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Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248550 times)

Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Last Call For Steve Irwin!
« Reply #75 on: February 29, 2012, 03:24:22 am »

Help the others with the cattybaras.
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #76 on: February 29, 2012, 07:35:39 am »

CHAPTER ONE: TURN EIGHT

Activate Multiply this then take cover and lie down for a nap



A little stunned from his recent journey, Archimedes quickly grasps the seriousness of the situation at hand. He lies down in the cart and takes a nap!

... Two seconds later he jumps to his feet. He forgot to calculate the safety or otherwise of the slowly moving trailer! Steadying himself, he measures the various angles and distances with his experienced mathemagician’s eye, draws some vaguely arcane symbols in the air, and shouts out some algebraic advice to his comrades.

“I say!” he says, “Don’t forget that a2 - b2 totally = (a - b)(a + b)!”

They suddenly feel a wave of mathematical focus wash over them!

... Taking a second to estimate the speed and weight distribution of the still moving cart, Archimedes now feels safe enough to lie down for a doze. Alas! He lies down on his bruised backside, increasing the severe bruising! It doesn’t stop him from breaking into a heavy snore though.

Charge with the Crocko-Foot and stab/bite the horde of cattybara!



"Forward, Boone!” cries out Davy Crockett. “Let's get you a cattybara-skin cap!"

... Faced with inevitable and bloody hand to hand combat with the cattybara horde, Davy Crockett realises that the only thing to do is to embrace Boone’s bloodlust, and indeed to use it for Good! He charges into a vicious melee, surprising the half dozen communist minions with the ferocity of his assault!

Leaping at the nearest catlike miniature fiend, ... he stabs it right through the face, getting his bowie knife stuck in the communist’s brain! ... As he struggles to free his favourite blade, Boone swivels him forcefully round, and Crockett roundhouse bites the next cattybara’s head off! Boone still looks hungry! Flying through the air like a master of kung fu dragged by a fearsome leaping crocodile head, ... Davy Crockett kicks a third cattybara guardsman in the abdomen, bruising the fat!

With two cattybara corpses to feast on, Boone starts nibbling gently on one of the communist’s arms, leaving Davy rooted vulnerably to the spot. The three unwounded catmonsters approach!


The first communist charges at Davy Crockett with a vicious looking hammer: ... he shatters Crockett’s left arm!

Wound Acquired! Davy Crockett: Fractured Left Arm!

Whilst the brave American holds his arm in pain, the second cattybara moves in to finish him off. With his bowie knife stuck and his left arm fractured, ... Crockett has no choice left but to swing his rifle one-handed like a club: he beheads the charging catfiend! The head flies off and bounces of a nearby wall!

Alas! The third communist charges in, stops out of swinging range of the raging Crockett, and raises his communist submachine gun!


Help the others with the cattybaras.



“Miaowwwwhahahaha!” laughs this third cattybara, ”Miaowwwahahahaha!”

He pulls the trigger, spraying hundreds of bullets from his communist clip until a flash of green and gold flies across the middle of the monorail station. Australian National Hero Steve Irwin bursts into action despite his damaged sense of smell, leaping up from the monorail and tackling the cattybara to the ground using his patented Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move! ... He wrestles viciously with the cattybara as bullets fly forth: suddenly the shooting stops. The foolish communist has shot himself repeatedly in the head in the deadly struggle!

“Crikey mate,” says Irwin, in triumph, “You’re a bleedin’ idiot, y’know! You’ve got to be careful with those things! Here, are you all right fella?” he asks, turning to Crockett.

“Thank you kindly, Mr Irwin,” replies Davy Crockett. “I do believe you saved my life with that there fancy move of yours! I might try that the next time I come across an injun or a North American Prairie Badger!”

But suddenly a threatening voice rings out! It’s the cat with the bruised gut fat!

“Hands up, capitalist pigdogs! Not so fast! No-one bruises my gut fat and gets away with it! Or threatens the sanctuary of the Great ChairMan Miaow! You will all die! And I will receive double tuna rations! Ahahahahahah! Miaow!”


Paul McCartney beckons the others to join him in clearing the remaining wave of COMMUNIST CATTYBARAS. He points his guitar at one! He strokes the instrument lovingly! He coaxes it to shoot another GENTLE LOVING BEAM!

Suddenly a terrifying war cry of love and freedom pierces through the din of battle in another last second reprieve based twist!



"Well, what are we waiting for, lads? Come together! Right now!"

It’s Paul McCartney, the Last Beatle! ... A beam of GENTLE LOVE smacks the communist full in the chest! His lips begin to quiver! His eyes begin to well up! He pulls the trigger!

... He can’t do it! He can’t harm his fellow man! He sprays the clip into the air, then throws his weapon to the ground and flees!

“Thank you kindly, Mr McCartney,” exclaims Davy Crockett. “I do believe you saved my life with that there contraption!”

”Cheers mate! That was some good educatin’ you did there to that poor fella. Oh crap! What’s that sound?!”

Two pistol shots ring out from the direction in which the hippybara fled. Through the distant gloom comes striding an imposing figure. It’s none other than a communist commissarybara!!


