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[Icee77]

Those Greek Phalanxes will be hell for the cataphracts if you attack 'em. Fortunately, the ENEMY GENERAL IS A FOOL

[Stworca]

Those Greek Phalanxes will be hell for the cataphracts if you attack 'em. Fortunately, the ENEMY GENERAL IS A FOOL

The Phalanx stack at Rhodes did a nice job actually. They didn't break formation, chasing my taunts (which has caused Seleucid to get roflstomped).
I actually had to charge them with the cheap-ass pirate mercenaries and eastern-mercs to make their formation open up, and only THEN i could kill them with arrows and cavalry charges.


Here, you can see that they died in large stacks, VERY close to my positions. This is when i charged with the useless mercs. You can also notice on the right flank, that they were surrounding me! (and stayed in formation ALL the time! Pretty good job for an AI)
I had to break them quickly, so as soon as my mercs charged, there were cavalry charges, and archer + slinger + skirmisher focus fire on every place possible. If Greeks got a few feet further, my men would suffer losses.

..and as Sheb pointed out = We only have gold because we pillage, plunder, and sell fake maps. (Exterminating Sidon's pop gave us 20 000 gold though! Egyptian cities at Nile will give that much too! EACH!)

Now.. Romans are an excellent foe to counter my tactics, because i rely on chain morale break, and 99% of roman units have "Excellent Morale" tag.

However, i've meant the humor, kind viewers. Santa being the bloodthirsty Armenian leader, family-friendly game of stoning, hamster being dead... The cheap Poem .. You know.. My cheap attempts at making good.. average.. poor jokes.
It's quite obvious that not everyone laughs at every joke, thus i am always looking for feedback regarding this particular element of the LP.

Also : Thank you for reading!

Now i have to play some more, because i've no material for next updates just yet! 

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

Your jokes are what makes me read this. Their the best part! Now I want to see how good they are when you really try.

[monk12]

I do enjoy the humor- normally there's at least one thing that elicits a chuckle, often more. It's my personal strategy, actually- just throw out a slew and hope a couple stick.

And yes, Cretan Archers are awesome. I'm interested to see you take on Marian Rome myself, as its a feat I've never attempted (I normally get bored playing as one of the eastern factions before I meet them, or curbstomp them pre-Reform when playing as their neighbor.)

[Zrk2]

Do so! Rome is awesome. Burning it down with peasants even more so.

Sigged.

You, sir, are the best tactician I have ever seen in any Total War game. Jesus Christ.

[Kicior]

I think you should spare Seleucids so they can build army made of cataphracts, elephants and chariots

[Stworca]

I think you should spare Seleucids so they can build army made of cataphracts, elephants and chariots

They would need a few good cities to have a chance for that. At the moment, they only have two.
- Hatra that is sieged by Hound, and only has skeleton crew (with all troops going for Seleucia)
- And Damascus, which has another full phalanx stack (which inside a walled city.. sigh)
I believe they also have half-a-stack heading for Bostra.

Egyptians cockblock Jerusalem, and have another full stack heading for Petra PLUS half-a-stack or more left Alexandria a turn ago, and heads for Petra too.
What i think i'm going to do

Spoiler: Das Plan! (click to show/hide)

Army Group "Antioch" will head for Damascus. Stone walls + Full stack of phalanx vs only cav.. no.. i don't want to waste time on that. I'll probably starve them. Unless Hatra falls quickly, and i'll need Seleu faction destroyed to save Seleucia. In which case i'll go for it.
Army Group "Jerusalem" will abandon Petra with only one unit inside (infantry), and hope that the FOOLISH egyptian general sieges the city. They will head for Jerusalem, that i will infiltrate with my Sidon spies (70% to open the gate, or so).
I may switch the two armies, as Antioch has the most powerful units, but we'll see..

Perhaps i'll have "Antioch" go for Jerusalem instead, and "Jerusalem" will block Egyptian armies at Petra. Damascus will have to wait in that case.

As for AG "Alexandria" - the way is open to run Nile red with blood.

In a few turns i hope to see Egypt have only one city left : Salamis (on Cyprus) and Armenia's income jump sky high (it will, trust me!)

But we'll see.

As for romans : If they didn't get Marian Reform yet.. I'll use cheats and give it to them.
Edit : They are actually pretty far away from reforms (I have spies in Italy?! Yes) so Armenia is doing TOO well.
I'll help Romans by adding 12k people to each of their cities, so that reforms will pop in 5 turns.

[IHateOutside]

This was an awesome read. Looking forward to more updates!

[Dsarker]

I'm actually playing R:TW ATM. Julii. I've captured most of Europe, I have 55k in the bank. Only problem is that I have about twenty thousand people, tops.

Including the army.

[Kicior]

How is Partha doing?
EDIT: OMG I just ralised that it's Parthia, not Partha

[Stworca]

How is Partha doing?

They have a mini-army (5 units?) bunkered up in their only city. The city is crap, and Scythia will never attack them. They have no income to ever build a sufficient army to attack Scythia.
The city is far away, and with capital in Antioch, we're talking about 60-80% unrest from distance only, so i doubt i'll bother with them.

However, this is a many-victory-conditions let's play. The first victory condition is wiping out Seleucid Empire (short campaign) and 15 provinces, the second is capturing Rome and  50 provinces. The third is the entire world. Although i'm not sure if i want to bother with the third one. Once (if?) we wipe out Rome, there will be nothing even remotely capable of slowing our troops down.
Barbarians vs Arrows = 0 Armenian loses.

I planned on stopping the LP at first victory, should there be no interest in it, but i'll be continuing till Rome.

[Taricus]

SACK ROME!

[Stworca]

SACK ROME!

I actually have an idea what do to with Rome
It will be unnecessarily bloody, painful and difficult, but i've made up my mind! (even more bloody, painful and difficult due to "ALL OF THE ABOVE" vote leading. But i like blood, unless it's mine.)

[Kicior]

Poor Parthians Can't you give 'em some money so you won't be the only one with cataphracts?

[Stworca]

I had a nice horse archer vs horse archer fight with Scythians, crushed them.. summary screen.. click.. cli---
Windows Auto Update : Fuck you, i'm going to reboot your PC now!
Nooooo!

It took quite a long time, and auto-battle would result in 50000000 casualties (even though we had only 900 men) so the next update has to wait a bit. I don't feel like replaying the battle today.

Sincere regards.