Also, Vector, I know you probably think that you're right because you've been through it all but I think that you are blatantly wrong in this case (no offence).
I haven't been through it all, dude, and I don't pretend to know everything. The only thing I know about is my own personal habits, which I am fairly certain I know more about than you.
Just a reminder: I've only been in one relationship. It didn't get very far. It was something of a train wreck.
Are you saying that every guy you think of as a potential partner can never be your friend?
No, I'm saying that I make friends with people who would make terrible partners for me, and I'd never date someone I didn't know pretty well. Period. I'd hope to be friends with that person for several years before dating them, to tell the truth.
Doesn't it seem weird that none of your friends seem to be potential partners.
No, because they were potential partners and then, as I got to know them in a non-romantic atmosphere, I went "Hm, that would be a really bad idea, and we'd be at each other's throats in two months. Let's not do this."
I mean, sure, I do consider them possible romantic partners... maybe in five years, once we've all had a chance to do some growing up? As they are now, though, I don't think I'd date 'em. They're the best approximations I have to people I
would date, though.
Similarly, I may find myself incredibly attracted to someone, but if I wouldn't make friends with that person, then I also wouldn't date them. I'd rather just sit there, going "that person is blazingly hot" and appreciate what I can appreciate about them, instead of hoping the hotness makes up for all the things I really don't like about the individual.
I'm just saying that many girls think of guys as their friends when the guys think of the girls as someone they would want to date, and as such go about getting all infatuated and so on. This is what is called the 'friend zone', when a guy wants a girl and the girl just thinks of the guy as a 'friend'. From this position the guy seems a lot less like a potential lover and more like a good friend. Your post has just proved the 'friend zone' theory.
Yeah. Not because we're friends. Because a long-term relationship would have never worked with the guy, anyway.
The friendzone theory, as I understand it, is that a guy goes and tries to get closer to a girl. The girl spends time with the guy and realizes that he isn't the one for her, just as she would have if she'd dated him for a while first. Then they end up friends.
So, in one scenario, the guy doesn't get in the girl's pants, even briefly, but he does get a friendship. In the other case, you have the emotional stress of a failed relationship, coupled with no friendship, combined with a lot of stress on the woman's half about getting dumped (i.e. losing social standing) if she doesn't "put out"--or, if she does have relations with the guy, potential-pregnancy-stress.
Seriously, man, wouldn't you play it safe?
I dunno. My feeling is that a lot of guys here tend to go "Oh man, can't get friendzoned, bro." Well, if your interest is in sex, then yes--definitely don't let the girl get to know anything about who you really are, because you'll have a much better chance if she's thinking with her hormones. Blaze with testosterone! Seduce that woman! But if you want a long-lasting relationship, then
in most cases you'll probably be better off getting to actually know about each other first--and if that means she decides against you, then tough cookies. There are in fact other women out there.