“Ha!” he shouts in some kind of Russo-Chinese Communist cat language that is strangely enough comprehensible to the four freedom fighters, “Ha! You thought you could so easily infiltrate the sacred HQ of the venerable ChairMan Miaow?! Pffaah! Guardsmen!” he shouts at the monorail, waving his commissar special issue pistol energetically.

“At the capitalist infidels!”

Communist cattybaras start pouring off either side of the Communist Monorail. There must be like a dozen of them or something! The commissar draws his chainsword and flicks a switch. It starts whirring as he advances towards the bowienauts!

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT
+1 to attack rolls, one more turn.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 29, 2012, 11:02:00 am by lawastooshort »
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #77 on: February 29, 2012, 10:25:26 am »

Forward, Boone!  We'll take the big one!

Charge the Commisar with Boone and the Bowie Knife!


I assume I've gotten it free by now- if not, free it first.


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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #78 on: February 29, 2012, 10:31:00 am »

Archimedes rises from his slumber because of the combats noice. Annoyed by this interuption, he grabs his machinegun and attempts to aid his friends by laying down suppressing fire.( Ie shooting in the enemies general direction and hope they can't hit you from where they choose to hide). He doesn't care about the laws of action and reaction though. 

Fire a full clip in the direction of the Cattybarra reinforcements.( Also, the trailer is slowly rolling in the right direction right, and not to an sudden and painfull demise)
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monk12

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #79 on: February 29, 2012, 12:46:04 pm »

This may just be my weakness for cats talking, but the communist commissarybara gave me a good laugh.

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #80 on: February 29, 2012, 01:05:31 pm »

Plus, it looks like the armor is eating a cat.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

monk12

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #81 on: February 29, 2012, 01:45:58 pm »

The more I look at it, the more it reminds me of the time the cat got its head stuck in the snowblower when I was a kid. Less the chainsword and skull motif, obviously.

freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #82 on: February 29, 2012, 06:48:27 pm »

Paul McCartney knows what he must do. He and his allies are going to either sink or float - nothing in between. He composes a song quickly and begins strumming his bruised guitar!

"Hey there Mister Chainsword
Storming down these Commie-quarters
Sirens blaring, shouting orders
Setting Miaow's minions free"

He raises his guitar above his head!

"But here we slide down the commie-rail
On the path of Miaow's commie-trail
Hey there Mister Chainsword
Bet you weren't expecting me"


He runs towards the commissar!

"As my allies slay your kitties
And the fight gets nitty-gritty
Hey there Mister Chainsword
Looks like it's just you and me!"


He leaps into the air with his guitar held high!
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Tiruin

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #83 on: February 29, 2012, 11:22:59 pm »

I really love how this is going. Purge that Cattissar!
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Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #84 on: February 29, 2012, 11:50:41 pm »

Attempt to grapple the Commisarybara and hold him (it?) still
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Yoink

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #85 on: March 01, 2012, 12:31:55 am »

...Way to spoil Paul McCartney's epic moment, Steve! ::)
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Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Eight.
« Reply #86 on: March 01, 2012, 05:21:14 am »

It's what I do? D:
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Nine.
« Reply #87 on: March 01, 2012, 08:08:31 am »

CHAPTER ONE: TURN NINE

Fire a full clip in the direction of the Cattybarra reinforcements.



Somewhat irritated by having his headache-curing nap rudely interrupted by the sound of violent combat and thunderous gunfire, Archimedes rises from his slumber and jumps to his feet. His homies are under attack from all directions!

He rushes to the side of the trailer, whipping out his weapon and resting it on the edge, before crouching down and lining up his targets. Using the power of maths, he decides the best option is to lay down suppressing fire, and he targets the southernmost group of cattybara, determined to keep the enemy split up and his fellow bowienauts safe!

He unloads a full clip in their general direction! ... The communist fiends cower under cover as bullets rain past, ricocheting off many delicate parts of the monorail. ... The foremost cattybara sticks his head round the corner of the monorail to peek at his enemy.

His comrades are covered in his head! They resume cowering!


He raises his guitar above his head! He runs towards the commissar! He leaps into the air with his guitar held high!



Paul McCartney’s the Last Beatle – he knows what he must do! He and his allies are going to either sink or float - nothing in between. He composes a song quickly and begins strumming his bruised guitar!

"Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Storming down these Commie-quarters,
Sirens blaring, shouting orders,
Setting Miaow's minions free!"


As the commissarybara strides forward, nonchalantly executing a nearby coward and traitor to the homeland for glancing backwards, McCartney runs into battle! He raises his beloved acoustic guitar above his head.

"But here we slide down the commie-rail,
On the path of Miaow's commie-trail,
Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Bet you weren't expecting me!"


He rushes at the devilish cattysar!

"As my allies slay your kitties,
And the fight gets nitty-gritty,
Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Looks like it's just you and me!"


... Guitar held high, McCartney leaps at the cattybarassar like some kind of bardic crouching dragon or something! He flies through the air with the force of a hundred thousand pro-democracy protest songs!

