THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN THREE!
A horse, A horse, my Kingdom for a horse
Archimedes 1: Help Steve Irwin. Yes, again.
Archimedes 2: Look for a horse. ((Really, I got to do something with that hippocratic oath, and I have a faint feeling it won't be helping people. ))
Being a famous mathematician,
Archimedes knows about that thing about third time being lucky. SURELY IT CAN’T BE TRUE?
Realising his comrade
Steve Irwin is in desperate bleeding arm and leg related trouble,
…Archy sprints over, tears off Stevo’s arm with his bare hands, and seals his terrible leg wound with the bloody stump! He’s practically as good as new!
”Crikey mate! Er… thanks?”Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin:
Severed Arm!…Determined to outdo his violently helpful doppelganger,
Archimedes kind of finds a horse! And a massive hairbrush! Um.
Charge forward into the doors! Lay down suppressing high explosive fire should resistance be encountered!
…Davy Crockett looks on first with approval at
Archimedes’ unorthodox medical techniques, and then with disgust at
Archimedes’ new mount. His cheeks flush with a mixture of embarrassment and rage. He is a man, dammit! An American man! To prove the point he charges forward towards the open doors, guns blasting away in a storm of high explosive awesomeness!
Suddenly he realises there’s
a cat on his head!
And he notices that he seems to have set much of the vomit around the doors on fire!
The fire is spreading!
Then it decided to Cling onto Davy Crockett for the ride and hopefully vault upwards to a higher vantage point, infiltrating the base thru them ventilation shafts or what'sit called.
And if that's not possible, Davy's clothes looked like a good vantage point too!
The aforementioned
cat, licking its claws clean of crocodile guts as it gazes amongst the carnage of broken nazi bodies, thinks back to its past. He thinks back to his beloved teachers. Schrödinger. His mother Mewmew. That box that he thought was a fellow cat for at least three weeks after Schrödinger drew a pair of eyes on it. Ogami-dono, the blessed sensei of his ninja dojo.
Seeing
Davy Crockett charge into battle, he quickly sprints the dozen metres between them, leaps onto Crockett’s head, hides for a second or two amidst the beavery undergrowth, and then backflips over the doorframe and onto the roof of the DinoNest!
He searches!
He seeks!
He hides in the shadows!
…Schrödinger’s Cat finds… a ventilation shaft!
He rubs his midriff up against it in satisfaction, spotting another shaft to his right as he does so.
He can’t quite decide upon which one he most wants to urinate.
Paul McCartney attempts to run through the doors to the DinoHITLER's base on his own! If they won't open, he smacks them upside the doorknob with his newly-indestructible guitar! He gives the doors a light smack for good measure anyway!
With
Crockett advancing fearlessly without the rest of his friends,
Paul McCartney ums. And then ers. And then reaches a terrifying decision:
"Oh, bother! I'll go on without you all!"…Running blindly forward, McCartney suddenly trips over a nearby piece of Crockett vomit, smacks himself in the head with his guitar, and rolls head over heels into the bubbling crocodile pit!
"Um. Hello! Bother!"He seems to have made several new friends!
He can barely make them out amongst the virulent gut-froth!
Wrestle my way through the air to help McCartney!!
But never fear! Suddenly the one man in the known universe you’d probably choose if you were suddenly faced by seven hungry crocodiles suddenly appears, wrestling wildly through the air and landing just in front of the baffled Beatle!
…”Crikey mate! Shame I’ve only got one bloody arm left, eh! Oh blimey, who’s been doing all this bloody chundering, mate? I’m bloody well waist high in vomit. Crikey!”The crocodiles bare their teeth and advance!
MEANWHILE…
Meanwhile, in the entrance to the DinoNest,
Davy Crockett, scarcely believably for all they had to do this turn was go through a very large open door, stands alone.
He is in the DinoNest.
”Chaps!” he says, momentously and to himself.
”We stand on the threshold of greatness! We are mere minutes away from destroying the greatest tyrant the universes have ever known! We are entering… THE DINONEST!”In the semi-darkness, he can see that to the left of him lies a door. And to the right of him lies a door.
The left door is marked with a large picture, about three feet by two feet.
The right door is similarly marked by a large picture.
”Arg!” cries Crockett.
”What horror is this before me? What trap hast yon archfiend DinoHitler set for us?! A CHOICE OF DOORS??!”
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:None.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Five Legendary Crocodile Hunter
Status: Covered and waist high in sick. -1 to arms.
Inventory: Khaki Coloured Sequinned Shorts, Mate!,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 100/100] |
Severed Arm!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Acrocalypse Now,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Five Legendary Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered and waist high in sick.
Inventory: 100% Sequin Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
Bring out the Band!,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Five Terror Knight of Lumithos
Status: Alternatively Armed. -2 to arms. Covered in sick.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed arm (in face), severed left arm (in face), severed right arm (in face), severed left (?) leg (in face), severed face (on face, but the wrong way round),
Triplearmlegupsidedownfaceface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Severed Right Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll!,
Butter His Head,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger’s Cat, Level Five Quantum Caticist
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I, Spectacles.
Wounds: [HP:10/10]Skills: NineEight Lives,
Quantum Cat,
Master of Uncertainty,
Quantum Fur Balls,
Cat Reflexes,
Cat Sized,
Sickly NO NO NO NO NO.
edit: spelling typo mistake
further edit: Just noticed Paul's penalty for athletic movement (i.e. running), althought it wouldn't have been much worse anyway, except perhaps I should edit in something about falling into an open crocodile mouth. Hmm.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249625 times)