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Author Topic: RTPJ: Tis belongs to Schil now. Have fun.  (Read 88854 times)

Riccto

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 42: Planejumpers' guide to the galaxy
« Reply #660 on: June 13, 2011, 03:20:39 pm »

Or let me install Saftey Dr. Octopus tentacles that have two settings. Save or StabAsTheyTumbleThroughTheAir. The button gets kinda stuck and unstuck some times.

Well, ideally the railings would be retractable, so we don't have to actually kill anyone, just 'fail' to save them.
The Darwin setting?
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choobakka

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 42: Planejumpers' guide to the galaxy
« Reply #661 on: June 13, 2011, 05:36:23 pm »

The turn wont be until 11:00 or so. Maybe not until tomorrow.
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choobakka

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 42: Planejumpers' guide to the galaxy
« Reply #662 on: June 13, 2011, 11:10:24 pm »

Hey! I've added where you all are on the alignment spectrum! Also, regarding the obvious Mary-Sueosity of Dinosaurus Rex's character... SERIOUSLY! I mean, a female pyromaniac ninja demon cannibal wizard? Gods... I really should have banned that abomination...

AVENGE SAM. GO POINTED OBJECT WITH SIMPLE NAME.
You draw Sword and go over to the monster on the ground. You say, "This is for SAM. This is for Fred. This. Is. For. My. ARMS!" (5+1) (dodge:6-1) He moves out of the way, but you still hit him in the (BP:2) chest with Sword. (damage:4+1-1+1) You stab through his exoskeleton and into his heart. He looks up at you, and grins. "Yyyyyou donnnnn't knnnnnowwwww wwwwwhat yyyyyou'vvvvve jussssst donnnnne... Yyyyyou'vvvvve killllled evvvvverrrrryyyyyonnnnne..." Then he expires before you can do any more. A rush of green energy flows from his body to the stone, which begins to glow again.

"Yeah, just snap your fingers and disappear like that, see if I care," Axolisin said. "Don't answer any of my damn questions, not like it'd be the first time that happened." He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders. "All right, let's get our shoppin' done and get moving. We probably ain't got a lot of time now." He went back inside to find some healing potions. After paying for those he would head towards the Underdome; with his luck he was sure he'd have to endure some sort of arena battle before he could get to the stone. I bet the damn paladin just waltzed right up to his frickin' stone and activated it. The golem too. Hell, I'm pretty sure Big Jo's already activated his since he's here and all. Well, I'm not gonna be dead last behind the alchemist, that's for damn sure.
Good riddance. He was no good. You go inside and search for some healing potions. (2) They're all out. Apparently there was a big fire last week, and people needed lots of them. (4) You do find a grappling hook for sale for 50 gp, (6) several sets of daggers and other weapons, of all price ranges (including one that appears to be enchanted with a boomerang spell), (4) and some leather armor for 70 gp. Nothing too fantastic.

Flip the bird at the stupid green fucker and see what weapons are in the store.
You flip the bird at the only stupid green fucker in here. You hurt your feelings. Poor, poor you. You go back to the store to look for weapons. (2) They're out of piratey weapons, too... No rapiers, no cutlasses, no boarding axes... This sucks. (3) They have a little rum, but it's really expensive. (6) Ooooooh... Shiiinnyyyyy... There's a prosthetic arm. It has a hook setting. And a hand setting. And a battleaxe setting. MUST HAVE... (1) And they have no clothes suitable for male pirates. Bummer. There is a sexy pirate uniform of shielding, but it's definitely meant for females. EXTREMELY females. Damn porn ghosts.

Look at you, saving everything. Effortlessly defeating evil liches. Ignoring mazes. Leaving liches alive to terrorize others later. Filling your pockets with stolen gold.

"If I was a bored, evil, and depraved bardic lich, I'd put cursed fake treasure containers near the planar balance stone and hide the real treasure behind a wall somewhere, then capture whichever hero was sent to touch the stone to fix everything ... And stop sulking already, it's getting annoying."

