THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN ONE!
Paul McCartney runs toward the holding his guitar about his head to deflect head-liquefying machine guy strikes!
"Gentlemen, you may-" says
Crockett, as he reaches upwards.
"Let's head through, boys!" interrupts
McCartney, lifting his indestructible shiny guitar to his head and getting ready to, metaphorically, go over the top.
"Last chance!"…Paul McCartney leaps to his feet as the machine gun bullets stream around him. He charges forward! The bullets bounce off! The light shines brightly off the many silvery sequins! The reflections are tremendous! He runs as fast as he can towards the left-most bunker, and suddenly the bullets abruptly stop…
Unleash the horror of the Triplearmlegupsidedownfaceface! Advance to the doors in the vomity confusion!
"-Wish to avert your eyes..." finishes
Crockett, as
McCartney rushes rashly in front of him.
"Oh well.”There’s a barely noticeable rustling sound and then…
…And then the bullets from the bunkers abruptly stop! There’s a few seconds of silence; then a few more seconds of groaning and grunting, and then-
Suddenly Davy Crockett notices the tremendous reflections of Paul McCartney’s silvery sequiny guitar-shield!
An uncontrollable torrent of the repulsive remains of whatever godforsaken animal Crockett seems to have eaten for breakfast spews out of the hideous Terror Knight’s misshapen facehole!
It
…blasts the running McCartney to the floor, where he surfs along on the vomitwave a dozen metres until he shoots straight through the left-most bunker’s machine gun slit. He comes face to face with four DinoNazis manning a machine gun! They are all being violently sick on the floor! It is up to their knees!
In the bunker on the right, similar vomity confusion reigns.
The machine gun is silent.
But the gutjuice is not! Soon the distant bowienauts spy rivers of sick leaking vigorously out of the machine gun slits. The DinoNazis inside flee in fear of a horrifying drowning death! They run straight towards the bowienauts!
Just then Davy Crockett recovers from his burst of vomiting and prepares to dash towards the steel doors in the confusion. But no! He is violently sick once more, and vomits with such force that he propels himself backwards, and he falls to the floor, face up and still vomiting! A fountain of burning sick blasts up into the sky and monsoons back down onto his awful face!
The entire expanse of ground between the bowienauts and the steel nazidoors is now covered in a thick coating of lumpy, writhing sick, and the small river it forms begins to gently float Davy Crockett away towards the nearest low point: the crocodile pit!
Archimedes Alpha: Multiplication + Healing Steve
Archimedes Beta: Multiplication + Activating the laser against the Nazi generator compound. I heard Unleaded Hate 95 is rather volatile.
"So," says
Archimedes Alpha (or Beta) to
Archimedes Beta (or Alpha).
"So, we got 12 Mark III Nazi-turrets about to open fire upon us, should they get the power back online. Each firing 300 bullets a second, as oposed to the 5 rounds/second of their foot soldiers. Oh, and some crocodiles, which do an average of one bite a second. Now, with the turrets online, we be dead, chaps. However, the chance of being hit by anything other than the miniguns is only 0.6%.""Meaning that with the minigun turrets offline, we barely have a chance of dying."…"Quite. Let's get on with it then. I’ll start by multiplying the powers of our unfortunate enemies and then punching Stevo in the face at a crucial point in his deadly combat against the crocodile horde!"…"Ok! Good plan! And I’ll multiply our own powers and blast this damned nazi generator to Hell!""Excellent idea, old chap!" "Ooh, I say. That’s quite an explosion!""Jolly good show, old bean! Wait, wasn’t Hugh Grant hanging around over there?""Blast.""Mrrreaa?"
The Quantum Cat lifted its head from the dusty soil, curious at the sudden interruption of leather boot relaxation time. Now, it wasn't the horrible noise rising far above it, or the other horrible noise from far around them, but the sight of a reptilian - a croc just like the other one on Davy's foot - which raised its ire.
It poked the other cat next to it, somewhat similar to itself, which in turn nudged the other cat next to it as the trio began their silent coordination, complete with complimentary hissing, extension of claws and the baring of teeth.
