TURN ELEVEN!
Somewhere in the jungle, by a large black box…
"Achtung, men!" shouts
Erwin Schrödinger, clapping his hands with a wide smile.
"You aren't the quarry I am so used to catching! And so slow are you to the speaking! Why are you hurting my dinofeline friends?!”No one replies. The
naked man to whom he spoke stands there,
…wrapping several metres of bandages around his lightly scratched rippling six pack.
This done, he stands there, thoughtful.
He wraps his stone leg with some of the bandages too.
"Bah, no matter. You insult me by your presence, and you insult my knowledge of planes, too?"Anyway, fix own wounds, grab clothes, which for some reason disappeared again, then, go look for our friends.
Still ignoring the man who, he figures, could just as well not be there as in fact be there,
Archimedes grabs his nearby pterodactyl leather dress, slings it over his shoulder, and heads a little way down down the trail, towards where he imagines his friends to be, his stone leg clumping heavily after him.
Somewhere in the jungle, a little way down the trail from the large black box…
Fix face by shoving Edward's severed arm into face to make TRIPLEARMLEGFACE
"This is just what I need for my collection!" shouts
Davy Crockett gleefully, in the jungle somewhere, a little way down the trail from a large black box. Holding Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s arm before him like a medieval crown, he bends on one knee, grits his teeth,
…and smacks himself right in the broken face with the severed dino-limb.
He falls over sideways to the ground with the pain.
Ouch!
”Oucchhh!” whimpers the once proud but now mostly severed dinosaur.
”The pain!”Help Edward! Somehow. Knowledge of reptiles, perhaps?
”Don’t worry mate!” says
Steve Irwin, crouching down nakedly next to Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex,
”I’ll save you! You know, fella, I’ve wrestled an awful lotta crocs in my time, so, by crikey, I’m sure I can do something with…”…Suddenly Stevo spots Edward’s severed tail wriggling about in the undergrowth. He leaps in after it,
…and wrestles the blighter into submission!
”Crikey mate! How you feeling now, fella?””Oh!” says Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
”Much be- Oh God, no, the pain! Ouch!”Paul McCartney then switched his focus to the box he had caught brief glimpses of a DINOCAT being sucked into. That must be where Archimedes was! He knew of only one thing to do. He had to overload the box. But with what? Oh, right. He would get by... with a little help from his friends.
As
Davy Crockett collapses in pain,
Paul McCartney recoils in horror.
"My God."He decides instead to dash up the jungle path where he had caught brief glimpses of… SOME KIND OF DASTARDLY BOX?
Paul McCartney recoils in horror again, his pleasant and once innocent mind aghast at the terrors man wreaks upon his fellow beings! The only thing he can do – surely – is to summon a storm of otherworldly frogs!
Stopping and crouching on one knee, McCartney points both arms up the trail and starts to sing.
…Suddenly clouds form, the sky darkens to a deep green, and a vast torrent of frogs blasts down from above, spurting right into the scientific black box!
A hundred frogs; a thousand frogs; TEN THOUSAND FROGS rain down, shooting through the box and disappearing into the uncertain void within!
Suddenly there is an enormous cracking sound; a horrifying breach in the jungle plane opens up, splitting the box from end to end, and then! Lo! A thousand foot tall dinofrogcat bursts out, towering terrifyingly above the entire world about!
Just as suddenly it disappears, sucking down like a whirlwind into the fiendish black box.
And just as suddenly it reappears, in a repulsive new form of HALFDINOFROGCAT, blood and guts and even raw pulsing brain visible down the horrible sliced open side, reptilian scales and furry fur mixing with the long slimy frog tongue of an old world long since banished, but come to return at McCartney’s command!
The HALFDINOFROGCAT speaks out of its halfmouth, its one eye staring balefully down at the puny creatures below as bits of it drip down the vertical open wound where its middle once was.
”You!” it rasps with a voice like… a mutated halfdinofrogcat,
”You have summoned me! But I am summonable by no man! I… am… HALFDINOFROGCAT, TERRY, THE GOD OF SMALL AND TERRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE SOMEHOW GROWN FAR TOO LARGE! AND I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!”Terry the HALFDINOFROGCAT god immediately stomps down with his one rear foot, smashing down upon where
… Paul McCartney stood just half a second ago.
McCartney gets up from the bush he’s just rolled into, and stares upwards, straining his neck and his eyes to see the top of the monstrosity his musical talent has just brought forth.
"My God."Suddenly a thousand foot long halftongue darts forth, shooting into the undergrowth and snapping up the broken body of Peter the Dinocat Shaman, reeling it back in and gobbling it up as a human might gobble up a breath of air.
Catsploitator > anyone who hurts poor Peter!
Schrödinger looks on with a mixture of anger and barely concealed science-excitement. But suddenly he realises his loss!
"W-What have you done to Peter?!"Schrödinger drops to his knees in despair.
"Peter!" he cries, seeing the friend with whom he’d spent so many long evenings sipping Gewurztraminer and discussing the evils of political extremism gobbled up by a monstrously long tongue.
"No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!""Very well. Have it your way. Intrude upon my territory, will you?! Summon a thousand foot tall HALFDINOFROGCAT god of darkness, will you?!" he shouts, at Archimedes and the bowienaut in the bush. He turns to face the thousand foot tall god of small and terrible things that have somehow grown far too large.
"Eat the body of my friend, will you?! I CALL FORTH UPON THEE A PLAGUE OF YON FINEST CATS! BEHOLD!"Turning in a slow circle, Erwin Schrödinger points his finger out towards his many foes,
…spuming forth an endless blast of cats, slowing down reality itself with a catsplosion of lovely purring kitties!
As a treacle of cats stops all about him, the deadly quantum physicist points his other hand upwards towards the towering half-god.
"Take this, you bastard!"He fires a cat directly out of his sleeve. It shoots forth,
…causing Terry to jump aside to dodge the incoming catmissile.
When he lands the earth doth tremble!
Sorry, I need to do a map. You're all in the jungle with a thousand foot tall half god. There are also some trees? Assume though that you are all now quite close, brought together by the joy of thousand foot tall half gods.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:All characters except for Schrödinger slowed by the catsplosion until it is culled (Schrödinger effectively has double turns).
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Four Veteran Crocodile Hunter
Status: Naked.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 100/100]Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Four Veteran Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered in blood and sick.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Four Veteran King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Naked. -1 to melee. -1 to legs. -1 to further facial wounds.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmlegface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:51/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Broken Right Arm! |
Severed Leg! |
Broken Face!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll! You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Four Veteran Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick. Naked again! -1 to Leg. -1 to Movement.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Stone Leg!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger, Quantum Physicist
Status: Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. II,
Quantum Mechanics, Vol. IIIWounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Catsploitator,
Master of Cats,
Theorist of Uncertainty,
Master of Uncertainty,
Sickly Edward: 35/100. Severed Leg. Very Heavy Bleeding. Severed Front Leg. Heavy Bleeding. Severed End of Tail. Very Heavy Bleeding. Severed Body. Very Heavy Bleeding.
Lone Dinocat: 10/10
Terry, THE GOD OF SMALL AND TERRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE SOMEHOW GROWN FAR TOO LARGE
Wounds: [HP:200/200]Skills: DEMIDEATHTONGUE,
FAR TOO LARGE,
FROGINATOR,
STOMPATRON.
HALFGOD.
The depiction of “Davy Crockett and the Fifth Arm Incident” has been added to the second post. Thank you freeformschooler.
I will take suggestions both for Terry and the Lone Dinocat
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 248619 times)