Ignore the obvious traps and touch the stone. Try to land on Ax if, for some strange reason, I get teleported to my companions upon touching it. Seems like the sort of thing that Hooded Man would do.
Time to touch that godsdamned stone. You press your palm to the imprint, and hear a dark voice in your mind. "Thank you, young confused mortal. Death is grateful for your intervention. He will bring you to your friends... Hold still mortal, while he takes you." A hole of pure black opens up beneath you, and you fall through. After floating through a chilly hall of hourglasses, and through a study with a "World's Best Granddad" mug, you are floating over a store. You see the tiefling there. "Thank you mortal. Death will" The voice starts coughing, and when it starts talking again, it sounds like an eighty-year-old man. "Bugger... Hate that voice... Oh, yeah, Death says thanks. He's a little busy with a plague somewhere." You hear a deep voice from the shadowy tunnel behind you. "ALBERT? I NEED SOME HELP WITH THESE SOULS." The voice (Albert?) groans. "Coming. Now go see your bloody friend. Have fun saving the world or whatever." You fall onto the ground in front of the surprised Tiefling. (2 vs 1) Nirur finally takes control of the body, and senses an insane amount of evil penetrating the fabric of this plane.

Offer mah robo-brutha a job. After all, if he's here to protect the stone, then he's not really relevant any more since I'm about to activate it, AND he's pretty heavily disabled. Then, locate these d00ds... err, are they who I think they are?
"Possibly Chaotic interlopers. Or Lawful, but bad logic made them work for Chaos. Aid?" (5+1) "Aid granted. We are PH-47/L3-W7. You may call us PH. Or 'Phat Lewt' if you transliterate the numerical signs into the letters they most closely resemble." Cool. You got a robo-bro. Now it's time to look for the other heroes... You first take the helm and land on the mountain. (1+1) Or try to. You crash lightly, (damage:4-1) scratching the bottom of the house. Which is actually the basement. Or, you know, where the basement used to be before you stole this guy's house. You get out and walk to the summit with Phat Lewt and the twins, leaving Iali to guard the house. There's a ladder descending into darkness.

MEDIC!!!
You ask the priest dude for some healing. He looks at you, says, "Alright..." and waves his hands at you. (2) And fails. (luck:6) Luckily, he doesn't do anything bad. The extra magic sputters away harmlessly. He takes you to a temple. "Here, young dwarf, is the sanctuary to Our Lord Rnasthoth, Dmeon Lord of Incompetence. We will give you His powers, to spread His message." He leads you to the altar, and starts waving an incense stick around you and chanting. (1) He burns his hand on the stick, and drops it into a pile of scrolls, setting a small fire. The extra incompetence surrounding you is enough for a presence to push through and into your body. Now, you are an avatar of Rnasthoth, demon of incompetence! This gives you the power of total incompetence. For any roll anyone around you (friend or foe) makes, I roll twice and then average the two rolls, rounding up. Then I apply any modifiers. So. That's cool. Yup.


Statuses:







Allies:
Spoiler: Iali Boltcut. LN-LG (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: PH-47/L3-W7 (click to show/hide)

Vehicles:

Vortices Found:             Stones Activated:
Plane of Death  √
Abyss √
Plane of Water √                     √
Mechanus √
Celestia √                              √
Wizard's Tower √
Generic Asian Dojo √
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SeriousConcentrate

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #663 on: June 13, 2011, 11:19:43 pm »

"Oh, hells no!" Ax reacted with an immediate 2x facepalm combo. "You're here now? On top of everything else?" What am I, the frickin' babysitter? First the two kids wanna cabbage onto me and now I'm leading the orc and the aasimar around. That'll work out well, an aasimar paladin and a tiefling hanging out here in the plane of shadows. It'll be all I can frickin' do to stop the guy from trying to wallop everything in sight, nevermind my rep's going right into the chamberpots. "Just... take a seat right there and don't do anything, would you?" he asked with a sigh. "I'll be back in a second." He went to buy the grappling hook and boomerang dagger, hoping that the second he turned his back the paladin didn't start smiting.
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SerCon Shorts: This Is How You Do It - Twenty-three one minute or less videos of random stupidity in AC:U, Bloodborne, DS2:SotFS, Salt & Sanctuary, and The Witcher 3.