{Master of Uncertainty}
If possible, STRIKE AT THE ENEMY! CHARGE!
Next to the
Archimedes, Schrödinger’s Cat sees
Davy Crockett floating past on his back and a sea of sick towards a hole and a horde of far right crocodiles. There’s only one thing to do!
Activate the Holo-Schrödinger’s Cats!
Suddenly all three cats bare their teeth, shoot out their claws, and charge the dozen crocodiles!
…With a sharp swipe of his claws, one of Schrödinger’s Cats slices off the lead crocodiles legs!
The crocodile almost immediately bleeds to death!
The remaining eleven crocodiles stare angrily at the three cats.
Split up and charge Schodinger’s Cat/s and Davy Crockett, who is very close to encroaching on our territory!
After witnessing the bloody and violent death of their leader, the remaining crocodiles are quite irritated.
…Half a dozen of them charge at the three cats responsible, immediately tearing one hologram to holoshreds, smashing the head off another, and accidentally biting another croc’s head off in a desperate attempt to take down the remaining and real
Schrödinger’s Cat!
The last four crocodiles face off with Schrödinger’s Cat, gently floating towards the crocodile pit on the river of vomit!
The other five head towards
Davy Crockett, defenceless and also floating, when suddenly
Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, wades through the ankle high bodily waste and jumps between Crockett and the crocs!
”Crikey mates! Ah balls to this, I don’t have time – you’re all goners, you nazi bastards! Here, have some flamin’ Aussie!”Croc wrestle all crocs in submission.
Jumping onto the front croc,
Steve Irwin …rips his face off, backflips away, and beheads the second croc with the first croc’s jawbone! Blood shoots out of the first croc’s severed face, and he falls down dead!
Smelling the sweet smell of victory over the pungent smell of endless Davy-puke, Stevo advances on the next three hapless nazicrocs, when suddenly one of the
Archimedes leaps over and punches him repeatedly in the back of the head! He falls over face down into the layer of Crockett vomit, and the crocodiles move in!
…”Awwwwwww crikey mates!” cries Stevo, flailing about in Davy’s vomit as one of the crocs crunches his leg in two.
”You’re a feisty bugger!”Jumping to his foot, Stevo snatches his leg out of the jaws of the feistiest croc, and smashes him about the head with it, piercing his brain and causing massive bleeding, mate! He looks like he’s about to die next turn!
Turning to face the last two crocodiles, Steve Irwin quickly rams his leg back into place.
The crocs circle him, eyeing his juicy legs greedily.
Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin:
Very Heavy Leg Bleeding!
Please note the vomit is not burning.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:Both DinoNazis and bowienauts have +1 maths bonus to attack rolls for the next two turns.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Five Legendary Crocodile Hunter
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: Khaki Coloured Sequinned Shorts, Mate!,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 70/100] |
Very Heavy Right Arm Bleeding! |
Very Heavy Leg Bleeding!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Acrocalypse Now,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Five Legendary Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered in sick.
Inventory: 100% Sequin Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
Bring out the Band!,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Five Terror Knight of Lumithos
Status: Alternatively Armed. -2 to arms. Covered in sick.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed arm (in face), severed left arm (in face), severed right arm (in face), severed left (?) leg (in face), severed face (on face, but the wrong way round),
Triplearmlegupsidedownfaceface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Severed Right Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll!,
Butter His Head,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger’s Cat, Level Five Quantum Caticist
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I, Spectacles.
Wounds: [HP:10/10]Skills: NineEight Lives,
Quantum Cat,
Master of Uncertainty,
Quantum Fur Balls,
Cat Reflexes,
Cat Sized,
Sickly Four crocs facing Schrödinger’s Cat, and two (plus one who will bleed to death next turn) facing Steve Irwin.
Turns are kind of in initiative order. I decided crocodiles don’t have the intellectual capabilities to benefit from Archimedes’ maths misfire, but the DinoNazis do.
So, I was checking Crockett’s status to check how the vomit would work, and I noticed he has… quite a face. Gosh.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249231 times)