Attempt to grapple the Commisarybara and hold him still



Suddenly, out of nowhere appears Australian National Hero Steve “Stevo” Irwin, jumping in front of Paul and leaping up to clamp the commissarabara’s jaws shut! The commissarybara struggles, raising his whirring chainsword and trying to cut off Stevo’s leg! He tries to scratch Steve Irwin in the eye with one of his claws!

“Aww!” cries out Irwin, as he elbows the cattysarabara in the cheek, “He’s a feisty one alright, this guy! But he’s a naughty little fella, trying to spread the doctrine of dangerous Chinese Miaowism and everything – we’re gonna have to take him in for study!”

... Stevo manages to wrestle him to the ground!

“Hey guys,” Steve says to no one in particular, “Is the camera still running mate? Can one of you guys come and hold this little critter’s legs still for a minute?”

Suddenly Paul McCartney flies through the air, leaping straight through where the commissarybara’s head was half a second ago! He lands on his feet, and turns with the rage of stolen thunder in his eyes!

“Christ, Steve! You’re bloody worse than John you know! We agreed I was gonna sing this one AND play the solo!”

Paul raises his guitar! He crashes it down!

... The communist’s head is severely bruised and bleeding!


Seeing their political advisor knocked down by a horde of dirty capitalists, the cattybaras on the northern side of the monorail rush forward to bravely rescue him whilst he valiantly struggles!

Moderately confused by his bruised head and unable to charge, the commissarybara can’t quite get enough force behind his chainsword: he raises his pistol and shoots off a burst at his assailants. He hurriedly squeezes off four shots, ... horribly wounding Paul in the neck and narrowly missing Steve ..., but in his confusion he accidentally executes two of the cattybaras in the head!

Wound Acquired! Paul McCartney: Heavy Neck Bleeding!

With their morale considerably raised by the executions, the two remaining northern cattybaras charge onwards. One jumps onto Paul McCartney’s head, trying desperately to claw his eyes off! ... But Paul has the better of him, and drags him off, swinging him by the leg against the nearby wall! He splatters the wall with bits of cat! And bits of bara! The last cattybara plants his feet, unwilling to advance further into the onslaught, and decides instead to empty his submachine gun at the charging crocko-footed frontiersman. ... His trembling paws miss completely!

Charge the Commissar with Boone and the Bowie Knife!



Communist bullets flying all about them, Davy Crockett and faithful Boone charge forward ferociously, for Texas and for Freedom!

”Forward, Boone!  We'll take the big one!”

The commissarybara’s head is bruised and bleeding and his legs are being grappled by an Australian Croc Hunter, and now the King of the Wild Frontier is here! Davy charges with his snapping foot, ... backflipping through the air towards the catty avatar of Miaowist Fundamentalism, Bowie Knife thrust forwards. ... Davy Crockett flies straight through the communist’s abdomen, spilling his guts and severing his liver and fracturing his spine! Boone swivels round in time to see the commisarybara fall into two upon the ground, legs still struggling against the Australian and blood pouring down his face from the awful guitar wound.

... Boone bites off the communist’s pistol hand! Blood sprays everywhere!

With one last desperate lunge, the commissar strikes forward with the still whirring chainsword in a flash of chain and sword, ... but Paul dodges out of the way like a dancing minstrel!

The communist keels over onto the ground. He’s totally dead!


“Whoa,” says Paul. “He was, like, some kind of communist Boss!”

“Yep,” agrees Stevo. “And we totally killed him in that Fight! Nice one fellas!”

Davy just stands there, drenched in communist blood as Boone gnaws contentedly on communist leg.

The remaining northern cattybara foot soldier flees in terror!

All at once the bowienauts feel a wave of slight nausea wash over them, but then they all feel aglow with righteous democratic power!

The Magnificent Timelord’s magnificent voice crackles over the neuro-intercom-link.

“Hey, young dudes, and stuff. Our scientists have worked out that roughly about now you should have all recovered a small percentage of the health you lost during the temporal distortions I had to operate to bring you here. Totally check the spoilered part of the message in your uh neural inbox to see what I mean, man. Freaky. Whoa, I nearly forgot: they – you know, those groovy scientists – have detected that there are vast numbers of communist reinforcements en route to Miaow’s pyramid, slightly faster than first predicted. You’ve really got to motor guys, you’ve got probably five minutes before the whole area is swarming with mad communist fanatics… Have you found that monorail yet? You need to follow it. See if you can find a map in the station or something. There’s probably a stop marked ChairMan Miaow’s lair. Probably. Yeah. Hey, not now baby, I’m busy. Ooooh.”

TOTAL LEVEL UP!

Spoiler: Enemies (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)


VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT
None.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: March 01, 2012, 08:25:53 am by lawastooshort »
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Nine.
« Reply #88 on: March 01, 2012, 09:59:17 am »

"Come on, lads! No time for song and dance! Ignore the cattybaras!"

Paul McCartney rushes out through the north!
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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts of Freedom. Turn Nine.
« Reply #89 on: March 01, 2012, 10:52:01 am »

"A map, eh?  Useful things, those."

Find the map!  If the cattybaras act up, throw discarded body parts at them to demoralize them.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.
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