Riccto

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #664 on: June 13, 2011, 11:31:20 pm »

action: Epic repair / upgrade/ surgery sequence before any stone touching
« Last Edit: June 14, 2011, 06:59:08 am by Riccto »
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Schilcote

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #665 on: June 14, 2011, 02:06:06 am »

Fuck yeah. Where all da organic women at?

Why'd I land? Ah well.

Since soooomeooone has a horrible distaste for plans and Plans, just go down the way THEY expect you to go.

Also, Death does not talk like that.

EDIT:

Also, chat with Fats on the way down. Ask him if there's any other defenses around the Stone that he's linked in to.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2011, 02:29:29 am by Schilcote »
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WHY DID YOU HAVE ME KICK THEM WTF I DID NOT WANT TO BE SHOT AT.
I dunno, you guys have survived Thomas the tank engine, golems, zombies, nuclear explosions, laser whales, and being on the same team as ragnarock.  I don't think something as tame as a world ending rain of lava will even slow you guys down.

SeriousConcentrate

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #666 on: June 14, 2011, 02:09:58 am »

EDIT: Disregard, mistunderstood. >.>
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Nirur Torir

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #667 on: June 14, 2011, 06:39:19 am »

((I figured that I'd be dropped into this quest anyway, and that this was the only one I could really affect anything in without getting re-possessed by incompetence. Still, I was more aiming at trying to land on Ax to make his life even harder. Suppose I could get distracted by purging a den of shady characters while you defeat the boss or whatever.))

Kill them just for being evil and I'll tell the tiefling a detailed account about you purging that village last year for housing a meddler, and how you enjoyed it.

"I ... you wouldn't. No, you would. I finally find some evil beings and I don't even get to smite one? But they're evil! ... Now I have a headache."

Idle in a corner. Growl menacingly at any NPCs that approach.
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kisame12794

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #668 on: June 14, 2011, 09:30:39 am »

MINIONS TAKE ME TO THE STONE!
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The non-assholes vastly outnumber the assholes but the assholes can fart with greater volume.
((You're an arm and a torso in low orbit. This was the best possible resolution of things.))

ggamer

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #669 on: June 14, 2011, 12:51:53 pm »

Buy the prosthetic arm in the most PIRATEY WAY IMAGINABLE.

Schilcote

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #670 on: June 14, 2011, 12:53:16 pm »

Buy the prosthetic arm in the most PIRATEY WAY IMAGINABLE.

...

By raping the shopkeeper and stealing it?

Or by just pointing an ex-soviet RPG-7 at the shopkeeper and taking it and running away in a speedboat?
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WHY DID YOU HAVE ME KICK THEM WTF I DID NOT WANT TO BE SHOT AT.
I dunno, you guys have survived Thomas the tank engine, golems, zombies, nuclear explosions, laser whales, and being on the same team as ragnarock.  I don't think something as tame as a world ending rain of lava will even slow you guys down.

kisame12794

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #671 on: June 14, 2011, 01:01:22 pm »

both?
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The non-assholes vastly outnumber the assholes but the assholes can fart with greater volume.
((You're an arm and a torso in low orbit. This was the best possible resolution of things.))

SeriousConcentrate

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #672 on: June 14, 2011, 01:05:34 pm »

By raping the shopkeeper with an RPG-7 and stealing, of course.

