CHAPTER ONE: TURN NINE
Fire a full clip in the direction of the Cattybarra reinforcements.
Somewhat
irritated by having his headache-curing nap rudely interrupted by the sound of violent combat and thunderous gunfire,
Archimedes rises from his slumber and jumps to his feet. His homies are under attack from all directions!
He rushes to the side of the trailer, whipping
out his weapon and resting it on the edge, before crouching down and lining up his targets. Using the
power of maths, he decides the best option is to lay down suppressing fire, and he targets the southernmost group of cattybara, determined to keep the enemy split up and his fellow bowienauts safe!
He unloads a
full clip in their general direction!
... The communist fiends cower under cover as bullets rain past, ricocheting off many delicate parts of the monorail.
... The foremost cattybara sticks his head round the corner of the monorail to peek at his enemy.
His comrades are
covered in his head! They resume cowering!
He raises his guitar above his head! He runs towards the commissar! He leaps into the air with his guitar held high!
Paul McCartney’s the Last Beatle – he knows what he must do! He and his allies are going to either sink or float - nothing in between. He composes a song quickly and begins
strumming his bruised guitar!
"Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Storming down these Commie-quarters,
Sirens blaring, shouting orders,
Setting Miaow's minions free!"As the commissarybara strides forward,
nonchalantly executing a nearby coward and traitor to the homeland for glancing backwards, McCartney runs into battle! He raises his beloved acoustic guitar above his head.
"But here we slide down the commie-rail,
On the path of Miaow's commie-trail,
Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Bet you weren't expecting me!"He
rushes at the devilish cattysar!
"As my allies slay your kitties,
And the fight gets nitty-gritty,
Hey there Mister Chainsword,
Looks like it's just you and me!"... Guitar held high, McCartney leaps at the cattybarassar like some kind of bardic crouching dragon or
something! He flies through the air with the force of a hundred thousand pro-democracy protest songs!
Attempt to grapple the Commisarybara and hold him still
Suddenly, out of nowhere appears
Australian National Hero Steve “Stevo” Irwin, jumping in front of Paul and leaping up to clamp the commissarabara’s jaws shut! The commissarybara struggles, raising his whirring chainsword and trying to cut off Stevo’s
leg! He tries to scratch Steve Irwin in the
eye with one of his claws!
“Aww!” cries out Irwin, as he elbows the cattysarabara in the cheek,
“He’s a feisty one alright, this guy! But he’s a naughty little fella, trying to spread the doctrine of dangerous Chinese Miaowism and everything – we’re gonna have to take him in for study!” ... Stevo manages to wrestle him to the ground!
“Hey guys,” Steve says to no one in particular,
“Is the camera still running mate? Can one of you guys come and hold this little critter’s legs still for a minute?”Suddenly
Paul McCartney flies through the air, leaping straight through where the commissarybara’s head was half a second ago! He lands on his feet, and turns with the rage of stolen
thunder in his eyes!
“Christ, Steve! You’re bloody worse than John you know! We agreed I was gonna sing this one AND play the solo!”Paul raises his guitar! He crashes it down!
... The communist’s head is
severely bruised and bleeding!
Seeing their political advisor knocked down by a horde of
dirty capitalists, the cattybaras on the northern side of the monorail rush forward to bravely rescue him whilst he valiantly struggles!
Moderately confused by his bruised head and unable to charge,
the commissarybara can’t quite get enough force behind his chainsword: he raises his pistol and shoots off a burst at his assailants. He hurriedly squeezes off four shots,
... horribly wounding
Paul in the neck and narrowly missing
Steve ..., but in his confusion he accidentally executes two of the cattybaras
in the head!Wound Acquired! Paul McCartney:
Heavy Neck Bleeding!With their morale considerably raised by the executions, the two remaining northern cattybaras charge onwards. One jumps onto
Paul McCartney’s head, trying desperately to claw his eyes off!
... But Paul has the better of him, and drags him off, swinging him by the leg against the nearby wall! He splatters the wall with bits of cat! And bits of bara! The last cattybara plants his feet, unwilling to advance further into the onslaught, and decides instead to empty his
submachine gun at the charging crocko-footed
frontiersman.
... His trembling paws miss completely!
Charge the Commissar with Boone and the Bowie Knife!
Communist bullets flying all about them,
Davy Crockett and
faithful Boone charge forward ferociously, for Texas and for Freedom!
”Forward, Boone! We'll take the big one!”The commissarybara’s head is bruised and bleeding and his legs are being grappled by an
Australian Croc Hunter, and now the King of the Wild Frontier is here! Davy charges with his snapping foot,
... backflipping through the air towards the catty avatar of
Miaowist Fundamentalism, Bowie Knife thrust forwards.
... Davy Crockett flies straight through the communist’s abdomen, spilling his
guts and severing his
liver and
fracturing his spine! Boone swivels round in time to see the commisarybara fall into two upon the ground, legs still struggling against the Australian and blood pouring down his face from the
awful guitar wound.
... Boone bites off the communist’s pistol hand! Blood sprays
everywhere!With one
last desperate lunge, the commissar strikes forward with the still whirring chainsword in a flash of chain and sword,
... but Paul dodges out of the way like a dancing minstrel!
The communist keels over onto the ground. He’s
totally dead!
“Whoa,” says
Paul.
“He was, like, some kind of communist Boss!”“Yep,” agrees
Stevo.
“And we totally killed him in that Fight! Nice one fellas!”Davy just stands there, drenched in communist blood as
Boone gnaws contentedly on communist leg.
The remaining northern cattybara foot soldier flees in terror!
All at once the bowienauts feel a wave of slight nausea wash over them, but then they all feel aglow with righteous democratic power!The
Magnificent Timelord’s magnificent voice crackles over the neuro-intercom-link.
“Hey, young dudes, and stuff. Our scientists have worked out that roughly about now you should have all recovered a small percentage of the health you lost during the temporal distortions I had to operate to bring you here. Totally check the spoilered part of the message in your uh neural inbox to see what I mean, man. Freaky. Whoa, I nearly forgot: they – you know, those groovy scientists – have detected that there are vast numbers of communist reinforcements en route to Miaow’s pyramid, slightly faster than first predicted. You’ve really got to motor guys, you’ve got probably five minutes before the whole area is swarming with mad communist fanatics… Have you found that monorail yet? You need to follow it. See if you can find a map in the station or something. There’s probably a stop marked ChairMan Miaow’s lair. Probably. Yeah. Hey, not now baby, I’m busy. Ooooh.”TOTAL LEVEL UP!
There are four or five cattybara guardsmen suppressed and in cover to the southern side of the monorail.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level One Crocodile Hunter
Status: Broken eye. -1 to ranged attacks. Fractured nose. -1 to smelling. Bloody.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate, Turned Chinese Red Crocodile (healthy).
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Broken Left Eye! |
Heavy Eye Bleeding! |
Fractured Nose!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level One Beatle
Status: Mostly covered in blood.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:70/75] |
Heavy Neck Bleeding!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level One King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Fractured arm. -1 to two handed weaponry. Covered in blood.
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Fractured Left Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level One Philosopher
Status: Bruised backside. -1 to remaining stationary. On a slowly moving trailer.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit..
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Bruised Backside!Skills: Multiply This!,
Absent Minded! The only fair way to do this was to roll for initiative in the four way cattysarabara-bowienaut duel. Turns appear in this rolled order. Also – turns may be rather erratic in promptness and image-filledness for the next week or so, my monitor at home has mostly died
Edit: forgot the cooldowns.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249031 times)