CHAPTER ONE: TURN THIRTEEN
See if I can open the steel door.
“Crikey, that’s not a door, that’s a challenge, mate!”Overjoyed at suddenly regaining his sight,
Stevo sees the door in front of him and gives it an almighty push!
...He smashes it off its hinges, and the door goes flying through the main barracks beyond! It tears through the
assembled squadron of fanatically communist cattybaras, showering body parts and blood all over the bunk beds and lockers, throwing severed internal
organs and
fur all over the carefully laid out communist meals!
Seeing twenty of their comrades mercilessly cut down by flying capitalist steel, the remaining ten cattybara guardsmen look really riled, mate!
The room becomes a sudden
hubbub of confusion as cattybaras rush around, knocking into each other as they dash for their guns and their uniforms.
ChairMan Miaow’s lair must be under attack!Suddenly an enormously loud hooting siren starts to sound!
OHIO LEAP straight at them! Stab with the knife and chomp with the foot.
The startled communists and the startled
King of the Wild Frontier both speak at once, the cattybaras in a questioning whine and the American in a tone that almost sounds pleased.
"Boone? Feedin' time."...Before they can even so much as move a good old fashioned American inch,
Davy Crockett leaps into the elevator towards them with the speed and strength of a seasoned river leaper! As he leaps
straight through one cattybara’s brain his deadly sharp bowie knife
...narrowly misses the left hand guardsman's throat whilst
Boone flies past and
...tears off the right hand guardsman’s head.
Crockett and Boone
swivel on the spot to face the final communist;
...he smacks Davy in the face with the butt of his submachine! Crockett’s face is
broken!Wound Acquired! Davy Crockett:
Broken Face!… … … … … …
Davy Crockett comes to, woken by the gentle sound of the elevator dinging once more. He looks around him to find the elevator
covered in blood, and three partially eaten cattybara corpses scattered about the floor. As the door opens, he peers cautiously out of the lift to see a vast room filled with barrels and crates and boxes stacked from floor to ceiling. An
ominous whirring noise seems to be coming from the other side of the room, and a strange purring noise seems to be coming from close by.
He looks down to see
Boone contented and snoring.
… … … … … ...
After a second or two Crockett has a sudden thought.
“Hey – perhaps it wasn't that gentle dinging sound that woke me from my shameful slumber. Perhaps it was that deafening alarm siren! Oh good Lord, that don't sound like nothing righteous and American! No sir!”Investigate the monorail, try not to get shot. Follow Paul and help him with the monorail.
Following his patched up companion
Paul McCartney – the Last Beatle –
Archimedes of Syracuse heads down to the Communist Monorail,
hoping not to get shot. He pulls out his gun and advances cautiously up to the strange machine. Nobody seems to be about – those
damn commie cattybaras must have fled the fearsome suppressing fire from his liberated submachine gun!
Reaching the door to the cabin and whipping out his jimmy bar, he gives it a good hard pull.
...It's jammed shut!
"Bother!" he shouts, trying to get down with these crazy futuristic kids.
Paul McCartney ignores his companions taking down the Cattybaras and dashes for the commie-rail. He attempts to hijack it and force it to start.
Ignoring the sound of desperate life and death struggle behind him,
Paul McCartney dashes to the Communist Monorail with Archimedes covering his back. He peeks up into the driver's cabin as the Greek tries to force it open – he can't
see anyone inside.
But
Archimedes is defeated by the door!
“Here, mate, gimme that. Look – you've got to have the right technique, you know. It's all in the wrists. I've done er I've er seen it done dozens of times. Our George, he's an expert y'know.”...Paul grabs the jimmy bar! He forces the monorail cabin door open!
The hiding driverbara leaps out from behind the driver's chair, claws outstretched as he goes straight for Paul's beautiful
hazel eyes!
Alas for the cattybara: Paul is quicker with his guitar than
James Coburn with a knife in that film.
... In one flowing move he reaches out his hand for the neck of his acoustic, draws it over his shoulder, and brings it crashing down upon the Communist's
communist head! He slashes from waist to shoulder with the return stroke! He smashes him in the face with a final killing
thrust!McCartney throws the lifeless corpse outside the cabin as he clambers across to the driver's seat and checks the glove compartment.
“You are searching for something, musician?” asks Archimedes.
“Just the keys,” replies Paul.
“They normally keep 'em somewhere aro – ah! Bingo!” he exclaims, as he reaches up behind the sunshade.
“Got 'em! Let's go man!”He slots the key into the ignition as Archimedes
slams shut the passenger side door. He turns it, and the engine bursts into life. Paul turns to Archimedes.
“Hey, wanna smoke, man?”Archimedes' reply is lost as a deafening alarm siren starts to sound, all but visibly filling the air with noise.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Two Crocodile Hunter
Status: Broken eye. -1 to ranged attacks. Fractured nose. -1 to smelling.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate, Turned Chinese Red Crocodile (healthy).
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Broken Left Eye! |
Fractured Nose!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Two Beatle
Status: Bashed his head. -1 to intelligence.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:54/75] |
Heavy Neck Bleeding! |
Heavy Upper Body Bleeding! ǀ
Bruised Head!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Two King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Fractured arm. -1 to two handed weaponry. -1to defence rolls.
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone.
Wounds: [HP:71/75] |
Fractured Left Arm! |
Light Gut Bleeding! |
Broken Face!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Two Philosopher
Status: -1 blurred vision attack penalty.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit.Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Heavy Head Bruising!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Absent Minded! 
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 247264 times)