By saying "Arr matey, I'm here for the booty" and stealing it.
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choobakka

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 43: Another avatar? Also, ROBOBRO and the incredible hook.
« Reply #673 on: June 14, 2011, 02:18:33 pm »

Buy the prosthetic arm in the most PIRATEY WAY IMAGINABLE.
YARR! You buckle and swash up to the counter and say, "Yarr, I'd be likin' that thar hook. Ye' be givin' it to me." (4) "It's 75 gp. You want it?" "Yarr! Hyar ye go! Gimme tha arrrrrrrm!" You hand the shopkeep 75 gp and take the ARRRRRm. You attach it to your shoulder and wiggle the fingers. You can switch between hook, hand, and axe whenever you want. It looks reeeally badass. Like, a steampunk hookaxearm. Awesome. It's made of brass and copper! And it has valves... You practice with it a little to work on flexibility and stuff. Then you see some assholes hassling the paladin.

MINIONS TAKE ME TO THE STONE!
You ask the priest and the one-armed ninja to take you to the stone. They say, "Oh great avatar of our lord, it is up those stairs. We cannot come with you, unfortunately. We have duties in your temple. But please, go on." You begin to walk up the stairs, and reach the top of the temple. The stone is right there. And then you are hit from the side by a masked orc. He shouts, "Shark Tackle of Power!" as he slams into you. You are thrown into the wall, and get up. You see him standing in the middle of the room, guarding the stone and glaring at you. He's very muscular, and is wearing blue shorts and a shark-face wrestling mask. on it. His chest is tattooed with various shark designs. He says, "My master would be displeased with your meddling, seņor. I will have to stop you from touching la Piedra del Equilibrio. Please do not try to touch it, or you will face the wrath of El Tiburon!" Oh. So now there are mexican orc wrestlers? Wow.

((I figured that I'd be dropped into this quest anyway, and that this was the only one I could really affect anything in without getting re-possessed by incompetence. Still, I was more aiming at trying to land on Ax to make his life even harder. Suppose I could get distracted by purging a den of shady characters while you defeat the boss or whatever.))

Kill them just for being evil and I'll tell the tiefling a detailed account about you purging that village last year for housing a meddler, and how you enjoyed it.

"I ... you wouldn't. No, you would. I finally find some evil beings and I don't even get to smite one? But they're evil! ... Now I have a headache."

Idle in a corner. Growl menacingly at any NPCs that approach.
You wait around in a corner and observe the shop. It seems that most of the customers are people in your general line of work, i.e. freelance monster slayers. These ones seem more like mercenaries than warriors of the light, though. Some have undead minions following, and others have obviously evil armor. It menaces with spikes of iron! Obviously bad. (luck:1) And a group of them notices you. A female elven wizard in a dark, extremely revealing robe (who looks like she has no parents and has a nametag saying "Hi, my name is Raven Killerseeker"), a half-demon warrior with dark, spiky armor and a facial scar (who is obviously a vampire and the son of a king who wants to disguise himself as a commoner; his nametag says "Hi, my name is Flame Gravebattler"), and a weedy little human with a collar attached to a chain being dragged around by the woman. He says, "P-p-please kn-neel bef-f-fore y-your n-n-new m-master and m-m-misterss" The woman kicks him and says, "Slave! Stop stuttering." She turns to you and grins. "Welcome to your new home. You will serve us, little paladin. Or you will be destroyed. You are the newest servant of the future lords of everything." The smugness is palatable. (4 vs 6) Torir can't take it, and controls the body to deliver some powerful beating and sarcasm.

Fuck yeah. Where all da organic women at?

Why'd I land? Ah well.

Since soooomeooone has a horrible distaste for plans and Plans, just go down the way THEY expect you to go.

Also, Death does not talk like that.

EDIT:

Also, chat with Fats on the way down. Ask him if there's any other defenses around the Stone that he's linked in to.
Hey, you said "locate those d00ds." This is the way to go to locate them. And I know. That was Death's butler pretending to be some ghost. Death TALKS LIKE THIS. You start to climb down the ladder, and ask Phat Lewt about the defenses on the way down. "There are several of my brothers guarding the stone. But they are deactivated for the ease of the heroes. There will be no opposition for us or them. The stone is almost right at the bottom of the ladder. You will see it right away." You reach the bottom of the ladder, and see the stone and the people that P.L. was talking about. They are setting up some fancy machinery and magic devices around the stone. The dwarf notices you, and says something to the elf and the demon. They walk over to you, and the elf says "What business do you have here? We are the heroes, and we must save the world!" Then they flicker, and the illusion disappears. You see that they're actually a trio of Illithids. Mind flayers. The "elf" yells, "We've been spotted! Get them!" The three move towards you menacingly.

