am »

Made me laugh at whatever time of day. :P
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #610 on: June 09, 2014, 11:49:41 am »

This thread needs more multicultural jokes.

What's black, has 8 legs, and makes women scream?
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Yoink

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #611 on: June 09, 2014, 11:55:36 am »

What's the term for a sex offender with a taste for Latino kids?
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Sheb

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #612 on: June 09, 2014, 12:05:37 pm »

And by multicultural, you mean racists, right? :p
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Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #613 on: June 09, 2014, 12:10:11 pm »

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he says to his wife. "No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies. Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them. "Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." "It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on. But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow." To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
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Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #614 on: June 09, 2014, 12:15:35 pm »

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he says to his wife. "No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies. Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them. "Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." "It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on. But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow." To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Какого хрена это значит?
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