action: Epic repair / upgrade/ surgery sequence before any stone touching
And now you start to heal yourself. (1+1) (sanity:5) You completely fail to do anything with your lower left arm, (3+1) (sanity:6) but you heal your right arm. You start to fix your stuff, starting with SAM. (3+1) (sanity:4) You fix up SAM pretty well, an then look at the crater that was Fred. Time to repair. (6+1) (sanity:5[DAMN!]) You rebuild Fred, but he's not Fred anymore, because you didn't have any of Fred's parts left. Now he's Frank. (power:6+1) He has a cannon, and sword arms. Like a boss. (size:1) And he's the size of a gnome. Way to go. (usefulness:6+1) He is now immortal. Good job. (efficiency:3+1) He runs off magical energy, but as long as he's around a wizard he'll be fine. (intelligence:4) And he's smarter than Fred was. Cool. Now, upgrades... Sword! (3+1) (sanity:1[Yes!]) You upgrade Sword. Using parts from the abomination. So now you have bio-Sword. It has two blades. Cool. (power:4) Just as poweful as the original Sword. (size:3) Same size as Sword, too. (usefulness:6) And this one's immortal, too. (efficiency:6) Hey! It runs off air! And apparently has something that needs power... (intelligence:5) Ah. That'd be it. The brain. It's as smart as you. And it's annoying. "Hey! Where am I? Let me go!" It jumps out of your hand and sits on the floor. "Give me a reason I should work for you. Please."

"Oh, hells no!" Ax reacted with an immediate 2x facepalm combo. "You're here now? On top of everything else?" What am I, the frickin' babysitter? First the two kids wanna cabbage onto me and now I'm leading the orc and the aasimar around. That'll work out well, an aasimar paladin and a tiefling hanging out here in the plane of shadows. It'll be all I can frickin' do to stop the guy from trying to wallop everything in sight, nevermind my rep's going right into the chamberpots. "Just... take a seat right there and don't do anything, would you?" he asked with a sigh. "I'll be back in a second." He went to buy the grappling hook and boomerang dagger, hoping that the second he turned his back the paladin didn't start smiting.
You grab the grappling hook and dagger, and go up to the counter to buy them. (1) The dagger costs 100 gp. That's expensive. But you really want it. The clerk takes your money, and says, "Hey, your friend over there is causing a disturbance with some of my regular customers. Could you deal with him?" You turn around and see the paladin being hassled by some complete idiots. Oh, lord. Set sarcasm to "Mutilate".


Statuses:







Allies:
Spoiler: Iali Boltcut. LN-LG (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: PH-47/L3-W7 (click to show/hide)

Vehicles:

Vortices Found:             Stones Activated:
Plane of Death  √
Abyss √
Plane of Water √                     √
Mechanus √
Celestia √                              √
Wizard's Tower √
Generic Asian Dojo √
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Schilcote

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Re: RTPJ: Turn 44: The Mary Sue Squad
« Reply #674 on: June 14, 2011, 02:22:56 pm »

OH NO U DIDN'T

ROBO-BRUTHAS! TODAY, THE ENEMY IS AT OUR DOOR. WE KNOW OUR DUTY AND WE WILL DO IT

Ban some lifes.
I don't think we'll need to activate the other r00b00ts, actually. I can deal with four mind flayers.
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WHY DID YOU HAVE ME KICK THEM WTF I DID NOT WANT TO BE SHOT AT.
I dunno, you guys have survived Thomas the tank engine, golems, zombies, nuclear explosions, laser whales, and being on the same team as ragnarock.  I don't think something as tame as a world ending rain of lava will even slow you guys down.
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